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Old 01-07-2008, 03:16 PM   #1
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I want to be alone-right?-not right?

I have depression which is notably worse this time of year. I tend to want to just stay home from about October-April. I don't feel lonely really, I have things I do to occupy myself. My husband is a good man and he knows that I am abit of a bedroom recluse. I have my own room with my laptop,HDTV and everything I need to make it cozy. I love my room. I don't have any maintained friendships because I don't want to do anything with them. I have basically pushed my brother's and sister away because I find them to be very toxic and I feel stressed talking with them on the phone and especially seeing them in person which we don't often. They drink everyday & I don't at all; they smoke wacky tabacky and I don't. But I find things they say and do really irratate me, really irrate me so much I won't answer the phone if I see it's one of them. How do you keep cool talking to a narcasistc drunk person? I used to party until I felt it was time to put the party hat away due to health reasons, I'm not a prude my health is more important.

I had pretty intense falling out with my sister on New year's Eve day. She had called and left a message and said "Hi-Happy New Years Eve-give me a call I'm at work." So I called her and said "Hi" and right away she says "what's wrong?" and I said "nothing is wrong I am returning your call" she then says "well I called to wish you Happy New Years" (how long does this happy holiday stuff go on-sick of it)So I said Happy New Years to you to" with that she says "your wierd" and I said "why would you say I'm wierd? she says "because you are wierd. All I said was Hi and how do you get wierd from that?" With that she says " hummmmmm o-k-a-y in that long sarcastic way people do. So I got fiesty and said "you are paronoid, you are always fighting people for what ever reason. With that she says "I don't need to listen to this and hung up the phone while I was saying Happy 2008 to her. She was mad at my brother the week before because he never went out and stayed with her while working in our city, he's tired after work but she put it on him, like it's all his fault. Now I'm in the poop-bag. It's like if you don't dance to her tune there could be consequences,yikes.

I think she is a bit narcasistic, nothing is ever her fault. Like I said she drinks daily and smokes both kinds of tobbaco daily. I mean that is her business, the reason I even bring it up is because I think her vises are making her paronoid and she makes every conversation a stressful interlude. She takes every thing personally and misinterprets the people she is speaking to by the "tone" of your voice. By the time she has anylized that I am wierd and speaks down to me in her "sarcastic tone" I am totally stressed, annoyed and PO'd. By the time she whines about it to every one she will become the poor hurt polly anna-all she did was call to say Happy New Year. I in turn back away as far as I can to avoid people I feel tense speaking to for fear of saying something in the wrong tone. I did call her voice mail and told her I did not appreciate being called wierd and said "do you not think you are somewhat wierd yourself?" Haven't heard from her since and I won't call because what she doesn't know is that with depression it's kind of normal to push people away therefore she could be waitng a long time. But I feel I was right in not taking her crap, I find the older I get the less patience I have and the more I can do without family, is this strange? I am a young minded 53 year old having a tough winter.

Last edited by ebrena; 01-07-2008 at 03:24 PM. Reason: spelling

 
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Old 01-08-2008, 04:59 AM   #2
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Hi Ebrena, sorry about your toxic siblings. Could you maybe consider the source (your sister) and not let her bother you? If you know that she is a trouble maker do you think that you can put up a wall to block her from penetrating you?

 
Old 01-08-2008, 11:13 AM   #3
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Yes Sannah the wall is up now. I just hate how she is not this perfect person but she has always portraid that she is and gets away with it. She's 50 trying to be 25 I don't want to compete with that. Thanks for your reply

 
Old 01-09-2008, 05:21 AM   #4
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Sounds like good old sibling rivalry to me. Both of ye need to grow up. When i read your post i thought you were a teenager, honestly. Not taking a swipe at you or anything but i bet by the time you got to this sentence you've got your defences up....think about it
maneka

 
Old 01-09-2008, 06:36 AM   #5
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ebrena View Post
I just hate how she is not this perfect person but she has always portraid that she is and gets away with it. She's 50 trying to be 25 I don't want to compete with that.
Then don't compete with it. The choice is yours. Now I see why she gets under your skin. You don't have to be a victim to this. I would look at her as just that and let her be. You both are two seperate people. Maybe look within yourself more to see why she irritates you so and heal those wounds within?

 
Old 01-09-2008, 07:38 AM   #6
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

I feel the same way about the winter months. Long, cold, dark, gloomy. Seasonal affective disorder is what they call it. I've had it for 40 years before it had a name.

