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Old 06-14-2009, 06:41 AM   #1
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has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

I am nineteen years old and I was first diagnosed with depression at the age of fourteen. Throughout five years of treatment the reason for my depression is still a mystery. I think I was just born like this. My life has got better and it is bearable the majority of the time. The only problem is at least once a week I get extremely suicidal. I always get through it but I know the same feelings are going to come back. I am now at the stage that I am scared I wont be able to go through much more of this. If anybody has experienced something like this and has some advice i would love to hear from you.

 
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Old 06-14-2009, 08:50 PM   #2
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Hi Darrylann,

I've had depression since I was 10. Now 58. Didn't know that until about 10 years ago though. During the first long period I often thought of suicide, as a way out if things got too hard. At one stage I had a breakdown and tried to do it but pulled out at the right time, unharmed.

You see I decided I wanted to live, regardless.

At the beginning of the current 10 years I was in such a bad way, due to a specific incident at work, that I was suicidal 24/7 for over 3 months. Best diet I've ever been on I tell you, lost about 70 pounds as I simply forgot to eat. That in jest but it's true nevertheless.

I got out of that and have been relatively stable ever since due to me getting serious about treatment, sticking with it and finding a good pdoc who I trust and who listens to me.

I've learnt that when I do get suicidal thoughts, and they come and go, not as severe as that period, I know I can get through it and that they are just thoughts, nothing more.

Because I've survived the worst of it without giving up I know what my mind can throw at me now is bearable as I KNOW what is going on.

Do you follow the difference? Before it was as much fear of what was happening as the thoughts. I was so scared of those feelings and wanted to do anything to stop them.

Now I know how to. Simply wait, take meds, talk to my doc, sleep, distract myself and above all, don't believe those thoughts as they are not orders or instructions. They are just thoughts.

Are they hard to live with? Not any longer you see as I know 2 things. One is they will come and go but they will not be as severe as they were that period because I have strategies now to deal with it and I know what they are and why.

Second is I know I've already survived the worst and nothing can make me suicide when I do not want to. Which I don't.

At your age I understand your fear and trepidation of what may come but the truth is our fear of it is what really makes it bad, big time. DO you follow this bit? We pile the fear on fear and it becomes so big it just rolls over us and dominates.

Learn to know your enemy, your illness. Study it, find out why you think what you do, how your brain creates those thoughts and how you have beatn those thoughts in the past. It is that past success that you hang on to when it comes again. You know you can cope and survive and with that knowledge the fear lessens.

You say you don't know where it came from and there is about a 1 in 3 chance you've had it from birth. This from the Twins Studies which indicated about 33% of us are born with it. Meaning the rest of us develop it of course.

I was about 49 when I found out all my answers. All those years I had wondered, sought and driven myself crazy wanting to know all the WHY's.

In the end the answers were right there in front of me all the time but I had discounted them as the rest of the family had too.

My advice on finding the reasons for your depression are to look within the family. Talk to family who knew you young and can speak about how you were treated and what you might have seen and experienced. There may be something dramatic there but it's far more likely it will be something quite apparently normal. Such as a stern, untielding parent who never gave you warmth etc. Those things can change our little brains for life you see.

If you can't find those people or they won't speak then you will just have to accept you have depression and focus on dealing with how to cope and relieve things when needed.

One major thought you can use is that suicidal thoughts are never aboput us wanting to die. Never.

They are purely about wanting the pain and anguish to stop. Our brains have no other know method but death so that is what our mind tells us. But it's not reality. We don't want to die.

Nor do you and you won't until your natural time comes as I see you seeking a way to deal with this.

 
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Old 06-16-2009, 07:49 AM   #3
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Re: Darrylann

I have been suffering from depression since I was 13. I am now 36. The worst of it occured between the ages of 32 to 35. The thoughts of suicide were constantly on my mind with 2 failed attempts. I was tired, very tired. I admitted myself into a program that specialized in depression and anxiety, I stayed there for 2 months. In the program as mentoned by "Someboddy" alot of my issues were from "fear". The fear of everything. They taught me to identify these fears and how to cope with them. One of the biggest break throughs for me is when they told me to keep a journal. I began writting about my past! When I did this, it identified some major issues in my life that were apparently causing me to feel this way. And then I would write about how I felt that day and why? The program also made me realize that life is full of choices. It is through the chocies we make in our life that determine our outcome. Alot of my choices were based on negative thinking. Therefore I had to retrain my mind into thinking more postive. How did I do this this? Through meditation. I was reluctant on this one until I noticed how well other people were doing. I introduced it slowly always affimrming to my self that "I loved myself". You see, it was all the self hatred I had burried inside of me that was causing most of my problems. So I learned to love myself again. I learned that I was not alone in my ordeal. Today, through what I have learned, I have become more aware and have learned to grow more gracefully. Do I still get depressed? You bet! But alteast now I can read my journals and look back at where i came from and can look in the mirror and smile!

