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Old 11-01-2007, 11:45 PM   #1
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Shannatoo HB User
hiding depression?

Hello all,

I think I am an emotionally confused 18 year old. I have some anxiety which I am taking 5-htp for (given to me by my naturopathic doctor).

However, I often feel that I am depressed but am very good at hiding it. Is this possible? Most days I feel sad and empty on the inside but I still have a smile on my face and can laugh on the outside. However once I am alone, I often cry and wish my life was the way it used to be. Can someone who is actually depressed hide it? Or are they so sad that they simply cannot hide it? Is this depression or just normal teenage emotion? Can my ND notice I feel depressed even though I go see her with a smile on my face and laugh with her (I've never mentioned I sometimes feel depressed.)?

Also, can something besides a chemical imbalance cause depression? There have always been times in the past 5 years where I have felt "down" at times but I've dealt with a great deal of change in the past year and I really feel that all of these changes are causing some of my emotions.

Six months ago my family moved across the country (from CT to CA) and I was okay with that. I started college about 2 hours from our new home and it has been a struggle since the beginning. But the last few weeks have just been particularly awful. I basically just feel like sleeping all of the time I'm not in class (however I still go to all of my classes and do all of my work, I hope to become an ND one day).

I haven't made a ton of friends in college yet, I am pretty shy until I get to know people. Also, my roommate and I do not get along and I constantly feel uncomfortable in my own dorm and I hate confrontation so I just do what she wants to avoid it at all costs.

Can all of this cause depression? Is this depression or just the ropes of being a teenager? Also, I have a really hard time verbalizing all of this to anyone (I just keep it all to myself). I can't even explain how much it would upset my mom if I told her I felt depressed. Just any ideas, past experiences or comfort would be greatly appreciated, I'm feeling really alone!

Sorry this wound out being so long, I didn't mean for it to be.

Thanks!

Shanna

 
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Old 11-02-2007, 12:44 AM   #2
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derek8825 HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Yes you have depression. You are describing me when I was your age. I was fine and happy but once i was alone it was completely different. But I didt know what was wrong with me so when I finally went to the doc and he said I had depression I was actually relieved because its so treatable. And do yourself a favor- tell your mom. Parents are a majority of the time very understanding and caring. Although sometimes at first some parents just think its the blues and you will come out of it. But if your mom knows you she will know that this is serious and it actually feels REALLY good to know someone cares about you and you can talk to them about this stuff. I was never one to talk about my feelings. And I held it in for a long time. It made things so much worse not getting the help I needed. Go see a doctor and talk to your mom. She will probably want to go w you to the doctor and its nice to have support. YOU CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. So please dont even try. I tried. I tried for a long time to hide it, or thought if i do this or that ill come out of it. It finally got so bad that I wanted to die and had to go to the hospital. I didnt try suicide, my doc just saw how bad I finally was and sent me there for a few days. The good part is, IT IS TREATABLE and you can feel normal again. Sometimes it takes a little time finding the right antidepressant for you but it will get better.

 
Old 11-02-2007, 01:10 PM   #3
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Listy7 HB User
Smile Re: hiding depression?

Hey there! I so relate to your message. I was 17 when I realised I wasn't coping well. I wouldn't hurry to get a diagnosis of depression or medication because that started me on a bad path. I suggest you find a great counsellor or therapist to help you with some coping strategies. I too hide my sadness really well and needed someone good to see through the great acting. I had to learn some things about myself, grow in confidence to face my problems and have lots of love and reassurance from one or two close friends before I could make progress. You may well be depressed but medication only solves the inbalance. You need someone wise to talk with. Then together you can explore the options. Also a doctor could do some blood tests to make sure there isn't something else. I have learned I have a hormonal imbalance and didn't need antidepressants but different medication. Also I had some issues that I needed to sort out. Mine came and went at different times. Plot your moods on a graph. Also stress in your life will highlight things you need to deal with. This is really normal!! P.s: I only can't act when I am really bad and usually i hide away and people don't know. hang in there friend and talk to someone you trust.

Last edited by Listy7; 11-02-2007 at 01:15 PM. Reason: Reread posting and had stuff to add

 
Old 11-02-2007, 01:27 PM   #4
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CaringMom HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Shanna,
Sounds like you have been through many changes and yes, that can cause depression. As far as hiding it...I think one could put up a front for only so long. Eventually, those who know you will see right through it.
As derek mentioned, you need to talk to your parents; mother. I went through this with a 15/16 year old over the past year. Your parents may already know something is up. Depression is something you may not talk about, but is very difficult to hide. (In my opinion.)
Please talk with them and a counselor before things become too much.
Best of luck.

 
Old 11-02-2007, 09:05 PM   #5
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granny0 HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Shanna, I hid my depression for quite some time while putting on a happy face. Then it turned to a major depression and people could tell. Went to my dr and she diagnnosed me with depression. When it reached the point I could not hide it anymore, things were just crashing down on me. It became almost impossible to smile or laugh and I lost complete interest in food. Dropped about 10 pounds. I kept working through this - didn't have a breakdown or anything.
Take the advise of the others. Get help. I bet you Mom is already concerned about you. Don't let it go until it gets hard to function as it did to me. I've been taking Lexapro for a month and am feeling Good! Not just better but good!
Best wishes,
JB

 
Old 11-03-2007, 01:44 AM   #6
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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lv2srf HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Shanna, you seem to have a very strong intuition about what is going on with you and why.

