I've posted a few times, some in which I'm trying to help others, now I feel like a hippocrate. I can't even follow my own advice. I am in the process of weaning off celexa (generic version citalopram). I was only on 10 mg per day. It worked great at first, but I plateau'ed and instead of increasing doseage, I wanted to make a change. I am moving to Wellbutrin XL because I'm going to scream if I gain one more freakin' pound. I am hoping it will work well for me without the weight gain thing. And maybe help with smoking, too... Withdrawing from celexa feels almost like coming up for air, even if the air is polluted and rancid. I am in PMS time and I just feel like I want to die. Every telephone pole I passed on my way into work seemed like an invitation to a way out. I have never been a suicidal person, but in the last two months something has changed. My last PMS time was the same way, which is what really made me think the celexa was not working. Honestly, the only thing that kept me here were my two kids. My husband does not understand. He keeps telling me to get over it, like it's a choice. We've been on our last leg for two years now. He's not supportive and is mainly downright mean. I started smoking a couple of months ago because I was just feeling overwhelmed and chose to use that as an outlet. Only God knows why!!?? It's so stupid. I make sure I only do it when I'm alone, but he just badgers me. How can I be so weak? I ask myself that, so I don't need him adding to it. The whole situation is just bad with him. He's a good father, but I have no respect for him as a person. He steals from his job because he feels entitled. I was his boss at his part time job. He went off with his temper on one of my managers, and I let them fire him. He can't understand why. I "officially" removed myself from being the deciding factor because he's my husband, but all of the managers kept flocking to me asking what they should do (i'm the General manager and the HR Dept.). I told them to do what they needed to do, the owner got involved, and they all decided his actions were a bit excessive. Now he blames me for the loss of $25k per year in income. I was hoping he's come around and see that instead of working those three nightrs per week, it's nice to spend time as a family. Oh no--not him!! So it was a part time job--get another one!! I get this rubbed in my face daily and it happened last October. That guilt is a big part of my depression. On top of the typical adult child of an alcoholic thing. I just don't know if I can go on in life like this. I am so in debt because my husband refuses to combine money. (We've been married 5 years) I pay for everything ($1300./mo in daycare!) except the household bills. I cannot see a way out. I'm drowning. I know this isn't a marriage counseling board, but it is a big factor in making me depressed. I take anti-depressants to deal with the life I've created. How's that for guilt? Anyway, thanks for listening to my psychobabble. It helps to get it out. Any sunshine would be appreciated.
It seems to me that you are the wonderful, amazing person in this relationship and maybe he might need to see someone. If he was stealing because he felt he deserved it what he really deserved was to go to jail. Sorry about that but I feel like you are trying to take the blame for him and he needs to grow up and be a man. If I were you I wouldn't have saved his part time job either.
I don't want to scare you but you may want to do some reading on the Wellbutrin. Have you taken it before? I have tried the celexa, wellbutrin and many others as I suffer with BP. Talk to your as see what they think. I know that all meds work differently with differnt people so the wellbutrin may help you. I know my best friend thinks it is great. I just didn't do so well with it. Talk to your doc before you make any changes.
Maybe your husband needs to be on some time of meds. He seems like he is a very angry person and for some reason thinks it is your fault by taking it out on you. You don't deserve this nor do you need to take it. He lost the part time job by his own actions. He's lucky he didn't end up in jail.
You sound like an amazing person. He needs to back off and look in the mirror and start contributing to the family financially honestly.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You do not need to look at those light post, instead you need to think of your children. If you think those light post are a better option, where would that leave your children?
I am leaving your with lots of hugs as you deserve them. ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
Yes, I'm in therapy. It's been 18 months steady now and several times on and off over the last 15 years. I am making a little headway since I wrote this. I am 4 days cold turkey from celexa. I'm feeling like ******, but I don't feel sedated anymore. I've told my husband perhaps we need some time apart. I don't know how I'm going to swing that with two little kids and about 50K in debt. It would be much easier without the mongo daycare payments. I have nothing left for my husband, though. It is time. This probably isn't the best time to be making these decisions, but I just can't take it anymore. Last night he tried to cause a fight. I asked him not to do it in front of the kids. It didn't stop him and I didn't fight back. I know this hurt my son(2 yrs old)because he was really upset and wanted to sleep with mommy afterwards. It is rare that he does that. I am determined now. It's hurting my kids and to me that is the worst feeling in the world. I can't understand why things just can't be good and why we can't just get along. Why the hurt? It only brings on more hurt and more hurt. I just want to cry. Maybe this will help me lose weight. That's one positive. Anyway, thanks for the response. I need the support right now.