Last edited by Tinman73; 06-16-2009 at 07:50 AM.

 
Old 06-17-2009, 09:04 AM   #4
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Lightbulb Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Hi Someboddy,

Thank you for your reply. It is nice to know that a stranger would take the time to help somebody else. Your reply was very helpful to me. what you said about noboby wants to die they just want to get away from the pain. That is the best explanation I have ever heard. That stuck in my mind the most. I was a relieved to understand why I have felt like that. I have in the past been hospitalised after overdoses but thankfully I have recovered. I have been on medication for the past five years. I feel it works well as i have tried everyone in the book and my current meds are the best i have tried. I am considering asking my physciatrist to up my dose as I do feel down as i said at least once a week. Im asking myself am I just looking for something that is not possible??meaning if im am on meds should i still be getting stages of depression at all or is that normal. If so knowing that medication cant help in that respect I would be willing to do everything in my power to help myself.

It was interesting to hear that one in three people are born with depression. I think that is the reason for my depression. My dad has depression so I always presumed I got it from him. He didnt tell me about this incase I would blame him for the way I am.

You were saying to try and find the reasons for my depression. As i said i think I was born with it but as a result of it I turned my life upside down. I become involved heavily in drugs, drank alot and basically became the scum of the earth. Things that I have done in my past and things that have happened to me still haunt me. I have tried conselling but I feel there is so much in my past it would take years to even tell my story never mind coming to terms with it. I ment to say I was taken out of that and i am now clean and lead a normal life and have good friends who support me. the majority of those years i find hard to recollect, whether i have trained myself to block them out i find it so hard to remember. even writting this is making me stressed. Loads of things are racing into my mind and i cant seem to write them all down. Basically i had a hectic few years and i wish i could reflect on them, forgive myself and move on. any advice??

 
Old 06-17-2009, 09:27 AM   #5
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinman73 View Post
Re: Darrylann

I have been suffering from depression since I was 13. I am now 36. The worst of it occured between the ages of 32 to 35. The thoughts of suicide were constantly on my mind with 2 failed attempts. I was tired, very tired. I admitted myself into a program that specialized in depression and anxiety, I stayed there for 2 months. In the program as mentoned by "Someboddy" alot of my issues were from "fear". The fear of everything. They taught me to identify these fears and how to cope with them. One of the biggest break throughs for me is when they told me to keep a journal. I began writting about my past! When I did this, it identified some major issues in my life that were apparently causing me to feel this way. And then I would write about how I felt that day and why? The program also made me realize that life is full of choices. It is through the chocies we make in our life that determine our outcome. Alot of my choices were based on negative thinking. Therefore I had to retrain my mind into thinking more postive. How did I do this this? Through meditation. I was reluctant on this one until I noticed how well other people were doing. I introduced it slowly always affimrming to my self that "I loved myself". You see, it was all the self hatred I had burried inside of me that was causing most of my problems. So I learned to love myself again. I learned that I was not alone in my ordeal. Today, through what I have learned, I have become more aware and have learned to grow more gracefully. Do I still get depressed? You bet! But alteast now I can read my journals and look back at where i came from and can look in the mirror and smile!
Hi Tinman,
Thank you for your reply. You were saying that you were reluctant to take medication for your depression. I have to say i was the same. I resented the fact that i needed to take a tablet to be normal but know i couldnt live without them. I have been taking anti-d's since i was 14 but only found one that worked 2years ago.
You were saying you have learned to love yourself again. That is a main prority for me at the moment. I have never loved myself so i suppose i dont know what it should feel like. I do hate myself. I always pick at my faults but i suppose if i weighed up my strenghts and weaknesses I would definately outweight my weaknesses. I seem to dwell on my flaws as I feel i should change them. I sometimes get confused between things that I can change and things that are basically who I am.
I think your idea of a journal is a great idea. I can see where you are coming from when you say you can see how far you have come when you read it but i know i have come far as i have recovered from a drug addiction and went back to school and am now in college doing well. but still when i am in that dark hole of depression that would not make me feel any better. i just think i dont care how far i have come as im still feeling ******.excuse the language. Do you ever feel like that. when i feel low my parents give me a run down of how far i have come but i just get annoyed because i know that should make me feel better but i dosnt.did you ever feel like that??

