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Old 10-13-2008, 05:04 PM   #1
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ssauer63 HB User
Unhappy Loss of purpose

Last year my father was in my care and was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.. I did the very best I could do for him, we even gave up our home and I'd do it again.. now the kids are on thier own, Dad's gone, I've gained 60 lbs and have trouble finding a reason to get up in the morning. My husband drives truck over the road so I spend most of my time alone with my dogs.. I just can't seem to find any energy or drive.. not sure what to do.. It's been a year and things are just getting dimmer.. I have lost my drive and nothing lights a fire any more so to speak... no insurance until December so I have to be careful for "pre-existing" I just don't know what to do.. willing to try anything.. I never thought I'd be 45 and think life sucks.. any advice..

 
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Old 10-13-2008, 05:34 PM   #2
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sarah408 HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

Hiya!

Sounds like you could be depressed- have you spoken to your doctor?
You've been through alot and I am sorry for the loss of your father- that's hard.

I suffer from depression and I know I am depressed when I lose interest in things, gain (or less typically, lose) alot of weight and start to isolate myself from the world.
I spoke to my doctor and since then things have been so much better.
For me it entailed antidepressants which I did not want to take but it's been very helpful. I am not saying they are for everyone though. But there's help out there- in the form of therapy, CBT, drugs, etc. But talking to your doctor is a good start- well at least it was for me.

I can relate to your post that's why i answered and I send you my very best.
Let us know how you are doing.

Cheers, Sarah

 
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Old 10-14-2008, 02:31 AM   #3
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lucylucy HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

Yep, it sounds so familiar. If you're really willing to do anything, there are two things you can do now: Exercise and counseling. They don't have to go on your medical records or count as a preexisting condition.

My husband travels a lot too. There have been times when I've gone a week without even washing my hair because I had no interest in leaving the house. (This doesn't all go away when you're on antidepressants btw.) Last week when he was gone, I made a commitment to go to the gym every day, just to keep my energy up and to force myself to get out of the house. I have lists all over the house with reasons to workout to remind myself. I have a couple especially important reasons to exercise, on top of the 50 health benefits.

Exercise and counseling are proven to be as effective as antidepressants (except for the worst cases of major depression). You can exercise for free (though a gym membership is well worth it, and might even be cheaper than antidepressants) and it will never get on your medical records. And you can get inexpensive counseling in most communities (based on your income).

I know that when you're feeing this way, you definitely do NOT feel like exercising. But it really does help a great deal. Maybe not everyday, but most days. When you do it regularly, EVERYTHING starts to get easier. Ease into it at the beginning. Start with 10-20 minutes of low impact aerobic exercise like walking and bicycling. If you lift weights, start light. (Some 25 year old instructors are clueless about the 45 year old body, so listen to your own body first.) Build up over time. It'll make you feel good about yourself when you see how much stronger you're becoming.

That pre-existing issues thing is brutal. Don't even mention depression to your doctor until next year. You don't want anything on your medical records about it. Make your first appointment for a general physical. If the first diagnosis code in your records is depression, it might trigger a records review to see if there were pre-existing conditions.

If your husband's company has an EAP (Employee Assistance Plan), that's the best place to start for counseling. They're very good about confidentiality.

When you call a counseling center for information, ask to speak to a manager, and explain that you're very concerned about confidentiality. Ask what you can do to make sure it never gets on your medical records and that no information is ever sent to your home. You might not have to give your full name and address. Whatever you do, don't give them your Social Security number. Privacy laws are stronger now, but mistakes can be made, especially when everything is in a computer database.

 
Old 10-14-2008, 06:14 PM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 18
sadsally HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

Hi,
I'm sorry for your lost. Taking care of a parent with such an illness could be contributing if not the cause of your depression. Have you really grieved? I took care of my grandmother for almost 8 years. She had dementia. I miss taking care of her. Did not cry about my lost until 3 years after she died. And then did not cry enough. I don't have time to cry. I have to help other family members with their problems. And yes I am depressed. Then there is the menopause factor. So go to the doctor and get some help. Just because I didn't get what I wanted medically does no mean you won't. You should at least try.
Hope things brighten up for you.

 
Old 10-15-2008, 08:44 PM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 735
Seymour93 HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

Join a club, take a class, try a new hobby. Getting out is a positive....Perhaps your community has grief gatherings.

 
Old 10-16-2008, 12:43 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
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MariaBB HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

I've been there and it was horrible! What kind of things do you like to do?

 
Old 10-16-2008, 02:27 PM   #7
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Rochester, NY USA
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skbrmom HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

It sure sounds like depression. The tips on getting some exercise, any exercise, are great. Get those endorphins flowing. Maybe just get outside before the snow flys and take a short walk or tidy up the gardens. Have you considered doing some volunteer work? That's what helped me. It gave me a reason to get out of the house at least once a week. I help out at a local food cupboard in my community. It takes my mind off of me and helps others too! When you are ready, I do think you would benefit by talking to a doctor. Many areas have free or low cost mental health programs too. I hope things start looking up for you!

 
Old 10-17-2008, 12:51 PM   #8
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Location: Lowell, Arkansas, United States
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ssauer63 HB User
Re: Loss of purpose

Well, I know it may just be putting a bandaid on but I sent out 14 resumes last week and starting to get calls for interviews. I have always worked at least 55-60 hrs a week managing restaurants so I'm sure part of what I feel is kinda' what now type of thing.. I have a second interview Monday am and an initial interview Monday afternoon so maybe things will look up a bit if I can get back to work.. thanks to everyone that took the time to answer me.. believe it or not when you are pretty isolated... responses, even from people you don't know are really helpful..

 
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