I run into this question all of the time on various boards and different sites "When do you know its time to check yourself into the hospital?". The answer is simple if you are thinking about it then more then likely it is time. My favorite answer as of late is "If you can not convince yourself that your NOT a threat to yourself or anyone else you need to go in"
Doctors talk about risk factors all of the, at least my doctors do. They want to determine whether or not a risk to yourself or others. What factors do they look at in my opinion: Persons control over there actions, persons mental diagnosis, previous suicidal behavior, self harm history/ risky behaviors and can this person be managed in the community. On my best of days I am 6 or 7 out of 10 normally higher but my doctor knows the amount of control I have in my life so I get away with a high number. Both times that I have been admitted is because I lost control and my number jumped to ten out of ten if not higher. The writing was on the wall and eventually I saw it then within hours I was admitted. When you are trying to leave the hospital they take the risk factor number into effect and the decision whether or not you go home has a lot to do with this number. Both times I left the hospital I played their game to a different angle and got what I was aiming for and screwing myself in the process.
In the last couple of days I have told two seperate members, not on this board, that it was time to check themselves in, from my perspective the writing was on the wall. When I was working I get to see the situation from start to finish but on this board people just disappear and I pray they made the right decision and not the wrong one. Thats the worst part about health forums like this is not knowing what happened next at least not immediately. I always think the worse until I hear differently. These people are asking for help so we help them but what happenned next is frustrating by not knowing how the situation ended. I personaly will always react when someone is crying out for help for that is what people are suppose to do. The first time I was admitted I had my now exwife log in and explain where I was and what happenned just because I did not want others to worry and a lot of others have done the same thing with their partners in the years I have been on this site. I am not looking for details just a simple message thats says I am ok.
A month ago I was in the hospital in a really bad place mentally and I wrote which was basically a suicide note. Four nurses watched me drop it on the main nursing desk then I went to my room and waited for someone to come in to address the letter I had just dropped off. They never came. I handled it the way I have handled the majority of problems in my life by destroying my body. Two days later my doctor asked me if I wrote the note, which was an odd question since I had signed it, and I said yes a couple of days ago and he was the very first medical professional to ask me. He asked how I handled the situation so I answered simply the same thing I always do and it was a good thing that both feet were not planted across that line that you don't come back from for I would be dead. Later on he found out who the nurses who were working at the time and they all apologized me to me later which meant nothing to me. Of all the garbage that was put into my head as a child, I was taught that when someone is in trouble you do whatever it takes to help them so I do. Every time I am second guessing my involvement in a difficult situation that has nothing to do with me I remember the teacher when I was seven who ignored my cries for help and I remember the next teacher at eight who pulled the same trick and I remember those four nurses who did the same thing. Some of the time my answers to their cries for help may come off harsh but I want to make sure the message is clear that this person needs more help then this board can offer so they have to go to the next step.
I am rambling
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
I can't believe that the nurses would just ignore your note.
At the hospital I was in...close to Orillia.....I couldn't even make a joke about suicide without being told, that if I kept doing that, I would be put in an "acute" ward.
That's unbelievable.....what did the nurses apologize for? If I were them, I wouldn't want someone killing, or harming themself on my watch.
They apologized for not taking the note as serious as they should have or something along those lines as I was not really listening.
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
I realize that they are doing a job, but to re-inforce a patient's desire to self harm/commit suicide, rather than diffusing it...to me is actually a breach of ethics....
I think they should have been formally disciplined.
My doctor explaination to why certain nurses tended to treat me or not treat me a certain way is they were scared of what I would do and how I would react as I am very unapproachable at certain times. Yet none of the others on the ward had a problem approaching me ..... but whatever.
When I was working outside of the one to one work I would do with the boys the other part of my job was to identify flaws or errors in the program and fix them. When I was in the hospital at some level I continued to do so and I pointed them out repeatedly and a lot of them were on a personal level. I didn't tell one nurse that one of her coworkers sucked but either told that the person who was screwing up or just ignored them.
The other thing was the ward had a rule that other patients could not counsel a fellow patient they were just to provide support and if the situation went the wrong way to get a nurse which is what I did a couple of times during my first week but after that I just tried to handle the situation on my own and I knew the nurses were waiting til I screwed up and sent the patient the wrong way so they could then have ammunition against me but it never happened. There were patients who would tell there doctors that once they hit a certain level the first person they would seek out was me which ****** certain nurses off but as long as I was effective there really was not much they could do. The nurses I did get along with saw me as an asset and they knew that if I didn't like how the situation was going while I was trying to help someone else that I would find them, tell them what I was thinking and how they should approach it ........ most of these were the younger nurses. But the other nurses let their egos take over and just saw me as a threat ... to what I am not sure or they saw what was written down on my file: Very difficult, severe MDD with psycotic features, BPD, PTSD, GAD, education is in Mental Health, analytical and logical based mindset, knows whats going on but unable to do anything about it when it relates to him, long self harm history, can be very manipulative at times and it probably goes on and on - I am not your "average" patient. Maybe they took the note as a form of manipulation so I could mess with their heads I personally would not have taken that route and would have sided with the fact you take any suggestion of suicidal behavior seriously and I believe a good percentage of nurses would have taken my route but I picked the wrong day to freak and was stuck with four nurses who saw me as a threat and not someone who needed help. I am rambling
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
trg, you are right when you point out that "ego" had to do with how certain nurses treated you, also not everyone has the same work ethic, it's fantastic when someone actually cares, it makes all the difference in the world. It is obvious that you are highly intelligent which I'm sure intimidates those that neglected to properly care for you. Oh and I get so much out of what you consider rambling. As always thank you.
