I suffer from depression, its a fact and I know it. However I dont have good health as I have been diagnosed with a Sysyemic Inflammatory disease, it looks like it could be Lupus. Last November I suffered a terrible relapse and ended up in hospital 3 times. I fought the illness physically and mentaly for years, however after that relapse I really felt VERY low. I went to the doctor, told him how I felt and asked If I could see a counsellor. He said he didn't think that would help and suggested I go on to Prozac. I took them for 4 weeks, only on the 4th week I became very angry, highly anxious and paranoid. I got up one morning and decided it was time to kill my partner and myself. As the day went on I got worse, I was losing the plot comletely. Something inside me still worked logically and I decided to call the Doctor. He suggested I get myself to him immediatly.
I drove the car down the road when I completley went bang. I drove the car off the road into a bridge, I tried to kill myself in order to stop the torment and phsycotic behaviour I was suffering.
My partner called me at that point and talked me through staying exactly where I was until she arrived. At this point I was petrified of her and couldnt trust myself not to attack her. She got to me and put me in her car, I couldnt bear to look at her, I was stuttering, totaly manic and pulling at my hair.
We got to the Doctor and my behaviour was getting worse. I started pouring water over my head and begged the doctor to kill me. I was immediatley admitted into a phsyciatric ward at the local hospital, where they gave me lorazipam to try calm me down. I was a total wreck.
I remained on that ward for a week, the next day they decided that I had suffered a severe reaction and was having a phsycotic attack due to the Prozac. They took me off it straight away. I certainly didn't feel better right away, I was now suffering from major panic attacks and paraniod periods.
This episode has left me totally scarred, I still suffer from panic attacks and feel even lower than when I first went to the Doctor.
The decision then was to put me on to Citalopram 20mg, I have now been on it for 2 months and whilst it has helped with the anxiety and helped a little, I find myself still struggling to be myself again. I am PETRIFIED of having another Phsycotic attack, I keep testing myself in situations to see if I feel ok and if I feel Im going to loose the plot.
I don't know if I should see my doctor to increase the amount of Citalopram, Im in a mess, and I just don't know what to do. I can't stop crying and Im angry with the whole episode I had to endure due to taking the Prozac, its changed me totally, from a fairly strong minded peron to a wreck with no confidence and deeply depressed.
Is it wise to increase the Citalopram, am I likely to have BAD side effects?..I just want ME back.
Any help or advice would be SO appreciated...Thanks..