Hi, Im new to this board and just pray that someone out there can help me. I am 34 years old and have suffered with depression for most of my life and have been on loads of different meds for it, nothing ever seemed to work and now i don't take anything as im tired of being a human guinnie pig. I was in hospital two years ago with a breakdown after my wife left me, we were married for 11 years and for the most part i was depressed. I feel like im becoming more and more of a recluse, i dont know how to talk to people and cant even bring myself to answer the phone or the door. i am exhausted all the time and feel so isolated and alone. The worst thing is that my wife died in march of a brain tumor and i am now trying to raise my two daughters aged 14 and 8. I sleep all the time that they are at school and everything else is such an effort. I need to get out of this black hole for their sakes but just cant and its killing me. why did their mum die and not me as most of the time i wish i was dead anyway. Im so alone and have no one or nowhere to turn to. Please please please somebody HELP ME.
Hello
So you have a lot of depression. Do you remember the last time you enjoyed something simple? Just thinking, are you looking for the best intentions for your daughters? If so, you need to get healthy first. You can describe to us your full life details and then someone can guide you through to start living healthy. Until you treat yourself well, you wont be able to appreciate life. Try going to a doctor and see what s/he says to you. Good luck
You say you don't like taking antidepressants, but do you feel better than you feel now when you take them?
If so, you should consider taking them again. I dont' like taking antidepressants either. I don't like the side effects, I don't like the fact that my mind is dependent on a drug to function normally, but I dislike being depressed far more than I dislike taking medication for depression.
Since you are raising children you also need to take them into account when making your decision. You owe it to them to be the best father you can and if that involves doing some things you might not like doing, then you probably need to do those things anyway.
At the very least you should be in some kind of therapy.
Last edited by fossilapostle; 09-18-2009 at 06:19 PM.
Im so alone and have no one or nowhere to turn to. Please please please somebody HELP ME.[/QUOTE]
You're crying out for help and that's the first step to getting it. We are all here to help, but we cannot give you the medical treatment that you need. You need to see your doctor. There are a lot of treatmants available for people with depression, and yes, some don't work but eventually one will work
for you. it's all worth it, please do it for your children. You say that you are alone and you have noone to turn to, imagine your children they lost their mother and now they've lost their father, they feel the exact same way you do.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, i am trying to be honest so that maybe you can see that if you get the help that you need you can start being a father to your children, they lost one parent they don't deserve to lose both.
I hope you get the help that you need, it'll make all the difference in your life.
I wish you the best. Remember there is a way out of that black hole, it's up to you.
You say you don't like taking antidepressants, but do you feel better than you feel now when you take them?
If so, you should consider taking them again. I dont' like taking antidepressants either. I don't like the side effects, I don't like the fact that my mind is dependent on a drug to function normally, but I dislike being depressed far more than I dislike taking medication for depression.
Since you are raising children you also need to take them into account when making your decision. You owe it to them to be the best father you can and if that involves doing some things you might not like doing, then you probably need to do those things anyway. You may want to also consider, depending on their age, telling them about your depression and explain to them that the way you feel and what you're going thru now has nothing to do with them. Children tend to think everything relates to them and sometimes think they are responsible for problems their parents are having.
At the very least you should be in some kind of therapy.
Last edited by fossilapostle; 09-18-2009 at 06:23 PM.
