Imstillhere

Not trying make anyone feel sorry for me or anything.Just wanting to vent and see what different responses I might get.

I feel like everything is falling apart at once. It usually happens this way too. Thing dont go to bad for me too often they stay at a level of just OK-ness. When stuff does go wrong usually its more than one thing. An over whelming amount of stress and destruction.

I know things could be worse. I know some people have it harder and theres all this hope and blah blah. I know!


For the past 6 months I havent really talked to my Ex wife which it still my wife really on a personal level. Just took day by day and after a while it just became OK not to talk to her.It still hurt a little bit.Nothing a good time couldnt fix or make me forget.Then we have our divorce court date finally and then it happened. She broke down and started calling me.Wanting to talk all the time and wanting to come home. Feelings started sparking again. Just natural really.

Then she almost breaks up with her current boyfriend. ALMOST! I dont her from her for 3-4 days. Im confused...I here from her and shes back together with him and gives me a complete cold shoulder. Going from attacking me with hugs and kisses to nothingness.

So I go through a week of hangin my head down feeling so much weight. I swear mental weight can feel so pysical at times. Then a phone call, shes crying and wanting to come home again. I dont really say much out of shock. I go home and she just shows up. We talk for a lttle bit. She told me she did it. She broke up with him this time. He moved out and she cant do it anymore. She tells all her freinds and family members about it.

She leaves and once again I dodnt here from her. I call her and she says she just needs some time to think. Not to go from one extreme to another. I understood that. So I give her a week. I find out she spent thanksgiving with him and I guess shes back together.

I know I put myself in this situation, but shes so convincing when shes talks about what I want most. My family back.

On top of all this. I have to move of my apartment to move in with my mom to pay off lawyers and other bills ive been neglecting. Its almost christmas! **** me Im lonely.


I catch a good feeling every so often. Like a positive energy. I try my hardest to hold on to it. Ive been way down before and I dont want to go back there. Its hard climbing out of that hole. I just want a drug to make this all to go away.