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Old 07-09-2009, 07:07 AM   #1
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How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

I am fighting so hard to not have depressive, scared thoughts run through my mind. these very thoughts are what make me frozen, frozen enough to not have any motivation what so ever to get things done. things I normally took for granted, like cooking, cleaning, running to the store for something, getting gasoline in my car, going to see my sister or family members, even just talking is an effort. etc.
when I'm in this horrible state of mind, I can not function!!!
I'm on zoloft now for how many years? I simply can't recall.
I've fought therapists for years and simply self medicated myself until I got myself into a full fledged addiction. the type where your body becomes addicted even if want to quit with your mind. that' when I decided enough is enough and I'll finally try what the doctors wanted me to take. medicine.
I dont' want to take medications. they have horrible side effects and I don't trust the drug companies who are so quick to say try this new drug that's really used to treat another illness, but they're also using depressed people as guinea pigs to try these anti seizure medications!!!
yet when I'm at this point of uncomfortablness, ANYTHING sounds good to try.
yet they dont' work.
so really.... what on earth really works to take away this horrible suffering i"m feeling? the guilt that goes along with it. that I feel like a horrible woman who can't even do the simplest of things. I feel like I make my mate unhappy and my kids when I'm in this state of mind. I dont even want to talk to them!

somtimes when people just ask me a question I want to reply with anger!

I feel like crawling into a hole and just stay there for the rest of my life.

I was just over on another board here called " tips for depression".
I happend to read a womans point of view of what she goes through and tips to use to help us through these very difficult times.

I find it extremely hard to discuss these feelings I have with another human being. I can't get the words out. I just feel them. can't say them.

I never met another person who could explain so well what i feel inside.Not until I read these womans feelings and they're so precise.

quote:

"I can modify or change my own behaviour directly, and alter the direction of my thoughts, but must accept my feelings of the moment. In other words, I have found cognitive behavioral therapy extremely useful in changing the way I think and behave, and so indirectly influencing my feelings. However, some negative feelings come unbidden, and I have found it less than useful to try and suppress or deny them.

DISCUSSION: HOW CAN I ACCEPT MY FEELINGS? IS THIS WHAT WOULD MAKE MY FEELINGS NOT FEEL SO PAINFUL AND MAKE ME FEEL SO FRIGHTENED THAT I MAY NOT BE HAPPY AGAIN?
SO I MUST ACCEPT MY FEELINGS? Is this what others of you do with your depression? because instead of me accepting these horrible things I feel, I fight them!
So cognitive therapy is supposed to help us think another way?

2ND QUOTE:


10. Therefore I have found it necessary to develop my own set of (effective and non-destructive) coping strategies for dealing with negative feelings, or external events and situations. Reassuringly, I have found that I can now experience negative thoughts or go through unpleasant experiences without panicking over plunging into a severe depression - a constant threat that has hung over me ever since I can remember.

DISCUSSION: Coping strategies. what are coping strategies?
does anyone here know? and if so, can you please share them with me?

I want to be able to experience my negative thoughts and feelings without panicking and going into an even deeper depression. and yes, this is also a constant threat that has hung over me as well.

I find these words fantastic! she explained them to the T.

do any of you with depression find it difficult to be able to explain your feelings to a therapist or to loved ones?
if so, how do you do it?
where does one begin?

I'm going through alot of physical problems, unable to pin point exactly what is going on. something autoimmune. I"ve been to numerous doctors visits for many many years now for different things.
isn't this another sign of depression? constant illness's.
I've already been clinically depressed years ago and I know the feeling of it. this is something different that I'm feeling. there's different depressions.
that's what I feel anyway.

How can one distinguish if it's really clinical depression or caused by a factor that's organic? meaning, caused by something medically going on in the body?
lots of hormonal issues and neuro illness's can cause depression.

My psychiatrist who evaluated me a few yrs ago when I first was introduced to her, even wrote a letter to give me to present to doctors to show them I was evaluated and that it wasn't depression causing my symptoms.

