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Old 10-04-2008, 06:53 PM   #1
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Please read, epecially mother of teenage or grown children

I have had a really rough week. Last Friday my baby got up and went off to school like any other day and then about 10 minutes later I had this banking on the door, jumped up half asleep and rushed to the door b/c I thought something happened to her.

At the door was a security officer, my ex husband and my daughter. He had an emergency temp. custody order to take my baby.

Up until about two weeks ago my daughter was doing so well, I got her involved in several activities, at church she was involved with helping one of my co-workers who was her Sunday school teacher. She had a variety of friends that she was able to do activities with, she voilunteered at a pet shelter on some weekends. In the nine months that she has been back from her dads her attitude was 90% better. I was very proud of her b/c for several months It was very tough. She even went as far as to go to school and say she was being abused, they called child protective services and the whole nine yards. She didn't realize it was going to be that BIG of a deal and finally told them that she just thought she would get to move back and live with her dad.

She wanted to go back and stay with her drug addicted father, who has nothing! He just goes from job to job to support his habit, doesn't have a drivers licence, and has no car b/c his mother buys him cars and he sells them for drugs. It is sad but true that he lives this way. I really feel sorry for him but even drug addicts should want better for their children, I mean he shold want her to be in a safe enviroment.
He lives with his mother and she finances his wishes. She is selfish and treats my daughter as his pet. She is really the most EVIL and SELFISH person I have ever met in my life. I feel HATE for her and sorry for my ex-husband. My ex-husband has an excuse for making bad judgement, she does not! My ex loves my daughter dearly, she only screams and curses at my daughter, belittles and talks down to her. She only tolorates her b/c she wants to make her son happy.

Anyway, about two weeks ago I started getting calls from my daughters teachers that she was no longer doing her work and they were concerned with what was going on with her. I was working with them and we had worked out a schedule for her to go to tutoring and I even got her a private tutor to help with her math. Needless to say though b/c this entire two week period she has been plotting with her father for him to come over here and pick her up.

Now I have a summons to drive 600 miles to attend a court. He is actually sueing me for child support, for money to pay his attorney which is about 3000 plus a list of questions that wants to know everything except the color of my underwear. I feel the most betrayed as I think a person could feel by their child. She is 13 and making a horrible mistake in judgement. I could fight them and win with a lot of humiliation and knowing it will be just a few weeks or months before she is pulling something else. She has become a danger to me. I have ran out of ideas of how to deal with her. I know that she just wants to be where she has no rules, no expectations and can do as she pleases. I am afraid for her and I may be wrong for thinking this but I honestly don't really want her back in my house. I wish there was a way I could have her placed in a home for girls that are not to far gone but are heading down the wrong paths. Maybe give her the time to develope a conscience and some guidence in right and wrong.

Have any of you had experiences simular to this? What did you, and how did it work out in the end? I know I am not the only person who has problems with their children, I need to hear from mothers of grown or older children to know what worked and didn't work.

Thank you for you time reading this long post.

 
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Old 10-04-2008, 11:27 PM   #2
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Re: Please read, epecially mother of teenage or grown children

I have been thinking alot about what to do and I guess I will just have to take it as it comes. I really hope my daughter took enough wisdom away from me to be able to make the choices and my prayer is that if I'm not there to talk to here about right and wrong that something will kick in inside her telling her the right things to do....I hope I am not being un-realistic in having these hopes. My greatest hope for her is that she doesn't damage her future and she remembers the inportance of education...I have tried to instill in her. Also, that she will seek me out someday and really want a relationship with me. She told me that she didn't want a close relationship with me last week and it hurt me very bad, I hope she did not mean that. I LOVE HER SO MUCH IT HURTS! Tough love sucks....

 
Old 10-07-2008, 01:51 AM   #3
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Re: Please read, epecially mother of teenage or grown children

Teenagers can absolutely break your heart. Sometimes all you can do is tell them " I love you even though you might not love me right now."

One of my kids hated us so much, he barely talked for years. (We found some of his pot one day, and tossed it in with a bag of dog poo before putting it in the garbage. That's when things got really bad) At 16, he used to jump out his bedroom window late at night - from the second floor! He sometimes looked at me with so much disdain, it really broke my heart.

It was rough for years. He seemed to really turn around after a DUI arrest. We helped him through it, and it finally seemed to sink in that we weren't the terrible jailers he thought we were. He's 24 and we have a much better relationship now. We actually talk!

I can't offer any specific advice, other than to do what you can to maintain some lines of communication through this terrible time. I know it goes against "tough love" but I believe that kids really need to know that your door will always be open to them. Especially at this extremely vulnerable age.

It might really help to find a counselor who is familiar with these kinds of challenges. You need someone to talk to, and maybe if she comes back, you can get counseling with her too. You might also find some good support from an al-anon group (because your ex's drug use is still affecting your life).

 
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