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Old 09-20-2007, 02:59 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South Carolina
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karen51 HB User
Janart, on getting scared..I am for different reasons!

I am not scared of the winter months, in fact I prefer it to be dark, rainy or dreary. What I AM scared of is this downward spiral of my depression the last few weeks. Not getting a job, feeling trapped in a helllish house with very negative people. I am starting to lose all hope. Thoughts of hurting myself and cutting have come back.

I want to get out of this trend and never, ever go back to it.

I know we all struggle with this, I just need a glimmer of hope right now.

 
Old 09-20-2007, 06:20 PM   #2
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janart HB User
Re: Janart, on getting scared..I am for different reasons!

Hey Karen51,

Yea the winter months make me feel worse. Not that I'm all that great during the summer,but at least here in Ga. there is more to do outside then during the winter. We have a pool so I enjoy dipping in it after I cut grass and such. So you don't get more depressed in the winter? Didn't you and I chat the other day about you being on Cymbalta? Sorry if I have that wrong. I actually started Cymbalta about 5 days ago and so far so good. I'm taking a very small dose of zyprexa along with it just for the first few weeks. I was afraid the cym.would keep me awake and interfere with eating and the zyprexa counteracts that. I won't be able to afford both long term though.
As far as working, I work part time right now. To be honest with you I don't think I could go back full time. We need the money but mentally I don't think I'm able right now. Are you married? Talk to me girl (:

Janart

 
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Old 09-21-2007, 11:00 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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karen51 HB User
Wink Re: Janart, on getting scared..I am for different reasons!

Quote:
Originally Posted by janart View Post
Hey Karen51,

Yea the winter months make me feel worse. Not that I'm all that great during the summer,but at least here in Ga. there is more to do outside then during the winter. We have a pool so I enjoy dipping in it after I cut grass and such. So you don't get more depressed in the winter? Didn't you and I chat the other day about you being on Cymbalta? Sorry if I have that wrong. I actually started Cymbalta about 5 days ago and so far so good. I'm taking a very small dose of zyprexa along with it just for the first few weeks. I was afraid the cym.would keep me awake and interfere with eating and the zyprexa counteracts that. I won't be able to afford both long term though.
As far as working, I work part time right now. To be honest with you I don't think I could go back full time. We need the money but mentally I don't think I'm able right now. Are you married? Talk to me girl (:

Janart
Hi Janart,

Yes, I am on Cymbalta. I felt great for about a month. I am one of those people that antidepressants seem to start to have the opposite effect after a while. This time, it was a short time. I have an appointment with the doc on Oct. 9. That is a long time to wait.

I live in the south too, but I don't get outside much, I am more an indoors type girl. I am not married, I think I wish I was, if it was to a supportive person that could help see me through this. Even though it would probably not be fair to him.

I saw my therapist yesterday and we both agree that a lot of my problems are also situational. Living with a VERY negative father that demeans me a lot. I have to just learn to leave the room or house right when he starts. I have that right as a human being to not be emotionally abused. He has done it all my life. I am working on getting a job and getting out, which has not gone well lately. I am waiting to hear back from a job I just interviewed for. I need to pray more that the right job will come through. I am searching hard, sometimes more than others due to feeling totally depressed.

My son has that seasonal depression. I recommended to him to try that lighting that is supposed to mimic real sunlight inside. It would be worth a try, maybe you could try it.

I am a nurse and determined to get a job that I know I am qualified for and the jobs outside of a hospital are very competitive in this area. Wish me luck...

Talk to me more Janart!!!

Love,

k51

 
Old 09-22-2007, 12:10 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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janart HB User
Re: Janart, on getting scared..I am for different reasons!

Hey Girl,
Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. We went out with friends last night to eat and went to a comedy club. It was okay but by the time we got to the comedy club (late show) I was getting tired.
Anyway feeling tired today so just being lazy.
So you are a nurse? Thats great, you will find something soon. We need good nurses in this world. You wouldn't believe the nurses I had to deal with when my Mom was sick. I can understand you wanting to be in an office instead of the hospitals. I worked as a Ophthamology technician for 10 years but got burned out so now I work in merchandising.
I understand what you mean about your Dad and him being negative. I have alot of family members that are like that. I'm down enough and when I get around them I feel worse. I have to try to distance myself from that as much as I can. Have you tried a bunch of different AD'S so far? Man I have and no luck with them or bad side effects. I hope you hear from that job next week. Keep looking and get alot lined up then you will be in the situation where you have to choose which one you want. Nothings ever easy is it?

Thinking of you,
janart

 
Old 09-23-2007, 01:54 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 174
karen51 HB User
Smile Re: Janart, on getting scared..I am for different reasons!

Hi Janart,

Yes, I have tried almost every drug on the market, old and new for depression. They all seemed to have the opposite effect. I am a little afraid of some mood stabilizers, they have some really bad side effects and I was tried on 2 different ones and they were awful!!!

Yes, the negatitivity really gets me. I got very angry last night with my dad, but there is no use in talking to him or anyone else trying. He is never going to change. I can only change and refuse to be around him when he is spewing venom, but they does not keep me from having a lot of anger. He has an anger problem too so he & I equal a very bad combo!!!!

My only hope is to get out of this house, but other than a shelter, I have nowhere to go. My sister does not want me in her house, she and her husband are not even home half the time and it is not like it would be permanent. I am not a foul mouth, drinker, drug user or anything. I even started to church again today. I do not understand why she is so adamant about not letting me be there. I only asked once and she knows how desperately I need to get out of here. I actually almost got into a physical fight with my dad once!!!

Also, unless you want a really bad job or a hospital job, the pickings are not that great in my area. You would think I would not have a problem getting a job, but I have been trying pretty hard now for almost 2 months. The last job I took out of desperation and it was so stressful, (that is how the bad jobs are), I ended up back in the hospital again. So I am trying to choose carefully where I do work or apply. I want to succeed, not end up quitting in a month and taking steps backwards with my mental illness. I also have borderline personality, on the low end, but that is bad enough.

Thanks for thinking of me. Today church really meant something to me and I plan to go join the singles class and get on a prayer list. I need something spiritual in my life. AND a social life. There I might get both!!

Hugs to you...

karen51

 
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