Change, and lots of it, is difficult for many people. Going away to college is a big step as well. My son (also your age) has gotten numerous phone calls from friends on the mainland who are in college and feeling homesick. I too had a difficult year the first year I moved far from home, and my sister was even here with me, and I had a boyfriend. But SO much change was overwhelming for a while.

The last couple of weeks...we're getting in to the darker time of year--is this part of the problem too? Maybe you miss the gorgeous fall leaves, as just a small part of your depression. Anyways... There is probably a college counseling office somewhere on campus, or even a freshman/first year office. See if maybe they have some help there for you, and/or do talk to your parents/see a doctor.

Mm, and something I learned when my son was a bit younger--teens can be laughing and having fun with their classmates or whomever one minute, and then depressed and crying the next. I guess when we're a bit older it may be a bit more of an overall feeling...? Maybe. Anyway, there is help available. And support here.

 
Old 11-07-2007, 03:39 PM   #7
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Boston Massachusetts
Posts: 226
eric24 HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannatoo View Post
Hello all,

I think I am an emotionally confused 18 year old. I have some anxiety which I am taking 5-htp for (given to me by my naturopathic doctor).

However, I often feel that I am depressed but am very good at hiding it. Is this possible? Most days I feel sad and empty on the inside but I still have a smile on my face and can laugh on the outside. However once I am alone, I often cry and wish my life was the way it used to be. Can someone who is actually depressed hide it? Or are they so sad that they simply cannot hide it? Is this depression or just normal teenage emotion? Can my ND notice I feel depressed even though I go see her with a smile on my face and laugh with her (I've never mentioned I sometimes feel depressed.)?

Also, can something besides a chemical imbalance cause depression? There have always been times in the past 5 years where I have felt "down" at times but I've dealt with a great deal of change in the past year and I really feel that all of these changes are causing some of my emotions.

Six months ago my family moved across the country (from CT to CA) and I was okay with that. I started college about 2 hours from our new home and it has been a struggle since the beginning. But the last few weeks have just been particularly awful. I basically just feel like sleeping all of the time I'm not in class (however I still go to all of my classes and do all of my work, I hope to become an ND one day).

I haven't made a ton of friends in college yet, I am pretty shy until I get to know people. Also, my roommate and I do not get along and I constantly feel uncomfortable in my own dorm and I hate confrontation so I just do what she wants to avoid it at all costs.

Can all of this cause depression? Is this depression or just the ropes of being a teenager? Also, I have a really hard time verbalizing all of this to anyone (I just keep it all to myself). I can't even explain how much it would upset my mom if I told her I felt depressed. Just any ideas, past experiences or comfort would be greatly appreciated, I'm feeling really alone!

Sorry this wound out being so long, I didn't mean for it to be.

Thanks!

Shanna
hey, well i would seriously think of seeking some sort of help, in fact all those symtoms are what my Ex Girlfriend feels like because she has told me, but she doesnt want to believe she is depressed and its very sad, alot of people see it, and she is afraid to admite them, and its sad nobody can change you but your self, i would seek help, it will only make you a better person and enjoy life and be much happier GOOD LUCK!

 
Old 11-07-2007, 03:43 PM   #8
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Boston Massachusetts
Posts: 226
eric24 HB User
Re: hiding depression?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaringMom View Post
Shanna,
Sounds like you have been through many changes and yes, that can cause depression. As far as hiding it...I think one could put up a front for only so long. Eventually, those who know you will see right through it.
As derek mentioned, you need to talk to your parents; mother. I went through this with a 15/16 year old over the past year. Your parents may already know something is up. Depression is something you may not talk about, but is very difficult to hide. (In my opinion.)
Please talk with them and a counselor before things become too much.
Best of luck.
My ex girlfriends father KNOWS Natasha my ex, has been unhappy for a long time in fact before i came into her life 6 years ago we just broke up, but all those symtoms that girl was saying i could see it all in Natasha, well alot of myside of the family and friends seem's to think she needs help for depression my mother works for doctors and they have said it, but she doesnt want to believe she is depressed and with her father sayin she was unhappy before me during me and after me thats very sad, the mother is a drunk, and doesnt handle those situation well and friends i guess dont see it, and she has nobody to cry on or lean on for help, but gosh i would do anything to see my daughter happy like i keep posting, gosh, its a sad, thing but nobody can do it but her self, i know it would make her a better person!

 
Old 12-30-2012, 07:58 AM   #9
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 217
shahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB Usershahila HB User
Re: hiding depression?

i don't have depression, but so many times i m really deeply sad and i just smile/ laugh at it in front of others. to some extent, smile is always on my face.also i like to keep this image .. i feel my real Self was like this, or should be like this ...

my close friends know that when i do it it means i m really sad.

the problem is that i never complain of anything too. and i always talk about the + things that is happening to me .. and it s just misleading to others, i never get any emotional support because of this ...

some nice people that they notice that i smile / laugh when i m sad ask me why .. but i cant tell them that I laugh because I can't cry in public

 
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