| | This sucks
Ive always been depressed/negative thinking person. Im only 22 and i can remember being depressed about things for my whole life. My friends think of me as the funny, crazy person who loves to have a good time, but they dont realize how i feel on the inside. Just recently i told my best friend about how i have been feeling, and he was really suprised...didn't have a clue.
A couple weeks ago my girlfriend dumped me, and then told me she had been cheating on me with her ex boyfriend who she is still in love with. She was my second "real" girlfriend, and the second one to cheat on me and leave me for their ex. I cant believe people do this to people they supposedly love. It hurts so bad. I have never cheated and would never cheat. Im a decent looking guy (although i hate looking in the mirror), im polite, honest, loyal. Whats so wrong wrong with me that makes my girlfriends do this to me??? I know breakups happen to everyone, but "normal" people don't feel like i do. I get attached quick too which makes it so much worse. I can't stop thinking about her...but i wish i hated her. I got on match.com to try to find someone, but no luck yet.
I wish i could be happy. My depression is wearing on me. I cant really go out and drink because it only makes the feelings so much stronger. When i go out i like to drink because it makes me feel better about myself and not so self-conscious. I find flaws in myself all the time. If i was just happy with myself everything else would be better. I wish i could find someone who really loves me.
Felt good to get that off my chest