For that reason, I'm planning on moving to a warmer, sunnier climate as soon as we are able. Not hot and steamy, just three seasons would be nice.

 
Old 01-09-2008, 06:47 PM   #7
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Ebrena:

The title of your post is "I want to be alone - right? not right? yet most of your narrative deals with your sister. Is the issue "I don't want to be around my sister and is this okay?"

I rarely see my family. When I got sober I knew I had to distance myself from them because it was either them or me and it wasn't going to be me. That was 8 years ago and I still find it hard to stand by my ground. I realized that I have to live by nobody else's rules but my own. I don't care what society says or what "they say" or what my Mom says (she is the one I have the most trouble with). I do what is good for me and you should do the same (not good for me, but good for YOU)!

Treelover.

 
Old 01-09-2008, 09:31 PM   #8
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Thank you all for your input. I am sorry however with the way I wrote my post. I started and ran with it.

No not a teenager Maneka5* I think I just feel guilty turning away from my family particularily as I have always been the one (the oldest) everyone turns to with their downer's- I don't want to listen anymore.

My mom passed away 2 years ago with sclc stage 4 and I was her caregiver, she was my best friend. None of my sibs were there for us and I guess after that I lost some feelings towards my sibs and don't have the desire to listen to their trivial problems. We all have problems, I have problems but I would never turn to them to sort them out. I work out my own issues. I have always put other's before me and I don't feel like doing that anymore and they think I should be.

So I guess what the real issue is: is it not an alright thing for me to turn away from my family? I know you are suppose to keep the family ties together but I don't really like them as adults and I feel terrible about it but I really don't. They stress me out. I am feeling much better however over the past few days with my decision to distance myself. I guess with losing my mom and dad and a brother-having 3 sibs who were once so close but have drifted seems weird to me. I'll sort it out but it breaks my heart that we have come to this.

Sannah, I didn't really mean compete with my sis I worded it wrong. I just don't want to hear what she has to say anymore.

Antiquemom- My best season's are the Fall and Spring

Treelover- you hit it pretty well right on! thank you I guess my post should have said "is it okay to distance myself from family" I know they are a huge part of my stress because when I don't hear from them I am so much more relaxed. Who knows!

Last edited by ebrena; 01-09-2008 at 09:34 PM.

 
Old 01-10-2008, 04:53 AM   #9
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Hi Ebrena, I am distant from my immediate family too and I don't feel guilty about it! I guess your sibs just got used to you being the way that you were before but you can change any time you want to. There are choices in life and we certainly have the right to make them.

 
Old 01-10-2008, 06:14 AM   #10
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

Exactly!!!! Everyone on this post echoes the same feeling; you have to think of yourself first and that is not being selfish!

You only have one chance to live each day. Time is just marching forward. It's wrong to live by the standards of anyone else. Sure, we have to live by the rules of ethics and our government, but within our own circle of family, no way.

You are you. You do not have to tailor your life to suit anyone else. That's all we have is our own free will. If you don't care for your sister and you choose not to return her calls, respond to her in any way, you are making a choice to be true to yourself.

I have a distant sister myself. Too bad; I wish it weren't that way. But she made her choices and has her own issues. The only time I think about her and her choices is when I see how it affects our elderly parents. And in a way, as parents they had their opportunity to grab hold of situations with her when she was very young and they did not. Why should I suffer because of this?

Make friends. Good friends. They become your new family. I have excellent relationships with the rest of my family and inlaws. And very close friends. And a 27 year marriage.

Put toxic relationships in the back of your mind and forget about them. My sister doesn't write to me or even have my phone number and I'm fine with that.

Last edited by antiquemother2; 01-10-2008 at 06:15 AM.

 
Old 01-10-2008, 08:30 AM   #11
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

You are both so right. That was the word "selfish" I didn't want to be selfish, however they are and the dysfunction of their lives just brings me down. Bores me. I don't need it anymore, I want to be happy & surround myself with pleasant interestring thoughts. I do need to make new good friends because when I lost my mom, I went into a major funk and pulled away from my friends. They are still their but I need to work them back into my life. Thanks girl's for your helpful input, we do only go around once.

 
Old 02-03-2011, 12:53 AM   #12
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Re: I want to be alone-right?-not right?

no actually it is not right you have to interact with people so your sadness will be share by that people. I suggest you one thing go to the holiday with your best friend, you will feel better.
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