When I was in the hospital myself and 2 other women felt we had issues that needed to be addressed and discussed being abused as children. We had too much time just sitting around, hurting inside. One woman never told a single person, couldn't even say the words, then spent two days in bed. I got reprimanded for our private discussions even though it helped all of us tremendously. The three of us support each other to this day. Fortunately they are doing better than I.
Hi, when you talk about being admitted into a hospital, where is the hospital? What is it? Is it a mental institution or different? Just curious, thanks.
A lot of hospitals (tho not enough) have a psychiatric ward within the larger hospital. And there are also separate psychiatric hospitals. Two different things. I went to the ward within the hospital. The separate psychiatric hospital here is a state hospital--read, one step up from prison, with some scary people, some of whom actually should BE in prison but it's too full. Does that clarify?
Yes, that does clarify. I wonder, though, how it is decided whether someone should go to a psychiatric ward within a hospital or the other separate state hospitals?
Maybe insurance has a big influence. I know after "my two weeks" were "up" that was it until the next year's coverage kicked in. If needed, my only choice would have been the state hospital, or so I was told.
I am a psychology graduate student, and these are questions I had in the classroom, but I never seemed to get adequate answers. Your response may be right about insurance, but still we do not know for sure. My mom guessed that state hospitals are for very serious mentally ill people who are there for a lifetime, but that is her guess. But I would like to know for my own education and personal knowledge. And I think people who have been there are the best teachers.
Call up the local psych unit and state hospital, or search on the web maybe? Oh, heck, just go visit one. ...but I think it's scarier visiting the first time than having to be there. And if you ever have to be there, it's not nearly as scary if you go back afterwards to visit (not stay). That can be empowering.
Yeah, seriously mentally ill, but there is very little anymore that is lifetime inpatient. "Least restrictive" seems to be the goal these days.
That is interesting. To be honest with you, I was hospitalized for the first time at Thalians, which is at Cedars Cinai in West Hollywood. I had a drinking problem and a broken relationship and became suicidal while drinking. Although I was supposed to be there on hold for 72 hours, the psychiatrists evaluated me and released me after 2 days. My problem that got me hospitalized was alcohol, and now that I have been sober for 31 days, I feel so much better.
Just alcohol. My mental symptoms, such as depression and suicidal behavior and thinking, came as a result of using alcohol. Those mental symptoms dissipate once I stop drinking alcohol. I guess I am fortunate in that way.
I guess I recovered pretty quickly because it was only for 2 days. I popped right back to "normal," !
....... and now that I have been sober for 31 days, I feel so much better.
Zak, Thats great, congratulations and keep up the good work! Are there days when this is a struggle for you? I'm in recovery myself but I was actually hospitalized for depression while sober. If your depression dissipates as a result of sobriety you are extremely lucky. Love to hear good news like that!! -17
Last edited by positivity17; 11-27-2007 at 02:50 PM.
Yes, there are days that are more of a struggle for me. But as it says in the Big Book of AA, I know that being a recovering alcoholic means that I will often be restless, irritable, and discontent, and I have to accept that, knowing that my depression will pass in time as long as I stay sober.
I am also finding that developing my own "rules of conduct" for my life are important. First of all, let me tell you that I am a transsexual male who is on cross-gender hormones to help with my gender change. My female name is Caitlyn.
I am finding that I need to develop rules for living, such as dating rules. When I do not have these rules, my heart gets sliced by other men, and I am more likely to go into a suicidal depression, which is what happened during my hospitalization; I met a total jerk who did not even bring me to the hospital when he saw that I had slit my wrists. Crazy, huh? Well, a friend suggested to me that when things do not look well with a relationship and there are many red flags, I need to end it and not keep on going back. He says that we are a lot alike. Well, I keep on going back and my heart gets hurt and hurt even more. And then I regret not listening to my friend's advice. Well, I have started to change. There was this guy I was struggling with, and I was changing as a result of getting sober. Well, we were looking forward to meeting each other one-on-one, and then when my parents went away, you could see the sexual selfishness creep up in him, and he wanted to bring over another guy and have a 3-way. I was so hurt. A couple days later, I have emailed this guy, and told him to leave me alone, but with much stronger words that I don't think I can say on here. Since then, I have developed a list of guys who I no longer will ever communicate with again, no matter how things may have changed. This is my best protection.
What I am saying is that I have to be active in my life and develop a set of rules that work for me to keep me sane and living because it is a jungle out there. One guy at an AA meeting the other day told me that I better get big boobs. I talked with my gender therapist about this, and she said that the comment was inappropriate. Since then, I have told the guy that his comment was innappropriate, and he apologized. But there are only so many chances that I will give this guy before I end the AA friendship. My rules may not be helpful for other people, and actually may seem unhealthy. But my friend and I are very alike, and I am going to trust him on this one and see how it goes.
I need to start protecting myself and not being so nice and forgiving. Although I was drinking, it was also my forgiving nature that helped end me up in the hospital. Maybe this is why more women than men suffer from depression; because we are softer.
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