I have spent a lot of time reading the messages on here the past two days. Although I hate that there are so many people in pain it's also a blessing to know I am not alone in the way that I feel. There is no one I feel comfortable speaking to about my "pain". I have suffered many years with depression and thought I had seen my way out of it but seem to be sinking back into it. And medication is out of the question because of horrible insurance and lack of funds right now. Sometimes I can hardly breathe I am so down. I am a receptionist and there are times lately I can hardly talk on the phone. I live in a small community and they are very close minded about "mental illness". I even tried speaking to my pastor about it. It's one of those things that make people very uncomfortable speaking about if they have never had to deal with it.
My husband has had severe health problems and was forced into retirement that cut our funds in half. I work part time because I have three young children and need to spend time with them. I am getting ready to have to put my dog to sleep, we are behind on so many bills and I feel really overwhelmed with all of it. But it's not the reason for my depression. I've gone through this for many years but now the depression is making it unbearable. I can't sleep. I either over eat or don't eat at all. I don't want to be with anyone which makes it hard if you have a family. They don't understand. I would welcome sleep. I lie in bed and feel anxious. About everything and nothing. I know...makes me sound like a loon. And maybe I am. There are no professional counslers here in town. I'd have to travel and hour. So here the money thing comes up again. So for all of you out there that think they are alone...you are not. There are more of "us" out there than we realize. They don't have anyone either to talk to. I totally understand maybe feeling over dramatic or having people roll their eyes. That's why I don't talk about it with them any more. Which isn't healthy either I know but I refuse to have them judge me.
Sorry I vented so much. Just feel pretty much alone right now. Just want to cry but no one will leave me alone long enough. I think times have gotten to where no one really cares about others like they used to. Like holding out a hand when someone else needs it. Sad isn't it? If I could help you all I most certainly would. It pains me to see others in pain. Wow...I am screwed up aren't I?
You are not alone. I am so very sorry to hear about your troubles. I know what it's like to not be able to breathe. I told my doctor during a bad episode that I couldn't "eat sleep or breathe"... it was awful.
Like Jake I wonder if there are any support groups near you??
Or someone who can help- a nurse, doctor, clergy (other than that pastor you spoke to)??
It's hard to cope on your own without help.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I send you my best wishes.
Dear beverley 3, how I dislike people who say.' everyone has problems you just have to get on with it'. I understand the money thing down to the last penny. Having been ill I made so many mistakes with my finances. Now, only because I am on my medication I am coping with everything. I am not saying you need medication. How I sympathise with you. I lie on my bed to and have anxiety. All I can tell you is that communicating through all of us helps enormously. I am just making some homemade tomato soup as I live in tomato land, Guernsey. (keep that a secret!) Tomatos are very cheap here and I am hoping they are helping my mind as well as my digestion system. I am looking for a job but as I am computor useless I am unemployable. Murray KY, I wonder where that is I shall look it up. You look up Guernsey (secretely!) I do not want anyone to know where I live. It is an island 9 miles by 5 with six hundred miles of roads. That is why it is so good for bicycling. Going to try my soup now. It is lunch time here.