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Old 09-12-2008, 02:26 PM   #1
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i think ive been depressed my whole life....

I can remember as a child even, not really being happy, i had a good life, my parents were both there and we lived a medium income life, but i can remember being the child that always cried. i was withdrawn, having few friends and was always terrified to go places without my parents. specifics are a bit choppy as depression seems to affect your memeory, or ability to remeber anyways. I lost my dad when i was 15. he had been suffering from bi-polar for a very long time even though he'd only been diagnosed for about 3 yrs. he lost the battle in 1994 meds werent very developed back then and he never really got into a good therapy. my dad took his own life. after that i went sorta crazy, being a teen, i did drugs and drank, skipped a lot of school only to drop out and get pregnant when i was 17. i finally sought help when i was 19. initially they stuck me in a mental hospital (against my will) and loaded me up on lithium, zeprexia, and remaron (not sure about the spellings) i spent 2 yrs in a fog that i dont really remeber. i decided on my own to stop taking the meds and seemed to be ok for a yr or so, only to relapse and go back on meds. i have been seeing doctors and taking meds regularly for the past 3 yrs, sometimes i feel "ok" but mostly i just cope, kinda accepting that im alwasy gonna be depressed and maybe this is just how life is for some ppl. i wish that werent so, but i have tried virtually every med out there. im on seroquel and lexapro atm , doesnt seem to really help, but it does cut down on the irritability and aggresion. im starting to look into herbal and holistic meds but there isnt a lot of certified information out there. well ill stop now just wanted to give some background on me.
Thankx
Tink

 
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Old 09-12-2008, 04:22 PM   #2
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Re: i think ive been depressed my whole life....

I decided to come visit your thread

So, you didn't always have your social anxiety? I guess that's always surprising. I can maybe understand having these sort of fears as a kid, and having them progress into your adult life. But it sounds like you were pretty outgoing for awhile there, right?

What caused you to stop being that way, and to develop such a social anxiety?

Also, how long have you been this way, with your social fears?

There is a way out, even though it seems like me and you can't seem to find our way out just yet I think one of the biggest things we have to do is to want to help ourselves, and really get to that point where we just can't accept living with this type of anxiety, so in turn that forces us to look harder for ways to overcome this awful condition.

That's what prompted me to see a psychologist, and I definitely think it helped me out, in terms of my social anxiety. For awhile there, I was getting to the point where I could go out in a social situation, with only a little nervousness at the start, but not so bad that it would force me to completely remove myself from the situation. Then the nervousness would fade, and I would be like a "normal person."

I know it seems like when you are stuck in all of this, that there is no way out, but there is a way, somewhere, and we can see that by the others that have been where we are, and have grown out of it. It's just up to us to find the way that is best for us, to help us cope with the problem and eventually get over it (or learn how to deal with it so it doesn't cause us to become completely avoidant).

 
Old 09-12-2008, 05:32 PM   #3
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Re: i think ive been depressed my whole life....

yea, i wasnt always so bad with the social anxiety, i was always a bit shy and withdrawn, i was never really outgoing, i had my group of friends, so i hung out with the same few ppl. all the time. to be honest i coped as a teen and young adult mostly by smoking pot, thankfully i got out of that. but during that time i was able to hold down a full time and quite stressful job (tech support customer service for a cell phone company) maybe it could be used to treat anxiety and depression but since its still illegal i stay away. but ur right u do have to want to get better first before it will ever happen, i have good days and i have bad days. but i have other issues that keep me close to home that have nothing to do with depression and anxiety, least i dont think, i have some urinary incontinence so that just adds to it all and doesnt make me feel anybetter about myslef since im way to young, im only 29, i took some damage when i had my 1st daughter. but you prolly dont wanna hear about that. lol...thanks for writing back to me!
Latta!
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Old 09-12-2008, 06:17 PM   #4
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Re: i think ive been depressed my whole life....

Well, that's one thing to look to, that you weren't always like this. You may be this way now, but you can change back one day, too. You are young (I'm 28 myself), and we can't waste our lives dealing with all of this anxiety.

Have you tried just opening yourself up more to situations that make you nervous, even little by little? Like going to Wal-Mart a little later on, when more people are around? Little steps like that can help as well. That's one thing that I learned from my psychologist, and that's once you become avoidant, you usually do things to become even more avoidant. It's important to break that habit, and try to re-introduce yourself to the world, even if it's not at the same level you were used to before you became more withdrawn.

Did your psychiatrist help you at all, in terms of talking through things, or did he basically just give you medicine? I guess it sounds a little hypocritical since I almost want to be medicated now, but I also realize the importance of talking things out and doing more of a traditional treatment to get through things. I think that is probably even the better way to approach social anxiety, since inevitably you need to overcome it yourself.

As for the urinary stuff, it wouldn't surprise me, again, anxiety does a number on the mind. My psychologist would probably tell you that it also is an anxiety symptom that is manifesting itself, as a way to keep you avoiding the situations that might upset you. Just like the more "typical" stuff, like when I went into a social situation, and my heart would race, and I would feel sick, etc. It's not that anything was wrong with my heart, and it's not that I was sick, it's just something that occurred to deter me from going into situations that I had grown afraid of.

Can you start doing even little things to get back into your life? I'm not one that believes you should go out and be Paris Hilton or somebody, but even little steps build up, and can end up leading to big results. Anything that makes you less avoidant (instead of more avoidant) is a good thing, even if it doesn't completely set you back on the course you were previously on, where you were more outgoing than you are today.

Good luck with everything!

 
Old 09-12-2008, 06:36 PM   #5
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Re: i think ive been depressed my whole life....

yea i am definatly gonna try to get out more ...the biggest thing that was holding me back before was money, now that i have a little breathing room with social security i will have the freedom to do more things. i actualy intend to go shopping tomorrow, early x-mas shopping. my fiance is very understanding and is my biggest suporter, so he is there to back me up and reassure me, but he also recognizes when i have become overwhelmed and is fairly good about getting away from stress situations. i have had numerous psychiatrists and to me they are a nesicary evil, they dont help at all with therapy they all just seem to want to prscribe u medication and set back and watch. i suppose i wasnt supose to ask if i could add u to my buddy list as it seems that a mod edited that out on my post, tried to pm u but i get a message that my administrator has disabled private messages, not sure if thats the way it is or if its just me. this is actually my first day on here so we'll see if this is actually a god place for me. i really want to be able to "chat" with persons that can relate to what we are going thru

Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 09-13-2008 at 07:57 AM.

 
Old 09-13-2008, 06:11 AM   #6
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Re: i think ive been depressed my whole life....

And it's good that you have supportive people around you, that should make your journey even easier. You may want to try a psychologist, since they cannot prescribe medicine, they are more apt to try different techniques of therapy to make you better. That's one reason I selected a psychologist, because I didn't want to just have someone coldly prescribe me some medicine, and never really work at fixing the real problems that cause me to be this way.

Do you feel better about going out when you have your family members around you? Or do you get panicked even then?

And oh yeah, I was wondering, what caused you to come to this message board to begin with? Were you doing particularly bad, or were you just really looking to get help, and found your way here?

I hope the Christmas shopping goes well, lemme know how you do! Good luck!

Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 09-13-2008 at 07:56 AM. Reason: off board contact of any kind is a violation of board policy

 
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