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Old 01-27-2008, 12:36 PM   #1
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I think my husband hates me...

I think my husband hates me now. I am severly depressed and for the first time in my life I have had anxiety attacks. Everything he says makes me cry and wish I was dead. I was cutting for a while, but I don't think I would ever kill myself. He says that my problem is all self pity crap and to just get over it and sometimes he'll hold me and tell me that everything will be ok.

I am so confused. I don't think anyone in this world really understands me or loves me. I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life.

The doctor put me on 10mg Lexapro Friday and I don't know how or what it will do, but I am very scared that my husband will leave me.

Last edited by MonicaB07; 01-27-2008 at 12:36 PM.

 
Old 01-27-2008, 01:00 PM   #2
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Hi, Monica. I feel your pain. You poor thing--I wish I could give you a hug--there, here's my hug to you. Your husband sounds like a very unsupportive person. He also sounds extremely ignorant. Anyone who accuses a depressed person of causing their pain and demise from self pity doesn't know what they are talking about!! And anyone who says something like that has never walked one day in their life suffering from this type of affliction!! Again, I feel your pain. I'm not saying your husband can't ever be educated on this topic (only you know him), but you'll be able to tell if he even really cares about wanting to attempt to get educated. Some people don't even want to try to understand depression. They find it easier just to blame the poor depressed person, and that is totally WRONG!! Please don't cut yourself. You won't be doing yourself any good. I know you don't feel strong at all right now--and thanks to your husband, he's not helping any one bit--but in light of what you're up against with your husband, you do need to have a measure of strength. Would he be willing to go to couple's therapy? It couldn't hurt to ask, and if he responds by saying something like no way, you're the one with the problem, etc., then you'll know that he doesn't have a compassionate bone in his body. Please write more on how things are going. I'm routing for you. You need to route for yourself, too. Debbie

 
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Old 01-27-2008, 02:39 PM   #3
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Hey there Monica...I hope things are already going better for you. But that might be only wishful thinking for you right now. I totally understand what's going on and how you're feeling. I'm giving you a hug first though. *hug* ^_^ My parents didn't understand and still to a good certain degree, don't. Countless times, they have made me break down and sob and wish I was dead as well. They would say hurtful things to me stating for me to just try and make it go away. To try and make it vanish. My grandmother told me that I should try to fight it in my head as the medicine is much too expensive and not even to mention the doctor bills. My brother, sister-in-law, and best friend are the only ones to actually help me or even attempt at helping me. Talking calmly to me when I'm hysterical, helping me sort things out rationally, hold me when I cry, and such things as this. My family pretty much ignores me at gatherings such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. I only got a few heys from people at the family gatherings. Some of them honestly believe that I should be in a psychiatric hospital because I'm severely depressed. Great reaction yeah?

Monica, are you currently seeing a therapist? If not, it might benefit you greatly as it seems as if you husband will not help very much or at all. At first, I was honestly skeptical about seeing a therapist as I thought I would be wasting my time. But I can say from the way I was in June to now, I have been able to cope much better with daily tasks and events. My therapist pointed out that I let people lead my life and affect the way I feel a little too much. Maybe you are letting your husband lead the way you feel too much? And this is said in all good will in trying to help you...I certainly don't want to offend you whatsoever. If you are not currently seeing a therapist, maybe talk to your doctor about maybe seeing a therapist? The antidepressant medication does work, you just have to find the right one. I've been on Wellbutrin XL 300 MG, Cymbalta 60 MG, and am currently on Zoloft 100 MG. I think that I have finally found the "right" one though will need to increase the dosage most likely. It generally takes up to 4 to 6 weeks to feel better. I hope that I have been able to help you Monica.

Best Wishes,
Zed

 
Old 01-27-2008, 03:33 PM   #4
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Hey Monica,

Can't tell if he hates you or not, but I can tell you, when I do feel "off", especially with anxiety, I worry ALL. THE. TIME. about my friends and relationships. And if/when my dose is adjusted, things generally clear up and then I don't worry so much. Lexapro is helpful for both depression and anxiety, so hopefully soon you will notice small changes, small improvements. And so will your husband. Keep us posted.

 
Old 01-27-2008, 07:13 PM   #5
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Hi Monica....

Hope I'm right. I think your husband might be frustrated, because there's nothing he can do to help you. Some men get hostile when they're frustrated with something they can't fix.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said "suck it up" to me, I'd be rich. People do not understand depression, and how disabling it is. If he never experiences it himself, he won't understand it.

You are not alone....there are millions of people dealing with the same feelings as you are.

*hug*

Let us know how the meds work....

Lil

 
Old 01-28-2008, 07:10 AM   #6
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Hi Monica, I agree with Pri Lily that you husband just might be frustrated because he doesn't know what to do and he gets angry and then says these things. Is your anxiety from the insecurity of his support not feeling too strong? I know how it feels to be scared and insecure about things.

 
Old 01-28-2008, 11:27 AM   #7
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonicaB07 View Post
I think my husband hates me now. I am severly depressed and for the first time in my life I have had anxiety attacks. Everything he says makes me cry and wish I was dead. I was cutting for a while, but I don't think I would ever kill myself. He says that my problem is all self pity crap and to just get over it and sometimes he'll hold me and tell me that everything will be ok.