 
Old 06-17-2009, 10:24 AM   #6
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Hi Darrylann,

I to was an alcoholic / addict for over 20 years. My life comprised of a lot of pain and suffering. I experienced death twice in my family at an early age. My mother was taken from me instantly of a stroke and my brother had overdosed. to deal with the pain I began to drink alot and do drugs. I didn't know anybetter at the time. All I knew was that it made me feel good and it took the pain away. But as you already know this is only a temporary fix. I had so much regressed anger later on in life about my past and how I did not talk about it back then. I don't think depression is genentic (my opinion) rather a choice. Under certain circumstances some experience it alot worse then others and have to work harder to over come it, such as myself. Some, I have noticed, rather dwell in it then get better because it is the only way for them to get attention or it is all the have ever known. I beleive depression is worse then any addiction and more dangerous. When we allow are selves to get lost in that dark place sometimes it becomes very difficult to get out, hence suicide and crime. But there is away out. The only person that has the answer is you! Through proper thearpy, medication if neccessary, diet, excercise, and if possible meditation and spirtuality it can be overcome, gradually. Will it ever go away, I don't know, I guess that depends on us. There are times I go to the dark place still, but the difference now is I can actually stop and say to my self "hey wait a minute", and that is when I grab my dog and go for a walk in the country, instead of lying on my bed thinking or dreaming up negative things. I now know that if I allow myself to wollow in my miseries (depression) I am only asking for trouble. We have to know our limitations and understand them. The only problem I have today is me! I am not perfect and I still have alot of issues that need to be addressed, but one thing is for certain I am alot more happier today then I was before years ago and I will do anything to keep it.

Last edited by Tinman73; 06-17-2009 at 10:33 AM.

 
Old 06-19-2009, 02:12 PM   #7
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

It can kind of go into remission, but you can't really cure it. It's like diabetes. Even if you feel good, you know it's always there. So you have to treat it every day.

I'm very aggressive with medication, vitamins, etc. I avoid people who make me angry or more depressed. You need to attack it from every angle.

 
Old 08-11-2009, 02:50 PM   #8
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Arggg, What you say is so profound. There are certain people who delight in depressing one. Medication, vitamins are essential and avoid unpleasant people.

 
Old 08-16-2009, 02:46 AM   #9
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Dear darrylan, you must forgive yourself. I just concentrate on today and make plans for the future and try not to think about the past. I am sure you will find the strength to do that. Think of all these people as your family. I do not think any of us really understand depresssion or mental illness, the doctors least of all as it is not in their heads. However seeing a doctor is vital and a routine. Do not know if these words help but it helps me to write them. Positive thoughts are the thing.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 12:14 AM   #10
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

I can truly say that I lived with varying stages of depression for 25 years, and I am now free of it. It took a huge wake up call to drive me out of it. I was face with a life threatening illness. It's been five years now, and I am still alive, still can hug my kids, still can laugh, being alive is enough to be so grateful, that there is no room for depression.

I definatly recommend medical help, and emotional help...It gets you to your goal more diractly and faster... than winging it. There is no shame in treating it like any other illness, and take every step you can to drive it out of your life.

Forgive yourself, and don't waste another minute of your precious life dwelling on your past. Learn what you can from it, and leave it behind. Don't wait like I did, and find yourself faced with too little time to live.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 05:23 PM   #11
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Docs definitely have patients who overcome depression. All of my doc's successful patients spent considerable time in therapy. Although this is terribly hard to beat, the uniqueness of depression makes it a fight that can be won. MS and other health conditions may be a lifetime condition, but depression is different.

 
Old 08-21-2009, 07:15 PM   #12
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

I do not believe people are born with depression. No depression gene has ever been found........ Current thinking centers on the parent-child relationship and nurturing. Growing up with a depressed parent deprives one of adequate nurturing. The depressed parent is unavailable so to speak. The environment is ripe for depression to develop....Personally I believe a competent counselor is required to analyze the past.

 
Old 08-22-2009, 02:47 AM   #13
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Re: has anybody here suffered with depression for years and has recovered??

Dear Seymour93,Survivor3 and writeleft, what you say is so comforting. The whole subject of 'depression' and 'bipolar' also Charles Bonnet's syndrome are all so shrouded in fog. I, personally, feel that the Doctors do not really understand mental illness. My doctor, although very nice, spent five minutes looking through a book on medications with the least side effects and came up with Quetiapine, then proceeded to tell me that she would get a slap on the wrist because it is expensive.

 
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