| | Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up.
Hi all. I just thought I'd come here to vent a little as I'm feeling down..
I'm a young girl who has no friends, no family and a hundred flaws. My life has also been bad, not as bad as some people's, but bad enough to cause a disorder. I've already found a few disorders that sound like me - Body Dysmorphic disorder, dependant personality disorder and binge eating disorder. I am fat, ugly, stupid, lazy and hopeless. I have a big nose, bad teeth, frizzy/knotty hair, horrible looking hands, and I am almost obese (160lbs + 5'4''). I have extremely bad handwriting, I STILL suck my thumb for comfort (that is so embarrasing) and.. nobody likes me. No one has liked me for my whole life. I have grown up with a severely paranoid mother and no other people around, I have seen arguments, anger-filled screams and shouts to 'spies', social services in and out of our house, police visits, etc. from the age of 6. When I was 7, I got headlice. No big deal right? wrong. I got seriously infested. I had to get my hair cut and look like a boy twice. My social life went out the window, along with my self esteem. I was a mess. I hated the sight of the horrible little bugs that had ruined my life. I couldn't brush my hair because they would come out. I couldn't go to sleep, they would be scattered around my pillow when I got up. I didn't like wearing hats or putting on hoods or shirts in public because the bugs might show. My biggest fear was them showing. I would stay up all night, just so I wouldn't have to wake up to them. When they cleared up, I got a friend. A best friend. I was 10 years old and constantly pouring my heart out to her that I was fat and ugly. I would wear huge baggy clothes and ugly dresses to 'hide' my fat. I knew I was fat but I couldn't stop binging. My best friend moved away and I was alone again. I was good in school until I went to Secondary school. Now I'm dumb and I get bad marks in everything. I'm also really lazy, and I can't seem to learn anythig, even if I try studying I just give up after 10 minutes. I have no talents. I had poor hygeine but it improved, however I've now become the tramp of our class. I've been battered by all the names people call me, so much that I'm limiting myself to 400 calories a day so that I can lose weight. I also had a huge argument with my mum over money for a haircut and new school jumper so I won't be a tramp anymore. Am I getting desperate? Maybe..
And.. I don't want to grow up at all, the thought of going into that big horrible world that hates ugly fat stupid people all alone terrifies me. I want to stay a little girl forever so people will protect me and take care of me just because I'm a little girl. Sometimes I feel like time is flying past and throwing me into the future when I just want to stay the same age.. forever. If I have to grow up, I atleast want a life. I have no family here, only a mum. She has never been very enthusiastic and so all celebrations are ignored. My life is so boring, dark and miserable. Everyone I know calls me names.
Please help me.
Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 08-17-2008 at 09:39 AM.