Im a 26 year old male who has struggled with depression/anxiety all my life. I was sexually abused by my uncle when i was a young boy. Just wanted to give a little background on myself. I havnt posted on this forumn in years. But do visit it sometimes.
I started a new job about 3 months ago and thought i was on my way to feeling better. Sure its not the best job but after being out of work for over a year i was thrilled to be working again. I even made a couple friends which is extremely rare for me. Iv only had one close friend my whole life and have never had a girlfriend. Im extremely shy.
Lately i have felt my mood slowing begin to slip though. Im trying to stay positive and remind myself how far i have come but for some reason im just not happy with myself. I have started having more anxiety and the only thing that seems to help is alcohol. Iv been finding myself drinking more and more to ease my anxiety but i know im going about it the wrong way and i dont know what to do.
I really want to get back into college because i think it will help me feel better about myself but i cant seem to save any money. My family also doesnt have much money so i cant ask them to help.
I dont know what to do or where to turn. All i know is i never want to go back to the way i felt before and i feel that is where i am heading. Iv been taking effexor for my depression for a while maybe i need to switch?
If anyone has any advice id greatly appreciate it.
please stay positive and you know that alchol wont help you but make things worse in the long run. Head off to you doctor and chat. Many of us who have suffered depression slip up every now and then and go back into it. If you ask for help now may be you can minimise the impact. You're not alone, many of us have been there.
Im having a hard time staying positive. The negative thoughts are just eating me up. Im falling back to bad habits but its all i know to stop the thoughts. Im so scared that one time im gonna fall and im not going to be able to pick myself up.
You mentioned that you've made a few friends at work. Is there any way to get out with them socially in a setting that doesn't involve alcohol? Do you have supportive family members who are nearby? Sometimes getting out to socialize can be a great diversion to staving off a bad mood.
Was there a trigger than set off your negative thoughts?
I think the threat of a severe depression re-occurring does tend to hang over you, once you have experienced it. It gets to the point when you are constantly analysing your feelings, and panicking if you experience a negative emotion (that's what I do, anyway). The thing is, it's impossible to remove all unpleasant feelings and events from our lives, and it seems to be how we deal with them that matters. I've found that actually I'm not as vulnerable to plunging back into a depression as I thought, although it's sensible to look after yourself and to develop healthy patterns of behaviour.
Using alcohol as a quick-fix solution is extremely tempting; I know because I have been down that road and it made all my problems worse. Although it blocks out the horrible thoughts (temporarily), you lose control of yourself and this affects your sense of self-esteem. Not to mention the fact that it damages you physically and mentally, and causes depression in itself when abused.
I'm still finding different ways to cope (in a healthy way) with the bad times and the terrible mood swings. When all else fails I allow myself to cry, yell and/or I punch pillows as hard as I can (in private, obviously). Makes me feel like a prize idiot, but it provides an outlet for the build-up and helps me keep on top of things.
If I'm really honest, the fear of becoming severely depressed again will probably always hang over me. Nevertheless, now I use the threat of this as a driving force towards doing all the things that I seem to need to do to keep myself on an even keel. Funny thing is that I've always been an instant gratification-type of person, and I do resent having to give up things that I love and replace them with things that I don't, but just being in a position to control the situation has made me feel a hundred times better about myself.