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Old 09-19-2008, 10:37 AM   #1
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Nixi HB User
Any ideas?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas how you can improve self esteem? I really hate myself and the anti-depressants I'm on have made me put so much weight on which has made me worse. I've got fibro and M.E and have become depressed as a result of being insuch much pain and fatigued! So I can't even exercise to loose the weight!I have been seeing a psychotherapist once a week since March. The problem is it looks like me and my partner are going to slit up, after over 16yrs and 2 children. He says we can't move on until I get over hating myself. He thinks my depression has got worse,( I can't let him near me so there is no intimacy) but it hasn't -it's got better- he just doesn't know what hell I've been going through in my head. This time last year I tried to commit suicide and it took me 6 months of obsessive thoughts to stop myself trying again. But I haven't got that urge now. I really have been trying to get better, but he doesn't think I have at all. I'm on Mirtazepine 45mg. Am I supposed to feel happy on these? Do anti-depressants stop you from feeling~? Or is that the depression? Should I change my tablets? I don't even know if I really do love him enough or not. I can't trust my emotions or thoughts any more. I just don't knw what to do! I'm sorry to ramble! Can anyone suggest any quick things I can do to make myself like myself more?...Please?

 
Old 09-19-2008, 10:45 AM   #2
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Re: Any ideas?

Hi.. first thing.. Hugs to you!! My first concern would be that you need to speak to your doctor about your meds, one of the anti-depressants side effects is detachement from the rest of the world, like a cut off of emotions. Some meds are better than others, personally, my husband and I have found that Wellbutrin was the best to keep us «normal» and more connected to the world. We can feel feelings and emotion.

As for your relationship, it must be such a strain on our loved ones, thats for sure. You mentionned being in counselling, do you have couples therapy also? That may be something you want to look into, it might help your husband see your side of the story; make him more compassionate towards your feelings. I would talk to him and tell him that you feel as though you are making progress. I think your self esteem could be boosted with some fun in your life! As hard is sounds, a simple going out for a movie or even renting one with your hubby might bring you some joy! I know that reconnecting to the people you love, does in turn make you feel better about yourself.
As for the weight gain, its possible that the meds you are on, have that as a side effect, again I would speak to you doctor on that and see if s/he could switch meds to see if it makes a difference.

I hope you feel better soon! You are a strong woman, mother and wife! You will pull through this!
Xox
Angèle

 
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Old 09-19-2008, 02:20 PM   #3
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Re: Any ideas?

Hi Angele, Thanks for your reply. My partner won't come to counselling with me. I keep trying, but he won't. He doesn't see the point in talking to someone coz he's 'intelligent' (like I'm not??) and can work things out himself. But he can't. He's ridiculously stressed and takes it out on anyone in the way! He said today that I haven't achieved the best I can over the years and he's contributed four times as much as I have!!!!! All I can say is I've worked as hard as I can over the years, desperately to be a positive person, good mother, I had 4 jobs at one point as well as studying! I feel like I've bled through my pours and it still isn't good enough! (which may explain my M.E??).

I think you're right about the meds. I'm going to make an appointment at my docs on Mon and see what she says. I have been on a number of different ones though- mainly for my fibro, before I got depressed. Do you think anti-depressants can make you depressed if you're not already? I might ask my doc about the one you mentioned. Thank you SO much for your reply, I just feel so desperate. AM glad your meds are working for you and your hubby. Hugs to you too x

 
Old 09-21-2008, 01:47 PM   #4
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Re: Any ideas?

Hi hun, In reply to your husbands comments.. I would be very adamant about telling him that counselling doesnt mean that there are issues with him, but that he is going in order to support you! If he says he is working so hard on the relationship as he claims he would be willing to take this one extra step with you in order to support you and hold your hand through the process so to speak! If that doesnt work, I would bring him with you to your doc appt and have the doctor explain the importance of support in these times and that him being there would help you immensly!

I do believe that being on the wrong medicine or even the wrong dose can greatly affect you in a negative way! You brain chemistry works in a certain way and then if you introduce the wrong meds it will affect every emotion you have!! Thats why it is so important to make sure your doctor understands , your concerns and the reason you want medicine in the first place! I find doctors are easy to say someone has depression since its the easiest «cure» for them so to speak! If you dont feel as though this is the issue, speak up! You have to advocate for yourself, no one else will and no one else knows how you are feeling and what you are going through!!!

Good luck.. and feel free to msg me anytime!! You need to be supported in times like these!!! You will get through this! Xo
Angèle

 
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