Re: living with somebody with depression...
Oh, I could be "your wife" etc. 2 kids, you my husband with the long hours, me with the depression/anger. I'm sorry you're having to live with "me" before I finally gave up and stayed on meds. That was after I was fed up with you and asked you to leave.
Is she willing to take meds? How old are your children? IMO, counseling before meds if she is angry and depressed all the time will be throwing money away. A depressed brain just thinks exactly the way you described, no matter the evidence to show otherwise. It'll be like dragging the boat upstream, backwards, with her paddling the other direction. I'm sure you have an idea of what I mean. Oh, I mean couples counseling before meds would be like throwing money away. She maybe should see a counselor on her own some, and maybe you want to see one as well. It's very difficult to live with someone who is depressed without getting dragged down into it as well, unless you have some kind of support for you.
As that depressed wife person, know that under all the anger and stuff are her feeling of care for you. I'm sure it must get old sticking your head in the lioness's mouth and getting bitten.