Guys i really need help i feel so alone in the world right now and its all my fault, I have depression badly but my problem is i lie to everyone around me to protect myself and all its doing is making everything worse.
I can safetly say im never happy but all this is ugly to me that i feel like i have nowhere to turn and get help, to me this feels like modern lepracy. The social stigma attached to this is horrible.
I have just lost my girlfriend she left now i love her more than anyone ive ever known and i want to talk to her about this but im afraid of losing her completely.
I nearly walked out on my job the other day because simply i dint want to do it anymore.
hi rick, im trisha and i suffer from chronic depression {have done for three years now} so i know where youre coming from. i was attacked by two men and it left me that i no longer leave my home. ive also developed ocd and pull clumps of my own hair out. i dont feel as though i have any control over my life. i feel useless, but the point is im not useless, i had a decent life before those men took it from me. im fighting my way back again with the help of my community phsyciatric nurse. i see youre from england, well im from ireland which is a neighbour so you should have the same support system as me. have you been to see your doctor? if you have and are on meds then maybe you should go back to him and see if theres something else you can try. i had to try four different tablets before i found one that worked for me. if you need to talk to someone {sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger} i check in regularly so leave me a thread and ill answer it as soon as i read it. im in the cancer forum usually as my dad has just been diagnosed but let me know youre there and ill answer you. best wishes, trisha.
I have tried everything except pills, I gave up a 20 year career in sales and marketing and went off to study psychology and counselling thinking that would provide me with the answers and well yes it has i can deal with other peoples problems just not my own.
Im scared of going near pills because of the studying i have done im pretty sell up on the effects of ssri's.
But i feel im stuck with this, because in my mind pills arent the cure for for me, i feel this because most doctors hand them out like sweets these days and i suppose i dont feel like i cant trust their judgement, the only answer i feel i should try at the moment is CBT.
Again the problem is motivation enough to get me off my arse.
hi rick, i hope you didnt think i was recommending tablets for you, as you say, everyone has their own choices to decide whats best for them. personally, im glad im on pills or i dont think id be here now as ive attempted suicide several times and the tablets seem to take those thoughts away {at least i think its the tablets}. if i hadnt took the pills or councilling i was going to be sectioned under the mental health act so i didnt really have a choice. my boyfriend looks after me now and has control of my pills so i wont take too many, but if i do anything silly, i will get sectioned next time. its not your fault for anything thats happened you as you know depression is as much an illness as cancer {for example}. it took me a long time to realise this as people who dont understand think "you should just snap out of it" or "pull yourself together". well you and i know this isnt possible. you try whatever treatments you think will help and i wish you luck for the future, please dont hesitate to contact me if you need a chat as im on here regularly and i will check your thread to see if you post anything else, i will always reply asap. trisha
Thanks for replying, although i feel a fake compared to what your going through i completely appreciate your comments and its nice to know im not alone
you arent a fake rick, your pain is exactly the same as mine so please dont minimise your depression. the only difference to you and i is that our depression was caused by different issues. please dont feel that you have no right to feel the way you do, everybody has different ways of coping and you are no different. keep talking to others if if helps, and like im always telling you, i will check in daily so you can continue talking to me if you want. im afraid i cant stay tonight though as my dad has a short reprieve from hospital so id like to spend some time with him before he has to go back in two days, good luck and God bless, will speak to you tomorrow. trisha.
Trish i think the hardest part of all this for me is the fact that I have lied to so many people over the years, dont get me wrong im not a bad person im always there to help other people out probably even more so than myself, but this started at an early age as a means to protect myself from the world i guess and it carried on until it was natural as breathing. The only reason i was like that was because i felt like a leper next to my friends and other people.
I learnt how to put an act on be larger than life etc but that wasnt me, If you remember i said I had lost my girlfriend over this, well i decided to go and see her and talk to her openly, honestly and tell her everything and shes proud of me for coming clean.
were going to take it slowly and see how things go, but its nice to have someone in my life that believes in me as i said before ive never loved anyone so much in my life so im determined to get this sorted no matter what it takes.
I think a lot of me being able to talk to Hil was your responses, I know im going to have to face a lot of demons in the coming months but to me it will be worth it.
