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Old 11-17-2007, 08:38 AM   #1
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Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

My son has just been diagnosed. He is curled up now, shaking with anxiety, and his life has changed. Genetics! He is so sad, scared about what his life with be like because he has seen what the illness has done to me. Doc is treating this aggressively but I know what is ahead of him. I feel so guilty. Can anyone give me wisdom, comfort? I need to find a way to be settled with this.

 
Old 11-17-2007, 09:50 AM   #2
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Hi:

This may sound like a cop out but unfortunately we do no get to pick which genes we pass onto our children. Both sides of my family are hardwired with depression it just comes with the last name

take care
trg247
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Old 11-17-2007, 09:55 AM   #3
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Hey Samorris,
Like trg247 said, we cannot pick our genes. Knowing that and knowing what you have been through, you know what you need to do to try and help him. Be there for him, hug and tell him you love him. Tell him you been there, done that and wish you could change things for him. You can't, only he can, but he needs love and support right now.
Best wishes,
JB

 
Old 11-17-2007, 02:32 PM   #4
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

I had the same family Doctor for 30 years. He used to say on a regular basis "boy, do you ever have a bad gene pool".

Between both sides of my family, we have suffered from everything from diabetes, depression, kidney disease, liver disease, heart disease, anxiety, alcoholism....there's lots more.

There's nothing you can do about passing it on. You may be able to help with keeping it from getting worse.

If this hasn't been done, I would advise starting counselling now. It may make a huge difference in his length of recovery. If he can be honest with you about his needs, I would say his chances of success would be greatly increased.

Please don't beat yourself up for something that isn't your fault. By helping him, you will help yourself.

Lil

 
Old 11-17-2007, 05:07 PM   #5
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Im going to have to call this the "cry zone". Yall have given me goose bumps with your support. You are right, I have been where he is and I would much rather have him, with or without the chance of passing on the genes. I also have this illness galoping thru my family...both sides. I have my father's gene pool with the worst of the two depression. (suicides, substance abuse, etc.) The doctor says that he can tame this thing and put him into remission. So I do have hope. Right now, hes not up for learning the coping skills. I did manage to get him to put some pics of himself in his wallet (happy pics, who he really is).
But hes so great. Handsome, has a girlfriend who doesn't understand and makes him feel worse about himself (he needs to question this relationship later), 6'4" soccer and fraternity boy. Hes lost the semester, going to have to withdraw from all of his classes. Doc has told him no more beer and we all know what that does to a college kid and how he will see himself as handicapped. So popular and thinks that nobody respects him (going thru the paranoid phase).
Gosh I wish I could take it off of him for a day. But he is brave---just doesn't know yet that this will make him a better person.
Just got switched from Prozac to Effexor and needs Ativan but it makes him sleepy. I broke all the rules last night and gave him a Seroquel to help him sleep and try to curb the anxiety. I know his doc wont mind, I just hated to call him at home on a Friday night.
Thank you for all of your kind words. Anybody have a clue as to what to do about anxiety that will help him not feel drugged? He hates this and it makes him feel even worse about himself.

 
Old 11-17-2007, 08:11 PM   #6
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

I have found the anxiety reducing properties in Effexor to be very good. It works for me.

Is it possible to reduce the Ativan dosage, so that it doesn't make him as sleepy, until the Effexor has taken effect?

This could involve a day to day change in dosage, depending on how he feels.

I do this myself, when switching drugs, but I've had lots of practice at it.

Just a thought...

Lil

 
Old 11-18-2007, 01:54 AM   #7
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Take a load off yourself. You've obviously been through enough dealing with your own depression and now your son's without feeling guilty. He should be on a good multivitamin with good vitamin B doses and zinc and magnesium and calcium. All those help with anxiety. Remind him and yourself of all the artists and actors and musicians and rock stars who have depression. There's worse things to pass on in your genes (although it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment). Often depression comes hand in hand with creativity. Drinking's bad with depression because it tends to exacerbate it, but he could have the odd drink with his mates if he just has a light beer, as long as it doesn't mix badly with his meds.

 
Old 11-18-2007, 10:00 PM   #8
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Great ideas! I will get him some good vitamins tomorrow...plus some for myself and we'll cut the Ativan pills in half. That should make him feel a little more normal.
As to the drinking, I talked to him at length today and he doesn't mind. He says that he will reserve the drinking for special occasions...says that they will be more of an occasion. So, New Years Eve, Im not even going to ask. But I think he understands the properties and effects of alcohol. I suggested that he have a beer, when hes finished, he can fill the bottle with a coke or something so that he doesn't get quizzed by everybody. He likes that idea, no stigmas, not questions. Plus, this will give him more confidence in his personality.

Yall have been super and I really appreciate the support. Youve given me great ideas and made me feel stronger.
Susan

 
Old 11-18-2007, 10:05 PM   #9
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Great ideas! I will get him some good vitamins tomorrow...plus some for myself and he can try cutting the Ativan pills in half. That should make him feel a little more normal.
As to the drinking, I talked to him at length today and he doesn't mind. He says that he will reserve the drinking for special circumstances...says that they will be more of an occasions. So, New Years Eve, Im not even going to ask. But I think he understands the properties and effects of alcohol. I suggested that he have a beer, when hes finishes, he can fill the bottle with a coke or something so that he doesn't get quizzed by everybody. He likes that idea, no stigmas, no questions. I doubt he will do this long, though, since he is really honest. On the really good side, this will give him a chance to build up more confidence in his personality, without a buzz.

Yall have been super and I really appreciate the support. Youve given me great ideas and made me feel stronger. I cant thank you enough.
Susan

 
Old 11-19-2007, 02:10 AM   #10
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

'k, I'll be the naggy mom here. Please don't have him do anything different with his meds than exactly what his doctor is prescribing. He's between 18--22 I'm guessing, so ....still within the age range of not so much research on how meds affect these young guys. There are too many differences between adolescents and adults to be playing with his doses. Okay, that's it for the naggy mom bit.

He has his whole life ahead of him, and that includes all kinds of new treatments that haven't even been created yet. It's going to get better and better as more and more people give up the idea that there's a stigma to depression, and start demanding better and quicker answers and solutions.

My son had some depression when he started high school. I felt some guilt but also found a book, More Than Moody, which helped me with his depression. His doc didn't put him on meds, but I would have said yes if they had asked. Keep us posted.

 
Old 11-19-2007, 08:41 AM   #11
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Quote:
'k, I'll be the naggy mom here. Please don't have him do anything different with his meds than exactly what his doctor is prescribing. He's between 18--22 I'm guessing, so ....still within the age range of not so much research on how meds affect these young guys. There are too many differences between adolescents and adults to be playing with his doses. Okay, that's it for the naggy mom bit.
Dosing is all subjective.....

If I took the "recommended" dosage of most drugs, they might kill me.

If "sam" were to take her son to the Doctor to "lower" an "anxiety" med, he'd probably be thrilled.

Lil

 
Old 11-19-2007, 09:39 AM   #12
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of passing on the depression

Hi:

Is he taking the Ativan as needed or is it a scheduled drug. Personally if it is as needed I see no harm in cutting it in half and spreading out the time when he takes it but I am not a doctor or a pharmacist. If it is scheduled I would go see a doctor at first and like Lil said the doctor would probably be thrilled to reduce the dose.

take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds
Pristiq
Cymbalta
Seroquel
Temazapam

 
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