I was losing alot of weight unintentionally but had a big appetite. I was having a female problem and wound up having a total hysterectomy at the age of 45 which put me into full blown menopause. I little by little put on some weight back to my normal weight. but it's now 2009, I've lost 16 lbs again without trying, have lack of appetite, have joints at different areas of my body swell up for no reason, bone pain, cognitive impairment to the point where it would me the age of a woman in her 80's, not 49 and I need to see a different dr because the one I"m seeing doesnt' know what to do for me anymore. she's a rheumy doctor. in a small town. so I'm trying to figure this out on my own research, which is only making me feel like a hypochondriac, another thing to add to the list of guilt that I feel.

 
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Old 07-09-2009, 04:30 PM   #2
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Re: How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

Accepting your feelings is a great coping strategy for many things. However, to me it's exactly the opposite of what you want to do when you're depressed. Those are feelings that you can't really just live with, as you seem to know.

As for strategies for coping w/depression? I don't know, and I wouldn't use any if I did. Depression doesn't need to be coped with. It needs to be treated. Maybe if this was the 19th century then coping would be your only choice. But now it's not.

You say you've been on Zoloft for years and it doesn't work. Why are you still taking it? Try something else. There are many different types and classes of antidepressants, some of which work in very different ways from others. Also, therapy could be useful to you.

I guess my point is that is you are clincially depressed, the best way to deal w/it is treatment, not learing to live with it, IMO.

 
Old 07-10-2009, 04:19 AM   #3
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Re: How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

Hello NY,

I just wanted to say don't give up. I'm the same age as you and had a complete hysterectomy in 2005. I think that's when my problems started. I became fond of pain pills and ended up with an addiction a few years ago that I still struggle with cravings and memories of "feeling good".

I am a summer person. Happy in the summer, depressed in the winter. I hit my breaking point this February and saw a shrink for the first time. He upped my Zoloft from 100 mg to 200 mg and added Abilify. I also take Seroquel for sleep. Those three meds have helped me in a big way. I can laugh again and trust me, that was hard to do a few months ago.

Everyone needs to do what is right for them. I hate that I take so many meds, but am grateful that I have myself back.

I hope you find something that works for you. Best wishes,

JB

 
Old 07-10-2009, 08:57 AM   #4
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Re: How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

hello
theres a mixture of depression and illnesses that are probably affecting you negatively. Perhaps you can start taking some risks that you would enjoy and feel young again.
As medicines have not worked upto now, there isnt much you can do with medicine at this point. This may sound odd but live in a way where you are very instinctive and not really analyse your own work.

Good luck

 
Old 08-07-2009, 09:34 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NY 1009 View Post
I am fighting so hard to not have depressive, scared thoughts run through my mind. these very thoughts are what make me frozen, frozen enough to not have any motivation what so ever to get things done. things I normally took for granted, like cooking, cleaning, running to the store for something, getting gasoline in my car, going to see my sister or family members, even just talking is an effort. etc.
when I'm in this horrible state of mind, I can not function!!!
I'm on zoloft now for how many years? I simply can't recall.
I've fought therapists for years and simply self medicated myself until I got myself into a full fledged addiction. the type where your body becomes addicted even if want to quit with your mind. that' when I decided enough is enough and I'll finally try what the doctors wanted me to take. medicine.
I dont' want to take medications. they have horrible side effects and I don't trust the drug companies who are so quick to say try this new drug that's really used to treat another illness, but they're also using depressed people as guinea pigs to try these anti seizure medications!!!
yet when I'm at this point of uncomfortablness, ANYTHING sounds good to try.
yet they dont' work.
so really.... what on earth really works to take away this horrible suffering i"m feeling? the guilt that goes along with it. that I feel like a horrible woman who can't even do the simplest of things. I feel like I make my mate unhappy and my kids when I'm in this state of mind. I dont even want to talk to them!

somtimes when people just ask me a question I want to reply with anger!

I feel like crawling into a hole and just stay there for the rest of my life.

I was just over on another board here called " tips for depression".
I happend to read a womans point of view of what she goes through and tips to use to help us through these very difficult times.

I find it extremely hard to discuss these feelings I have with another human being. I can't get the words out. I just feel them. can't say them.