And as for you if ever you need me im just a mouse click away
hey rick, im sooooooo happy for you that you are getting things sorted with your girlfriend. maybe things will keep getting better for you from here on in. dont worry about the past, you had your reasons for lying to people and theres nothing you can do about whats past. i hope the future brings you all the happiness you deserve. love, luck and best wishes for you and your girlfriend, your friend trisha.
Well lets hope so, its going to be an uphill battle to regain the trust, and its hurting me a lot at the moment because i am finding it difficult to forgive myself for the way i have been. I still feel really down i think what im searching for ill never find and that is what is getting to me. Thats the next thing to try and get over.
Trish i will check in here and keep in touch.
Keep the faith your friend Rick
Last edited by moderator2; 08-28-2008 at 05:44 AM.
Reason: posted contact info
Hi Rick,
I know how you feel. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for about 10 years now. Well I admitted to it 10 years ago. How long I have really had it is longer than that. I am 49 years young and have a wonderful life. It was so hard for me to admit I could not control my feelings. Finally I went to my doctor and he ran many tests to see what was going on. All tests came back normal so I then admitted to my depression. Pills are not for everyone but they have helped me tremendously. I was so embarrassed to tell anyone that I was on meds. Some of us have chemical imbalances in the brain. It is no different than taking insulin for diabetes or Lipitor for high cholesterol. The bottom line is life is too short to go through it being depressed. You need to go talk to someone and see if meds are for you. If not they can steer you into another direction. Good luck Rick
I understand your fears of taking tablets. I have that also.
I resisted for a long time then tried antidepressants and they work well for me. But they don't for everyone and it's a very personal choice.
I also do CBT, talk therapy, exercise and everything else I can think of.
CBT is really great- I used it to try to rewire my faulty thinking. Well I still have some faulty thinking or negative thoughts but I catch them now and challenge them. It's a useful tool.
well what a dark and low weekend ive had my relationship was unsalavageable and its got me down even more, i did take the docstors appointment today and have decided to risk the tablets option in the event it straightens me out a little, Im also looking into CBT.
I think the thing that has made me worse is my now ex girlfriend I can safetly say ive never loved anyone so much in my entire life she is perfect for me and because of this depression and the lies i used to cover it ive blown the best thing that has ever happened to me and the thought that because i am the way i am has blown it all for me.
why cant i fight this like anything else, it always seems to win over me
Hi There, sorry I live so far away to be of any real help but I hear what you are saying loud and clear. I just lost my best friend and I have no real best friends only acquantances. I had a mother who had bi polar disorder and I feel like I might have it to?
Have you been to a doctor? I am thinking I might need to see one but I am worried cos I don't want to be on any bad drugs.
Lindylu38
well im still in hell the doc put me on prozac which im notsure is helping, got a new thing to try going to see an EFT therapist next week hopefully that can cure me, really hope so, walked out on my job today which was a bad move because of my confidence felt low. Not sure if thats the depression or the prozac kicking in or both
anyone got any ideas
Last edited by moderator2; 09-22-2008 at 06:02 AM.
Reason: please use language appropriate to this community
sorry to hear you are feeling really low. I am not on any medication myself BUT have just started to exercise more by walking and I just bought a Cross Trainer and I am starting to perk up a little. I think I just have to try and keep myself busy, all my best friends have moved away and I have to start all over again finding a really good friend to share my thoughts etc with. Let us know how you get on and I wish you all the very best. Do you think you could phone your boss and explain how you been feeling or are you too concerned about saving face?
Hi Lindy thanks for getting back to me, off to see my doctor this morning gotta solve this problem i cant be beaten by it,, but at the same time even though i have these positive thoughts the motivation just isnt there to get off my *** and do it.
Hoping for big things from the EFT treatment (lets see what happens)
You seem to be handling things well i like the idea of the cross trainer. As regards my employer i think i wuld rather save face than leave myself open to office gossp
Hi Ricky, maybe your job was some how making you feel worse anyway? Hope you find your dream job! Offices are bad for gossip but at the end of the day each and every one of us have our good and bad days. Were you there for long? Anyway I hope it all works out for you.
Lindy
