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Depression Message Board

Lack of Support From Family

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Old 09-27-2008, 07:43 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Clinton Township, MI, USA
Posts: 5
MsQuote HB User
Exclamation Lack of Support From Family

Do any of you have family who "don't believe" in depression? I mean the whole family -- parents and siblings. I've tried 17 different ways and sideways to try to explain to them how I feel and all I get is "Snap out of it" or "You're never going to get on with your life with an attitude like that" or "Things could be worse." I've been through two partial hospitalizations and two suicide attempts in the past four years, and any time I've tried to talk about those experiences, all I get is "I am/People are really uncomfortable talking about those kinds of things."

I feel like a wreck. My work's been cut to 25 hours a week because of my performance. I'm usually asleep before 9 p.m. but up for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night. Cleaning house is almost impossible. Sometimes I can spend all day on the couch or in bed on weekends.

I'm at my wit's end. I can't call to reestablish appointments with my therapist until Monday. I don't have any other close friends or people in my life I confide in.

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Old 09-27-2008, 07:53 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 261
RiAnne HB User
Re: Lack of Support From Family

You can't change your family or friends. A lot of people just can't put themselves in another person's shoes. To many people who wouldn't even think about killing themselves, it just simply ridiculous that anyone else would. What can your family really do? Do you think you wouldn't be depressed or do you think you'd feel any better if you had their support?

Old 09-28-2008, 12:46 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Clinton Township, MI, USA
Posts: 5
MsQuote HB User
Re: Lack of Support From Family

I guess I'm hoping for some idealization of family, acceptance and support that really isn't there, and it's been advised by more than one therapist that I keep some distance from them. When I'm feeling OK, I can and do keep my distance, but when I'm feeling bad, the non-acceptance of me as a person (and my kids) and non-support regarding my depression really hurts.

I'm not married and not involved in a relationship, so I don't have support in that way. I have a few friends who know of my depression but I haven't seen them in about a year. The people I am in contact with don't know about my depression and I don't plan on telling them. I feel it would be inapproprate to confide in my kids (17 and 20), and they're already dealing with family dynamics that trouble them (dad has checked out emotionally and financially on them and they do not get along with their step-mother).

Old 09-28-2008, 06:19 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: kirkcaldy,fife,scotland
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lynne77 HB User
Re: Lack of Support From Family

hi, my name is lynne i am from scotland in uk, we are maybe thousands of miles apart but your story sounds exactly like mine, i have been depressed since january this year and have a seven year old daughter and i am not in a relationship and have had two attemps of suicide, i have been going to a phycologist but been hiding it as the girls at work previously said i was a phyco for going to one but we know thats not the case and if you can find someone to confide in it helps if you cant lets talk to each other as i know what you are going through and we will stay strong for our kids, do you know it sometimes helps me by saying how i feel out loud even if noone is there, anyway take care i am thinking of you , love from lynne xx

Old 09-28-2008, 01:00 PM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Clinton Township, MI, USA
Posts: 5
MsQuote HB User
Re: Lack of Support From Family


Of course you know you're not "psycho," which is just as bad as people who accuse depressed people as "feeling sorry for themselves" or demanding that they "snap out" of their mood or behavior.

It sounds as if you find some strength in "being there" for your daughter, which has always pulled me through tough times with my kids, as well. As odd as it sounds, it's with my kids (17 and 20) that I feel normal since I'm engaged in healthy activities and dialog with them. But with the oldest away at college and the youngest with his dad half the time and a lot of his time out with friends, school and school activities, it isn't often that I'm with them. But, on another hand, I don't discuss too much of what I'm going through with them. They know I've been in and out of treatment and on and off meds most of their lives, but I don't want to put them in a position of being caregivers for me.

I know I can't change my parents or siblings or make them understand depression or what I'm going through. It's an issue that's been discussed in therapy before. It's just frustrating to me, even when I've supplied them with reading materials they don't read or glance at it quickly and say "that just sounds like a bad mood and everyone has a bad mood." I also know that my kids and I hold true to value systems that are very different from my parents and siblings (our value system is based on personal integirty and altruistic accomplishments and they believe happiness comes from money and acquistion of material things).

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