The past 9 months have been very depressing for me. Everything began with the onset of my long term bf breaking up with me out of the blues with no apparent explanation. I was and still am completely devastated and cannot get over that episode, memories, and him.
Since then, things just kept moving down hill with me developing complete anxiety and certain types of compusions and obsessions. During that time frame I was also working at a place with people with HIV/AIDS. I began to deveop EXTREME fear (and still have it) of HIV/AIDS and how it is passed on. I understand the logic behind the transmission methods but cannot sink into my mind that it is NOT passed on with casual contact.
Now, for the past 9 months I am a freak who washes and cleans my hands day and night and has deveoped an extreme fear of contamination in general and of germs. I am absoultely terrified of HIV/AIDS and convinced that it is passed throigh casual contact. I am no longer working at that place but still feel like I am "haunted" with those fears and urges to wash my hands in certain situations and peform the rituas. If I do not weash my hands I get VERY anxious and feel like I am going to get some sort of heart attack or collapse or something. My mind begins to race.
As months and days and nights continue to go by and me crying day and night over the loss of the relationship, living in a wolrd full of fear and washing my hands, I have developed extreme low self esteem and hate the way I look. I have began to gain weight and my skin is also breaking out now. I have no desire to go anywhere and just cry during the weeks. I am also unemployed and am having a difficult time finding a job. Nothing is positive that I can think of. I also have developed extreme anxiety and anger towards everything around me. I don't want certain people to call me and I don't want to hang out with certain people or be in certain situations.I have so many fears about what will happen and where will I be next year, or in 2 years, 3 yrs? I feel like there is no light at the tunnel and things have been for 9 months just getting darker and darker.I cannot get over my ex, and fear and know that I will probably neve rmeet anyone who will be able to give me loving fufilling relationship anf if they do the chances of that lasting will no be long. I feel very bad for my fmaily because I know they want a grandchild one day and I willmost likely never be able to porvide them with that.
Anyone have any insight as to why all these things have happened to me at once? I am seeing a therpist but it has only been a few sessions. She is referring me to a psychatirist. But I am just VERY upset that every thing is happening to me at once. I don't get how this OCD, anxiety developed so quick.
Last edited by lostsoul12; 09-07-2007 at 10:22 PM.
Events like that are what give us depression. Its rather event related or something that has built up over a long period of time because you've allowed it. In either case, the problem is that you have started to think differently. Because it is when our body's vessel is empty, no goals, we are confused, scared, that negative energy is allowed to come in. And you would not believe how powerful our mind is. So basically anything we think, it becomes true. You start worrying about having contracted AIDS, all of the sudden you start feeling some symptoms. You worry about the reasons your bf cut you out suddenly, you feel confused, and a lot of the sudden your mind is not thinking about anything specific..its all over the place, and negative things are coming in to your mind.
I'll tell you one major thing. Do not get therapy that is based on trying to figure out WHY you are depressed. You know those therapy sessions that are supposed to release you because you figured it out? Well those therapy sessions are actually the worse thing you can do. They can actually make depression WORSE..they usually do. Let's face it, 90% of people KNOW why they are depressed, so re-living that does nobody favours. There are 3 other different kinds of therapy you can do that are a sure wire way to get you back on track.
Remember..think positive and your body will react accordingly. Sometimes we are so deep into depression though that we need medication to get us back on tract. Dont be afraid of doing that. However, during, try to solve the problem naturally as well..so you can get off the medications. (if u are using them) The biggest mistake people make is to rely on the drugs instead of using the drugs temporarly but then working on their mental health.
In order to think positive I feel like there has to be something some what positive at least happening where I can give myself some hope. In my case it is negative. You are right about the therapist part, reliving the reasons why you are down will not get you anywhere. It's just tough, no way to esacpe the mess.
Last edited by lostsoul12; 09-09-2007 at 01:05 PM.
hi i,m not sure if i,m on the right track here, but i think i,m falling into depression , i was in a relasionship for 5 years going into the the second year she got pregnant and we had a wonderful daughter which i adore .going into the 4th year of us been together she told me that she was,nt sure that she loved me so you can imagine it was like abrick hitting me on the head. we argured alot nearly every weekend usually when i had drink on me which made the issue even worse.
ii am not a bad person i never hit women nor have i ever thought about it as my defence is my loud voice which can drown out antthing
i went to counselling i bit my lip held back on everything . i just went quiet
i stay over at her place at the weekendand stay with a friend during the week
ilook forward to seen my daughter at the weekend and for some reason i like seen my partner .
i know i drink too much but in a way it helps me and another it dose,nt.
last weekend she cheated on me. and how i found out was the way she acted after coming home , we argued all weekend about and why i just did,nt walk away i don,t know.
it getting me down alot
Hi Lostsoul, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. I think that your self-esteem wasn't all that great to begin with and that on the anxiety scale all that you needed was a little occurence to push you over the edge. I believe that self-understanding is the way out.... Am glad that you are in therapy.