| Re: depressed or not?
I can honestly say that I have been EXACTLY where you are right now and I know how much it hurts. I was an honor student in high school and started going to college at night as a junior in high school. I had a 3.9 GPA before moving out on my own and going to a University. I started drinking heavily and making stupid decisions, especially when it came to the guys I dated. I use the term "dated" loosly. I once drank so much that I passed out on the street in front of the fraternity house where I was a little sis. Thank God that I had an amazing big brother to carry me inside and make sure nothing happened to me.
My depression started around that time and, 12 years later, I'm still dealing with it. Although, I can say that it gets easier, because you learn what things trigger the depression and coping mechanisms that can keep it from affecting you so much.
I am obviously not a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't think you have a depression disorder. At least, not yet. I think that you are disappointed in the choices you have made over the past year and you are situationally depressed. That doesn't make it any less real and it can hurt just as much.
My suggestion to you would be to contact the Psychology department at your school and ask if they offer free counseling through the department. You'll see a doctoral candidate and they will tape the session, but it's not because of you, it's to grade the counselor (you can request to not be recorded). I think you just need someone to talk to that can help you work out your issues with becoming someone you don't like right now.
Another thing, and this is something I'm guilty of to this day, is try to cut back on the drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. You feel great that night, but then have regrets or just feel sad the next day. Hope this helps...
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