Oh dear - Depression Message Board

allsorts · 07-07-2008, 07:33 AM

Well, after a little bit more time, it seems things have gone EXACTLY how they were before my medication. Anxiety, depression you name it.

The last few days, I've been feeling absolute sadness, like wanting to cry all the time for no reason like I used to. I am having panic attacks day and night without reason. I am trying to fight all this, and stay strong. I am keeping myself busy and doing exercise. I am watching what I eat (no junk at all) and what I drink. I am really trying to make this work without medication, but it is getting really bad. The other night, I went to the cinema with some friends and family, and I had a panic attack so bad, I was sick.

I want to get on in my life I really do, but these problems are holding me back.

I'm not sure what to do.

stillsad · 07-07-2008, 03:51 PM

How long have you been without medication? How long were you on it?

Are there any specific triggers that may have brought this back? Job, relationship, friendship, etc?

allsorts · 07-07-2008, 04:54 PM

I was on the medication for nearly 3 years or so. I was weaning off late may, and now I've been off the medicine for properly for probably 3 or 4 weeks.

There is no changes going on in my life that I would say could potentially trigger, my panic attacks or depression. If anything, the changes I have made, are ones I've wanted to do for a long time but couldn't because I was so tired on the medication, like exercising etc. I keep myself pretty busy, as I know sometimes my mind can go in a vicious circle. But despite all the attempted changes, I have been suffering still, if not worse than ever before. The signifcant change is coming off the medication. While on medication these problems that I described were irrelevant, and hardly there. However now, they are constant and in no particular time or reason.

I really hated being on AD's, they absolutely suck for letting you enjoy the small things in life (well for me anyway). I couldn't listen to music anymore because my emotions were numbed, nor could I do anything I enjoyed because I had no emotional connection: I couldn't cry or be happy for example. I ate everything because I didn't care, and I was lazy. My appearance started to slide, as did my social involvement. But I could cope.

Now, that I am off, I am exercising (taking care of my appearence), watching what I eat. I can now do the things I enjoy, I have better social involvement and I am not tired anymore or lazy. The flipside to that is, I am obsessive, cautious, too emotional (sad,depressed,happy), anxious and very restless.

Finding the balance is the key, but how I do that I have NO IDEA AT ALL!

I have way too many highs and lows to know how to deal with it all at the moment. AD's just numbed everything, that's all they did - they didn't help me solve what was wrong - they just hid it from me. I want to know what's wrong, I want to know why I can't sleep properly at night from having panic attacks. I want to know why, I get so sad that I cry or why I get so happy that I am on a high. Maybe I'm asking too much, but I need to address this. The doctors don't care at all, they just want to treat 'physical' illnesses. The only way I can see a true professional is if I pay for it, which is something I can't do right now, because I am too financially tied.