I never met another person who could explain so well what i feel inside.Not until I read these womans feelings and they're so precise.

quote:

"I can modify or change my own behaviour directly, and alter the direction of my thoughts, but must accept my feelings of the moment. In other words, I have found cognitive behavioral therapy extremely useful in changing the way I think and behave, and so indirectly influencing my feelings. However, some negative feelings come unbidden, and I have found it less than useful to try and suppress or deny them.

DISCUSSION: HOW CAN I ACCEPT MY FEELINGS? IS THIS WHAT WOULD MAKE MY FEELINGS NOT FEEL SO PAINFUL AND MAKE ME FEEL SO FRIGHTENED THAT I MAY NOT BE HAPPY AGAIN?
SO I MUST ACCEPT MY FEELINGS? Is this what others of you do with your depression? because instead of me accepting these horrible things I feel, I fight them!
So cognitive therapy is supposed to help us think another way?

2ND QUOTE:


10. Therefore I have found it necessary to develop my own set of (effective and non-destructive) coping strategies for dealing with negative feelings, or external events and situations. Reassuringly, I have found that I can now experience negative thoughts or go through unpleasant experiences without panicking over plunging into a severe depression - a constant threat that has hung over me ever since I can remember.

DISCUSSION: Coping strategies. what are coping strategies?
does anyone here know? and if so, can you please share them with me?

I want to be able to experience my negative thoughts and feelings without panicking and going into an even deeper depression. and yes, this is also a constant threat that has hung over me as well.

I find these words fantastic! she explained them to the T.

do any of you with depression find it difficult to be able to explain your feelings to a therapist or to loved ones?
if so, how do you do it?
where does one begin?

I'm going through alot of physical problems, unable to pin point exactly what is going on. something autoimmune. I"ve been to numerous doctors visits for many many years now for different things.
isn't this another sign of depression? constant illness's.
I've already been clinically depressed years ago and I know the feeling of it. this is something different that I'm feeling. there's different depressions.
that's what I feel anyway.

How can one distinguish if it's really clinical depression or caused by a factor that's organic? meaning, caused by something medically going on in the body?
lots of hormonal issues and neuro illness's can cause depression.

My psychiatrist who evaluated me a few yrs ago when I first was introduced to her, even wrote a letter to give me to present to doctors to show them I was evaluated and that it wasn't depression causing my symptoms.

I was losing alot of weight unintentionally but had a big appetite. I was having a female problem and wound up having a total hysterectomy at the age of 45 which put me into full blown menopause. I little by little put on some weight back to my normal weight. but it's now 2009, I've lost 16 lbs again without trying, have lack of appetite, have joints at different areas of my body swell up for no reason, bone pain, cognitive impairment to the point where it would me the age of a woman in her 80's, not 49 and I need to see a different dr because the one I"m seeing doesnt' know what to do for me anymore. she's a rheumy doctor. in a small town. so I'm trying to figure this out on my own research, which is only making me feel like a hypochondriac, another thing to add to the list of guilt that I feel.
The only helpful thing I have discovered is to have a strict routine but to do something different once a week. i.e. Something so small like re writing your address book. See a doctor and perhaps change your medication. Your swollen joints might be a side effect of your present medication. I had horrible muscle spasams from Olanzapine and venex something and hallucinations from Citalapram, However some people do not and their medication suits them. I shall research zoloft now you have mentioned it. Sense of humour is essential. We are all in the same boat wondering why we find just getting up so difficult. I told my dentist I am so ashamed I went round saying I was part of MI6! He said do not worry perhaps you are! Indecisiveness is my nightmare. Should I go into the garden or not! Which chore should I do first? Did I really tell people the Iffel Tower is going to fall down on the 10th of October with metal fatique. Think of funny things, tell people you have been absolutely completely round the bend but you are better now. My thoughts are with you, all your blogs are so comforting.

 
Old 08-13-2009, 10:42 AM   #6
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 459
Survivor3 HB User
Re: How do you get better when you feel there's no way to?

Begin with depression education. Use reputable medical sites. Misinformation and myths are far too common. Accept that defeating depression requires hard work and time. However, the battle is winnable. Be flexible. If one treatment fails, try a new direction. Reach out to family and friends.

 
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