Weekends are Hard
Hello All! School started this week. Overall my class seems sweet and well-behaved. I know who my "projects" are going to be. They're not so much projects in the behavior since as they are in the always active can't focus sense. One of my big problems with depression falls over the weekend. I'm so busy during the week. I feel like the weekend hits me and I have nothing to do. As I'm sure many of you understand, being alone with my thoughts is not a fun experience. ALL of my friends are either married or in relationships. I do see them but a majority of their time is spent with their significant other, which is understandable but makes me hate my situation more. My mother's very good friend gave my number to her nephew. I was hesitant at first but really wanted to give my number too. Our first convo was about 10 minutes. I felt I was holding back a little. Our next 3 convos after that were great. I made my personality come through, which I know is good. I'm 29 and he's 35. We haven't met yet. I think I'm actually liking talking a few times first. I hate blind dates. I like feeling like we will kinda know about one another when we meet, instead of interviewing each other. This is part of my issue. He's divorced and was married for 4 years, with her a total of 15 years. I ALMOST FELL TO THE FLOOR. This completely freaks me out seeing as I have very minimal relationship experience. I've dated guys but they've never gone passed a month. Two of my biggest faults is letting guys know right off the bat about my depression and that I'm a virgin. It's kind of like "this is what you need to know about me. Leave now before I fall for you." It's a completely defense mechanism. I'm learning I don't have to share that right away. But the differences in our experiences sends my anxiety through the roof. We spoke for 2 hours Wednesday night. He's called every time he said he would until Thursday. But I knew he was going to dinner with friends. He knew I was going to a Mets game last night. This is the time where my mind begins to think he's lost interest. I don't know how to relax and let things go how they will. Does that make any sense? I'm a pro at putting "nonsensical" thoughts in my mind. Is there anyone out there in the same "weekend" situation?
Re: Weekends are Hard
I love my weekends. It's my time to destress from a hard week. I find work difficult because there's so much opportunity to screw up. I know I'm too hard on myself, but I'm working on it. Sometimes on my weekends I have plans and sometimes I don't. Sometimes if I don't have plans I feel like a loser with no friends, but then I remind myself if I really wanted to be around people I could call someone. Usually I can find something to do and sometimes I need a weekend to myself. But overall weekends are my favorite part of the week.
The best advice I can give you is to not think so much about what is going to happen with this guy. Just let things happen naturally. You have no control over what this guy does. He has a life and sometimes things happen that have absolutely nothing to do with you but may affect his behaviour towards you, so if it doesn't work out don't blame yourself. Keep living your life independant of what this guy is doing. Take it one day at a time. I know this all sounds very "cliche", but it's true. You need to be yourself, no matter what happens with this guy.
Just my opinion :)
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