Hello everyone, I decided to come onto the forums to try and seek out help for all of my different heath problems after not receiving help from previous visits to Health centers, women centers, and even the ER... My hope is slowly dying out and I'm in search of answers to questions regarding my well-being... In another thread of mine I included a lot of information about myself in which Ill transfer over to this post for everyone to know exactly how I am which could better help in knowing if I am depressant.
My name is Brittany, I'm a 19, soon to be 20 year old white female standing 5 feet 7 inches tall and overweight for my age at about 210 pounds last time I checked. I was said to have a type of Asthma when I was younger... that's currently untreated. Also I have not had a menstrual cycle since January of 08' it just vanished one day and has not returned, I have bowel movement complications, and very high blood pressure. I have been smoking cigarettes for years. I often have aches and pains randomly often, weakness and irritability.
I have had a lot go on throughout my short years and am leading myself to believe that it has caused depression in me. When I was younger my parents fought constantly, which ended up being taken out on me a lot of the time with scarring emotional and mental abuse. My father who has a lot of medical conditions himself, ended up in the hospitals more then once. They were on the verge of divorce but it never came. They are still together to this day living 1,000 miles away. Growing up was a tough time for me I often felt the need to rebel. I guess every teen does but I was an outcast and went though rough stages of being unsure of my sexuality, which brought on a lot of harassment. I used to go out and drink, things I know now I shouldn't have done because it all lead up to another incident, where I was sexually harassed, and nearly raped while intoxicated and I still believe to this day, drugged. I was never really happy child from middle-school up through high school. I found myself feeling sad and worthless. Many boyfriends, with more abuse, then later, finally found the one. I moved out of my parents house at 17 and got married at 18 and moved with him from FL to PA. He is a wonderful person, and we are both working on our problems now. He was physically violent for months, and that of course made me feel hopeless and insecure even more causing me to think about suicide, which scared me because I had attempted it once when I was still in school, living with my parents, I told myself I wouldn't even think of it again, until well, I thought of it. I often also thought about divorce. And nearly left one night which caused him to attempt suicide in front of me... It was a rough time but then after, we both realized we can not live without each other and need to be there for one another and are communicating better then ever. Even so... I am feeling just... horrible. I have not been able to hold a job since I was able to legally work, which caused my husband and I to lose our home when I was let go from a previous job which was the initial reason we moved to PA. I have been unemployed since November of 08' I feel the desire to sleep ALL the time... when I'm not on the computer I am sleeping. I sleep most of my life and can not understand why... I don't even know if it's that I'm tired, or my mind is just telling me I am. I never have any energy to do things I used to love... like going out, talking on the phone, even sex. I am always aching with some pain. Normally my back and stomach.
I read into so many different things when my husband began noticing my sex drive was simply missing and began to think I didn't want him... I knew it wasn't that, just that I just didn't want to do anything. I came across Atypical depression and it's symptoms matched me to a "T":
* sadness - Yes
* loss of energy - Yes
* feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness - Yes
* loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable - Yes
* difficulty concentrating - Sometimes
* uncontrollable crying - Not currently
* difficulty making decisions - Sometimes
* irritability - Yes
* increased need for sleep -Yes
* insomnia or excessive sleep - Excessive, yes
* unexplained aches and pains - Yes
* stomachache and digestive problems - Yes
* decreased sex drive - Yes
* headache - Yes
* a change in appetite that causes weight loss or gain - Unsure
* thoughts of death or suicide - Yes
It mentions that a huge factor of Atypical depression is that the mood improves if something positive happens. Which does in fact happen with me. When something goes right... I feel likes it's almost a burst of fresh air that is very rare. It also states that you have a more intense reaction or increased sensitivity to rejection. Which is recently, very correct. Overeating is another symptom which I normally do... but am now trying to somewhat control it because of my bowel condition...
I just am unsure... upset and confused. I'm just wondering if this is normal for me to feel that I have depression, or if I'm just overanalyzing everything... Is this severe? Should I take precautions or try to change myself? I don't know how to go about it...