Hey Christine, sounds like you are making some good decisions here and are thinking clearly. You did a good job how you handled your husband when he wanted to argue!!!!! Children are not made of glass, they can survive hard times (as long as they get your support and understanding!).
Why can't you all get along? IMO it is because there are issues - his issues, your issues, your shared issues. If he is willing to work on it they can all be worked out.
Christine - I am thinking about you and wanting to send you and your kids lots of sunshine .
I was just thinking, does your husband think that any of this is even remotely any of his fault. Remember you have all the support you need here and when you think you don't have anymore here, there will always be even more. We truly do care and I think you believe it.
I know when I went through that with my ex-husband my therapist told me that normally you know you are ready to call it quits three years before you actually do it. My therapist told me one day I would just wake up, there would be no tears and I would know that, that was the day it was over.
If you think it can be saved, all I can say is go to therapy together and see what the therapist says. If you know in your heart of heart it is over then please talk with your therapist and see what they believe you should do.
We here on the boards cannot make any decisions for you. We can however, be here for you to vent, cry and try to offer our support.
I will tell you something I do not tell people normally but I left my husband and was making great money, paying the bills and doing great. My BP went on a manic episode and I went way into debt (This was before I was diagnosed and didn't have a clue as to what was going on) I gave money away and mortgage my house to the hilt for some man. I ended up losing everything. I had to file bankruptcy (sp) which just killed my self esteem. I am very ashamed that I ever had to do it. I had no other way out but at least I got a new start at life away from a verbally and mentally abusive man.
Please hang in there and know that you are surrounded by big (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) Much Love and Lots of Sunshine
The following user gives a hug of support to Jenn4508: iknowwhatumean (04-11-2011)
Thanks for the reply. I talked to my husband about rolling my debt into our home equity line of credit. He was scared about that. He said that it was because if I left, he'd be stuck paying it. I told him that if I left, he'd wind up with half of it anyway, but if we did the home equity thing, at least the interest rate would be lower. In order for it all to work, we have to put our money together. We would actually have money left over at the end of the month doing it that way. Well, that's the debt solution, now what to do about the marriage? I had an epiphany yesterday when talking to my therapist. I was telling her about this book I have been reading called The Unfinished Marriage. It's about an older-ish couple who has weathered the storm, but her children grew up and left the house. At that point she moved to the Cape for a year by herself to re-find herself and decide what path she wants in life. Eventually her husband retired and sold their other house and moved to the Cape to be with her. It tells of the daily rollercoaster ride of a marriage, but within that it gives philosophical insights as to why things take the turns they do and why they react to each other the way they do. It has really given me food for thought and has allowed me to step back, so to speak, and view the events of my marriage in a different light. This book came along at the perfect time. I have been watching my and my husbands interactions together and trying to see the history in our interaction. Basically, why we act and respond to each other the way we do. It's not an easy thing to do on a daily basis, but it is giving me patience. Will we weather the storm? Will we grow together? I don't know. I really don't like him too much at this point, and I am on the fence about respecting him and the way he lives his life. We got along great before I had my daughter, who came along 2 weeks before our first anniversary. We really had no time together in our marriage before kids. I know the younger kid years are tough to start. Throw that into a new marriage and I don't know....... Resentments and anger have snowballed us into this mess. Today is our 5 year anniversary. Perhaps I'm feeling generous today because of that fact. Perhaps it is survivable. Time will tell. Thank you everyone for all the support and sunshine. And thanks for listening.
Sounds to me like you really have your stuff together. Only you can decide what is best for you. It sounds to me like the book came to you right when you needed it to. You will find the answers you are looking for within you.
Keep posting. Still sending lots of Sunshine your way.
Christine,,,,,Are you sure your not married to my ex?? lol...Seriously Mine was just like that....I went from anti-depressants to sleeping pills too and anxiety medication....You shouldn't have to live like that..There is a life for you trust me.....it gets so much better...But he won't get better and soon you'll find yourself with a bigger jerk 10 years from now and wondering why you wasted the time.....Mines a great dad but I don't live with him so my life is getting brighter by the day.....I'm quitting celexa too...I just went up over 10 pounds in a month....and eating less plus exercising more......I'm on to something new let me know how welbutrin is k?