I am so confused. I don't think anyone in this world really understands me or loves me. I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life.

The doctor put me on 10mg Lexapro Friday and I don't know how or what it will do, but I am very scared that my husband will leave me.

Sounds like we're going through the same thing. My depression is so bad right now. My husband is no help at all. He doesn't even hardly talk to me. I wish I was dead. Life sucks so bad for me. I honestly feel like nobody even cares. The only reason I am here is for my daughter and my cats. Those are the only things that appreciate me. I take Prozac and it actually helps me. I'd hate to imagine if I weren't on it. Everyday I think of ways to painlessly go away. I wish I could do it. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Life is nothing but problems. Every single day is nothing but worrying, anxiety and feeling like I could go to sleep and never wake up. I hope your Lexapro helps you. I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone.

 
Old 01-28-2008, 11:40 PM   #8
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Marblehead....

I think you need to have a talk with your husband. Things will not go on like this forever. Something will change, sometime.

Why don't you take the lead, and try to steer the change in the direction that you want it to go, rather than just waiting and letting the chips fall where they may...

Just a suggestion....

Lil

 
Old 01-29-2008, 06:51 AM   #9
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pri Lily View Post
Marblehead....

I think you need to have a talk with your husband. Things will not go on like this forever. Something will change, sometime.

Why don't you take the lead, and try to steer the change in the direction that you want it to go, rather than just waiting and letting the chips fall where they may...

Just a suggestion....

Lil
Thank you for your advice. You're right about me taking the lead. I do need to do that. I've been thinking a lot about where to start. Sometimes I feel as if my brain is stuck and I don't know how to do things that I know I need to do. But I'm trying. Thanks again.

 
Old 01-29-2008, 07:08 AM   #10
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marblehead View Post
You're right about me taking the lead. I do need to do that. I've been thinking a lot about where to start. Sometimes I feel as if my brain is stuck and I don't know how to do things that I know I need to do.
Hi Marblehead, great advice that you got from Lil. You say that you don't know how to do things that you need to do. Boy, do I understand what you are saying there! This was the position that I was in years ago. For me it was because I was never taught or never learned from watching someone else who knew what they were doing. All of these things can be learned. The same thing with taking the lead. I was a big follower. Life just happened. Well I learned that there is another way and that I was more than capable of learning how to do it. Good Luck!

 
Old 01-29-2008, 11:15 AM   #11
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Pri Lily HB User
Re: I think my husband hates me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marblehead View Post
Thank you for your advice. You're right about me taking the lead. I do need to do that. I've been thinking a lot about where to start. Sometimes I feel as if my brain is stuck and I don't know how to do things that I know I need to do. But I'm trying. Thanks again.
Try to think about the problems....

Put them in order

Talk to him about the problems in order.

Try to remain calm. If he gets angry, and stops the conversation, let it go....until another opportunity arises. Then gently try again.

This sounds impossible, I know, but it's pro-active, and if there's a possibility that you can improve your situation by using your head, you will feel better about yourself.

Trust me.

Lil

 
Old 06-19-2010, 05:45 AM   #12
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonicaB07 View Post
I think my husband hates me now. I am severly depressed and for the first time in my life I have had anxiety attacks. Everything he says makes me cry and wish I was dead. I was cutting for a while, but I don't think I would ever kill myself. He says that my problem is all self pity crap and to just get over it and sometimes he'll hold me and tell me that everything will be ok.

I am so confused. I don't think anyone in this world really understands me or loves me. I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life.
Sounds like you and I are in the same boat. I developed anxiety attacks while dating my husband and I started to cut myself (not for attention it's more like I am filled with an inner rage/pain and when I would slice it would stop it, but I seen it was making me worst and not solving the problem so I stopped for self preservation) He use to tell me that I was 1st on his list besides god, and I use to believe him. Now it feels he's first on his list. When I do things for him he always critizes me like cooking and when I do something I think he'll like it always back fires. It sucks to feel uncherish and unappreciated.

It seems like all the fighting and turmoil (I lost a pregnancy because of it, which still bothers me today , since now he wants a baby and we are having trouble concieving) in our relationship have left us dead and not as loving towards eachother, We were in councilling (and it was working) but he wanted to quit. I have noticed that in the beggining I was blinded to his faults, he's a leo, selfish, attention seeking, bipolar, always trying to hurt those who hurt or offend him, used to be a pot-head, was a major partier when it came to his two older brothers and he's a big spoiled baby. But...I have my faults to i am needy, insecure, jealous, shy and much more I'm sure.

And now I feel trapped, unwanted, unloved, abused and not good enough. and it really sucks. look on the bright side...at least your not unemployed and your husband is saying things like "How's that free food taste?" or rubbing in your face your unemployed...

Last edited by Kaleadra; 06-19-2010 at 05:46 AM.

 
Old 06-19-2010, 07:06 AM   #13
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Re: I think my husband hates me...

Its too bad that your husband treats you like that.He doesn't understand because he's never felt the way you do.Most people who have never felt the despair and low self-esteem that depression can manifest to are gonna think its self pity or to just get over it.I have been were your at with my husband he put up with alot of my problems too, but we stuck it out and things got better.Can you go to consuling, do you have insurance?

Last edited by 1wholuvsbooks; 06-19-2010 at 07:13 AM.

 
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