Long term past abuse and abandonment as a root of depression? - Depression Message Board

Hekate · 11-12-2008, 01:56 PM

Hi, I am a 48 years old woman. I have a history of childhood abuse and severe abandonment. Been depressed most of my life in a way or another but never on medication as i try to resist this as much as i can. I had a friend who committed suicide a few yers back due to dependency on her prescribed drugs and i feel this never heals the root of the problem.I have always put a brave face and kept myself going despite deep feelings of sadness, anger and isolation. Lately and triggered by a difficult situation at work and at home i feel my health has been severely agravated. My back hurts (found out i have two slip discs) and i feel down the dumps several times a day. I have now moved to a new job (part time) and i am in a very uncertain situation in my life. I feel that being so down doesn't help and feel alot of this keeps bringing up memories of abandonment wich agravate the depth of my sadness. i also feel guilty for the heaviness my depression maybe bringing to my relationship.We have moved together recently (well, i have moved to his place which is also my dream place, a small cottage in the country) but have no energy as i used to have even to put a brave face and resolve whichever conflicts arise. I feel terribly guilty as this relationship is what i always wanted but now he is full of doubts. This in turn triggers my old bandonment issues and were back on a cycle. Sorry for going on and on just need to vent and feel someone there is hearing me. Dont know what my questions are. Just getting a respite and some peace. Feel so burnt out! Kind regards and thanks for being there.

AnnD · 11-12-2008, 02:30 PM

You might now consider an antidepressant as there are a few of them that are now approved and being used to help in pain control of like your back pain. I think you would certainly benefit from some now. Good luck.

Seraph · 11-12-2008, 06:44 PM

I think you (and your body) have reached a point where you can no longer cope on your own with your issues. Can you get a therapist or counsellor? I agree with Ann that a modern antidepressant for the short term would be heplful. This does not replace dealing with your stuff in therapy, but it will help you to face the daily struggle, which is your main problem at the moment. Get the 'now' on an even keel, and that will give you the strength to take care of the past. Keep a journal and write down all your thoughts and happenings. A therapist will probably tell you to do this. Write letters to the people who abused you (not for sending, necessarily), telling them how you felt, and how it has affected your life. Go into detail, get it all down. All these things will help you to get started. I wish you well, Sera.