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Old 06-02-2009, 05:36 PM   #1
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bobs11 HB User
Depression & Anxiety (I hate my job?)

Hi All,
I have been fighting anxiety & panic attacks for more than ten years but never really had any issues getting up and going to work until last year.
B/ween 1997-2002 i worked for a company that i really enjoyed working for,
however due to recession they downsized and i was abruptly sacked.
I remember feeling shattered and vowed i would never step foot back their again. I found another job a month or so later in the same industry and felt relieved, although it took me awhile to get back into the swing of things.
Eventually i started to enjoy my new role and things started to look up.
Then in May of '06 i received a call from my previous employer ,which floored me, and met with them.
They made an offer to good to refuse so hesitantly i accepted. I recall having mixed feelings about going back as i really enjoyed my role but family comes first(married with 2 kids).
That's when things started to go downhill, from the moment i stepped foot back their i started to feel anxious and depressed. Unfortunately i had a breakdown in feb. last year and was diagnosed with depression. The last year or so has been very difficult, i don't want to go to work anymore. My wife is trying hard but her resolve is really being tested.
I have lost interest with everything i used to love and feel that my thoughts are all about not wanting to go to work.
I'm still working for this company and am on medication but i don't know whether it's the depression /anxiety that makes me not want to go to work or
whether i genuinely hate my job?
I'm very confused and lack the confidence to go out and find a new job. The job is very idle and not very stressful.There is a lot of down time which frustrates me as well and that makes me think more & more.
I have been seeing a psychologist who has conluded that the anxiety and depression is the cause and i'm trying to change my thought process and think more rationally. We have been trying this for the last year with CBT but i still wake up every working morning feeling depressed and anxious about going to work.
Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for the length of my post.

 
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Old 06-07-2009, 04:42 PM   #2
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Location: Colorado, USA
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Arggg HB UserArggg HB UserArggg HB User
Re: Depression & Anxiety (I hate my job?)

Bobs, you don't say what you're doing in your new job? What kind of work are you doing? What kind of people are you working with?

I would have done exactly the same as you did - gone back to an old company for more money, especially with a family to support.

But these are people who treated you badly before and sacked you. I worked for a company like that. It was devastating after they forced me to quit (they didn't fire me - then they would have to pay me unemployment). After 12 years, they didn't care about me. They did that to a lot of long-term employees. Then I got sick and almost died. Then I got a horrible job working for a truly evil person, for low pay. Also, the illness caused memory loss and I couldn't remember anything. Stress made it worse. So I had to quit, with no other job to go to.

You're working for people who don't really give a @#$ about you as a person, just as a worker. Of course you're nervous and anxious. You have to go to that same place every single day and think about that.

The ideal thing would be to get a new job, but that's not always an option. If you don't have that option, you'll just have to keep being aggressive about treating the depression, anxiety, and fear.

I took a job after I got axed that I found extremely stressful, but the pay was good. I daydreamed about quitting almost every day. I realized that it was mostly depression and stress, partly me and partly them. This is a difficult job, but at least they don't fire people for any old reason. They have no intention of firing me, they value my work, and that's the reason I stay. That and I need the money!! These people are stressing out too, because of the economy here.

Unemployment is the worst thing of all. Just remember that. There are homeless people who envy you and your dreary job and your wife and kids and your warm, safe home.

That's all the advice I can give, since I know so little about your job situation.

 
Old 06-07-2009, 08:36 PM   #3
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bobs11 HB User
Re: Depression & Anxiety (I hate my job?)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arggg View Post
Bobs, you don't say what you're doing in your new job? What kind of work are you doing? What kind of people are you working with?

I would have done exactly the same as you did - gone back to an old company for more money, especially with a family to support.

But these are people who treated you badly before and sacked you. I worked for a company like that. It was devastating after they forced me to quit (they didn't fire me - then they would have to pay me unemployment). After 12 years, they didn't care about me. They did that to a lot of long-term employees. Then I got sick and almost died. Then I got a horrible job working for a truly evil person, for low pay. Also, the illness caused memory loss and I couldn't remember anything. Stress made it worse. So I had to quit, with no other job to go to.

You're working for people who don't really give a @#$ about you as a person, just as a worker. Of course you're nervous and anxious. You have to go to that same place every single day and think about that.

The ideal thing would be to get a new job, but that's not always an option. If you don't have that option, you'll just have to keep being aggressive about treating the depression, anxiety, and fear.

I took a job after I got axed that I found extremely stressful, but the pay was good. I daydreamed about quitting almost every day. I realized that it was mostly depression and stress, partly me and partly them. This is a difficult job, but at least they don't fire people for any old reason. They have no intention of firing me, they value my work, and that's the reason I stay. That and I need the money!! These people are stressing out too, because of the economy here.

Unemployment is the worst thing of all. Just remember that. There are homeless people who envy you and your dreary job and your wife and kids and your warm, safe home.

That's all the advice I can give, since I know so little about your job situation.

 
Old 06-07-2009, 09:09 PM   #4
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bobs11 HB User
Re: Depression & Anxiety (I hate my job?)

Thanks Arggg for your reply.
Sorry to hear about your experience although i agree with your comment about finding another job. My job is in sales, however i've been doing the same thing for a long time now and don't really feel the pressure as i once used to. My fear of leaving and finding another job is that i'm afraid of change
and the confidence i had is no longer there, will i flop?, will i be able to handle the stress in a new role?,as i don't feel stressed at my current job just absolute boredom.
I've repeatedly asked my employer to let me go on the road abit more but nothing ever gets done about it. Some people cannot be couped up in an office all day with not much to do,that alone could frustrate anyone.
The other concern is that i have anxiety/panic attacks to deal with which came well before the depression. My life and my families life generally has suffered as a result of the illness but we're still here and battling on which is a positive. I think i will leave and need to do so fairly soon so thank you for thoughts and advice.

P.S. I hope this doesn't sound like i'm not grateful about having a job, i am, all we need to do is look at what's happening in the world today,times are really tough at the moment.I'm just unhappy at my current job and i have let that affect mine and my families life.

 
Old 06-08-2009, 10:58 AM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 184
Arggg HB UserArggg HB UserArggg HB User
Re: Depression & Anxiety (I hate my job?)

Have you tried natural supplements? I take lots of fish oil when I get panicky or anxious. It calms me down really quickly. I also try to avoid alcohol, chocolate, and soft drinks - those put me in a horrible mood if I use too much. Good luck with everything!! I know what you mean about "being grateful". I have to tell myself every day, I'm lucky to have a job, I'm lucky to have a job. I have to remind myself what it was like when I was unemployed, freezing, and starving.

 
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