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Old 09-10-2007, 02:05 PM   #1
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I'm socially inept

I have no skill in the art of conversation especially with females. I tend to find that I am worse with females who are close to my age. I've never been a good conversationalist and this has held me back for the whole of my 26 years of life. Why do some people have all the luck?

 
Old 09-10-2007, 02:23 PM   #2
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Re: I'm socially inept

Therag, maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself worrying about saying the "right" thing. Try to relax and talk about something you enjoy, for example, pets, cooking, baseball (I'm just throwing stuff out there since I don't know your interests). Also ask her about herself.....what are her interests, where did you grow up, etc. People like to talk about themselves, so if you can get her talking pretty soon you're carrying on a conversation!
Good luck!

 
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Old 09-11-2007, 07:03 AM   #3
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Re: I'm socially inept

Hey Therag, I don't think that it is luck, I think that it is skill. Skills are available to anyone who is willing to learn (that darn ole' low self-esteem tries to interfere though!).

And like Rosequartz said, you feel pressure. This is probably why it is harder when the girl is closer to your age - more pressure. Pressure can be relieved by believing that you can make mistakes.

We had a party at our house this last weekend and of course when each person left they stopped by my husband and myself to say goodbye and thank us for inviting them. One of the men was saying good bye and I said about 4 sentences back to him and every single one of them came out of my mouth in a crazy way (I only had one glass of wine!). I laughed and said "I can't talk right tonight!". (And of course I thought immediately that I could use this example here one day!). I had to come to this point after doing my homework. When I really realized that I could make mistakes it was very liberating!

 
Old 09-11-2007, 10:26 AM   #4
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Re: I'm socially inept

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Hey Therag, I don't think that it is luck, I think that it is skill. Skills are available to anyone who is willing to learn (that darn ole' low self-esteem tries to interfere though!).

And like Rosequartz said, you feel pressure. This is probably why it is harder when the girl is closer to your age - more pressure. Pressure can be relieved by believing that you can make mistakes.

We had a party at our house this last weekend and of course when each person left they stopped by my husband and myself to say goodbye and thank us for inviting them. One of the men was saying good bye and I said about 4 sentences back to him and every single one of them came out of my mouth in a crazy way (I only had one glass of wine!). I laughed and said "I can't talk right tonight!". (And of course I thought immediately that I could use this example here one day!). I had to come to this point after doing my homework. When I really realized that I could make mistakes it was very liberating!

It's not about the fact I'm worried that what I say will come out wrong, it's the fact that my mind goes blank and I can't think of stuff to talk about.

Thanks.

 
Old 09-11-2007, 10:30 AM   #5
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Re: I'm socially inept

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
Therag, maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself worrying about saying the "right" thing. Try to relax and talk about something you enjoy, for example, pets, cooking, baseball (I'm just throwing stuff out there since I don't know your interests). Also ask her about herself.....what are her interests, where did you grow up, etc. People like to talk about themselves, so if you can get her talking pretty soon you're carrying on a conversation!
Good luck!
When I ask a load of questions I can't help but feel like I'm interrogating the person. A while ago at work we had a new guy so I just tried to start a conversation by asking where he was from, and he asked ''why?'', and then I felt bad because he made me feel that I was asking him a personal question about something so simple as asking that.

Last edited by Therag; 09-11-2007 at 10:31 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2007, 10:33 AM   #6
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Re: I'm socially inept

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Originally Posted by Therag View Post
my mind goes blank and I can't think of stuff to talk about.
Why do you think your mind goes blank?

 
Old 09-11-2007, 10:41 AM   #7
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Re: I'm socially inept

Quote:
Originally Posted by Therag View Post
When I ask a load of questions I can't help but feel like I'm interrogating the person. A while ago at work we had a new guy so I just tried to start a conversation by asking where he was from, and he asked ''why?'', and then I felt bad because he made me feel that I was asking him a personal question about something so simple as asking that.
I know what you mean....you just can't bat them off boom boom boom....timing is crucial.....
Now if I asked this guy where he was from and he asked "why", I would have thought that very odd.....after all you're just making conversation and trying to get to know him......I probably would have joked it off and said "wow, what's the big secret, are you in the witness protection program?" and made him realize how stupid he sounded by saying "why"

 
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