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Old 09-06-2008, 05:18 PM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yonkers,newyork, usa
Posts: 190
Italia 43 HB User
Feel Empty And A Mistake

hey hb.. i have other threads on hb. you can read my other threads to fully understand me.. I posted in the PCOS thread stating pcos, thyroid, bipolar all in 1. and the relationship thread stating Am i gay or in denial.. Okay i hope everyone reads those threads I hate reposting the same information.. I am a 24 female from ny.. my entire life has been a mess.. my mother left me at age 2 due to her crack issues and she never returned ever.. My father physically and mentally abused me.. i have been raped 3 times.. i have been used and abused 4 times too.. After all of this I still have a heart of gold I dont know why?? Sometimes i want to be coldhearted but i cant change my kindness even though i am a wreck besides that.. I am bipolar for many years now.. I have been on every medication in the book and just devloped numerous health issues from the bipolar medications, so i no longer take the pills anymore.. I really want to have kids and a career, but it never seems like it will happen.. I have a bf for the past 6yrs now and still never got pregnant.. i left him twice for two woman who robbed me and took my kindness for weakness.. the one ex gf of mine still calls me till this day.. it really screws up my head and emotions, since i am still with my bf.. at this moment in my life i dont have anybody.. i have no family and no friends.. i feel so empty inside and feel like i was a mistake in this life, because my mother who neglected me was married the entire time she dated my father.. Thats why i feel like i am a mistake in this world. My mother cheated on her husband with my father.. It is very upsetting.. I have never found like my real soulmate where we connect on every level.. i am really needy and lack emotional support.. plus i get attached to easily to people.. I am very depressed.. need advice..

 
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