Re: Afraid my depression is coming back
I think the threat of a severe depression re-occurring does tend to hang over you, once you have experienced it. It gets to the point when you are constantly analysing your feelings, and panicking if you experience a negative emotion (that's what I do, anyway). The thing is, it's impossible to remove all unpleasant feelings and events from our lives, and it seems to be how we deal with them that matters. I've found that actually I'm not as vulnerable to plunging back into a depression as I thought, although it's sensible to look after yourself and to develop healthy patterns of behaviour.
Using alcohol as a quick-fix solution is extremely tempting; I know because I have been down that road and it made all my problems worse. Although it blocks out the horrible thoughts (temporarily), you lose control of yourself and this affects your sense of self-esteem. Not to mention the fact that it damages you physically and mentally, and causes depression in itself when abused.
I'm still finding different ways to cope (in a healthy way) with the bad times and the terrible mood swings. When all else fails I allow myself to cry, yell and/or I punch pillows as hard as I can (in private, obviously). Makes me feel like a prize idiot, but it provides an outlet for the build-up and helps me keep on top of things.
If I'm really honest, the fear of becoming severely depressed again will probably always hang over me. Nevertheless, now I use the threat of this as a driving force towards doing all the things that I seem to need to do to keep myself on an even keel. Funny thing is that I've always been an instant gratification-type of person, and I do resent having to give up things that I love and replace them with things that I don't, but just being in a position to control the situation has made me feel a hundred times better about myself.
Hope this helps.