Feeling very tried and unlovable.. - Depression Message Board

Rilley · 06-09-2009, 09:14 AM

I hate it when people say I’m here for you. When in reality they just want to be labeled as this caring person. The minute you spill your guts they are gone leaving you feeling so stupid for telling them. Then they act as nothing has happened and I still feel lonely and even more insignificant (Not talking about my Hus. or anybody in particular). My marriage is falling apart and I have this aching feeling my husband hates me. Its not just they way he talks to me or that he looks away when I’m talking. I feel unimportant to him and our so called marriage. I guess I had it in my head that you should be able to tell your hus. about your feelings and you both can work through them and live happily ever after. But in real life love doesn’t last and people grow tired of one another. If I ask hus. what’s wrong “nothing I’m fine it must be you.” Its like he is pushing me out of the marriage? My brother was in the ER for something serious and he didn’t even show up and my brother kept asking about him. I though to myself how much is he really here for me? If he gets mad about whatever he doesn’t talk to me and this can go on for a week. I feel bad enough about myself I really don’t need his help. He has surgery coming up and I’m really stressing about it –to myself of course. But right now we are not talking and I am pretty sure he is going to ask me not to come again. Happened before but I showed up anyway I am here for him- I just wish it were the same for me. Life is too hard and marriage is even harder.

Sorry I just had to vent.

wifeofaprince · 06-09-2009, 09:28 AM

I am sorry you feel so bad. Not only does depression cause one to hate themselves, it also makes it seem like everyone elso hates them too. If you are not already seeing a doctor, find one now. It is amazing what recognition can do. Depression is just another illness. Can you imagine what it would be like having cancer, or MS, or some other recognised disease, but have everyone around you think you should act "normal" or be okay, and think happy thoughts and everything will be okay. It doesnt work that way.
Once the doctor confirmed there was something wrong with me, and said we can treat that, I felt affirmed as a person. I am sick, and I am getting treatment for my illness. I may not recover completely, but there is something really wrong and I am doing something about it.
People without this disease do not understand how it makes you feel. How can they when probably you don't know how you feel.
As far as your marriage and husband are concerned, I imagine you have been "going through the motions" for sometime. You have resigned yourself to his ineptitude, and he is in a rut. Mutual understanding is needed. Even the Bible says there is a confusion of plans when there is no comunication.
If any of your feelings are like some I had, you probably don't like yourself too much, and you may doubt your love for yourself also. Seek help, and despite your husband's upcoming surgery try and talk with him about what you both are facing, and how best to handle it. Small steps, but positive ones will help you both.

Rilley · 06-09-2009, 01:53 PM

Thank you for your response. It does some how make me feel better knowing I'm not alone. I stopped treatment almost a year ago. I have been on at least 5 meds and didn't do much for me and coming off them was worse. Anyway right now we are about to lose our ins. so I have been keeping low bc trying to apply for individual plan (There either going to deny us or not cover anything) thru my employer.
I really liked "Bible says there is a confusion of plans when there is no comunication." Where is that at? I really need some direction in my life. Sometimes it scares me how bad I can feel...Thank you again my friend.

wifeofaprince · 06-09-2009, 08:43 PM

I am glad you were encouraged. I got that scripture a little wrong, but you can read it for yourself. I apologise for paraphrasing. Its Proverbs 15:22. This book is full of wisdom, but comfort can be found in Psalms. Not sure of the place exactly, but will locate if you want, there is a verse that says when we cant put our thoughts into prayers God understands. Sometimes this world is so very distressing, our problems, and troubles weigh us down, and then we contend with our own imperfections, as well as those around us, it is difficult to cope. My own faith has strengthened me to face these challenges; I still have problems, but I muddle through.

Matt321 · 06-13-2009, 12:28 AM

Try marriage counciling and treatments for your depression, talk to your doc

gl <3

p.s.
<- same boat