I couldn't agree more with the responses. I don't like taking antidepressants and feel exactly the same way, "I have to take these the rest of my life????" But, the reality is they help me. My parents tell me it's like them having to take blood pressure meds or cholesterol meds. I've recently had Abilify added to Cymbalta, after three years of doing well with no therapy. I had a setback and relapsed. Now I'm back in therapy, doing EMDR, a new type of therapy. Do I want to be there? NO but I need it. I firmly believe you needs meds and to find a good psychologist. That can be tricky, finding someone, who you can give your history to, who will be compassionate and have the skill to get you through it. You are going through a VERY difficult time. Your children need you and you need them. I also agree...how would they feel if they really lost you? When you have the time, take pleasure in simple things with them. Going for a walk or to a park or a movie. Dinner, book store. Enjoy being with them. Think of how lucky they are that they have a dad who loves them so much. A dad who wants to be there for them after they lost their mom. They can help you heal to after losing your wife. You have admitted you are not well. Take the next step. We all have faith in you, as we do in each other. We can help you but you have to want to help yourself. That's the part that takes some time to realize!!!! The Serenity saying helps me on a daily basis. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. You can't change the fact that your wife left you or that she unfortunately passed. You can change how you want to live your life now. Can you see that difference????
I really appreciate all of your replys and it looks like your all saying the same thing which is back to the doctor and back on the meds, and your all so right i do owe it to my children. Its not the side affects of the meds that i dont like though, its purely the fact that i have been on and off them since i was 17 and my depression has never gone away, i suppose it will never go away and in response to fossilapostle i think your right , things were never this bad when i was on them, it was always still there but i was able to manage it better. Thanks for your kind replys, you seem like good people on this board which has given me a lift as its people i fear most in life. My chidren do deserve the best and although every day is a struggle i am still determined to be the best dad possible so if meds are the only way then so be it.
That's wonderful!!!! I too have been on and off meds since I was 17. I'm 31 now!!! I don't think it's ever going to 100% go away. One of my doctors said it best, "Depression is just waiting around the corner for you." It's going to follow me. I just have to be a few steps ahead. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not! Look up EMDR therapy. I'm just starting it and I think it will be a little painful but feel I haven't really dealt with my issues. It's worth a shot, if it's going to take away some of my misery. Keep thinking Serenity!!!!
Thanks for your kind reply, i will look up EMDR therapy as i WILL try anything to be happy again, my children were the only thing that kept me going through my break down two years ago and i really am determined to keep strong for them but as you must know only to well it sometimes just feels impossible to do. I do try to do all the things that you've suggested with them, i take them to the beach a lot with our dogs but even that is so hard as i get panic attacks when around other people although i still push myself to do it for there sakes. Why do i have such a fear of people ?. I to have the serenity prayer and always read it but as you know somethings in life are easier said than done, please dont think im being negative. thank you so much again for your kind reply, just to know that there are other people out there who i can talk to and wont judge me or tell me to pull myself together gives me a glimmer of light. Thank You.
I really appreciate all of your replys and it looks like your all saying the same thing which is back to the doctor and back on the meds, and your all so right i do owe it to my children. Its not the side affects of the meds that i dont like though, its purely the fact that i have been on and off them since i was 17 and my depression has never gone away, i suppose it will never go away and in response to fossilapostle i think your right , things were never this bad when i was on them, it was always still there but i was able to manage it better. Thanks for your kind replys, you seem like good people on this board which has given me a lift as its people i fear most in life. My chidren do deserve the best and although every day is a struggle i am still determined to be the best dad possible so if meds are the only way then so be it.
I'm glad to hear that. But don't give up on one day finding a real cure for your depression. There are new drugs coming out all the time. There's that new drug Abilify which is specifically made for people on anti-depressants where they are kind of working, but not really totally getting rid of the depression.
To me, that sounds exactly like the situation you're in, i.e. the meds help some, but not enough. I don't personally know much about Abilify, but you should ask your doctor about it.
Also, in addition to the medical treatment, counseling can be very helpful for some people.
On a personal level, I have meditation to be a big help in my life. It's amazing how just sitting down calmly, concentrating on your breathing and nothing else for 30 minutes a day can have such a large affect on the way you feel. I strongly reccomend that you try it. I do Zen meditation, but there are many kinds. There are plenty of books you can get that teach you how to do it, and there are classes also if you'd prefer that.
Anyway, don't give up. I'm sure there's a treatment or combination of treatments out there that will help you get over this. Good luck!
I Really Need Help PLEASE 
