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Old 12-07-2009, 01:02 AM   #1
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Angry My entire family hates me for being ill????

hI to all,

Im new here today and really dont know where to start. So here goes. Ive been diagnosed with chronic depression,bi-polar and ocd. I was 27yrs old when i had the dx and am now 41yrs old. At the moment im very depressed and have been having some mania too!! I hate it as it;s taken over my day to day life. I also have had a very bad run regarding my ill health. I have an ileostomy,which i hate with a vengance. Ive lost my uterus,ovaries and both of my breasts and more. I am also suffering from a lack of estrogen and testosterone and am waiting to see my gyne,but i dont know if i will last that long as each day my depression and anger get's worse.

Im isolating myself all the time and i only leave my house when i go to work or to the shop's. Other than that i have no life and i have no friend's as i have a trust issue,so i find it hard to make a friend for that reason. I have a 22yr old daughter,but she is a drug addict and i really dont see her much as she just want's her drugs. I also have a 3yr old grandaughter but DHS took her away nearly 2yrs ago as my daughter was an unfit mother to her child. So it's really hard to cope with all this and more on my own with no support from anyone. Thx for listening.

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Old 12-07-2009, 06:54 PM   #2
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

I am so sorry! I don't know what to say....I read your post and feel strongly, to let you know I care, I understand...your not alone. Your family doesn't hate you for being ill! But understand what you mean. I am almost 42, and in a deep state of depression too...I think. A lot of what you discribed, is exactly how I feel, only I don't have a job, and never leave my home. You can talk to me if your interested.

Prayers, Tammy

 
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:06 PM   #3
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Dear Tammy,

How are you my friend???? Thankyou so much for ur very kind reply. Your word's were very comforting for me and made me cry as i thought i was the only person going through all of this. I'm very sorry that ur in much of the same situation as me. It really makes me sad that anyone should have to go through life,on a roller coaster ride all the time. We should be enjoying our lives but it never ever happens. yes i would like to chat more with you Tammy.
also where are you from ect!!!! Take care of YOU ok.

sincerly,

damaged.......
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:54 AM   #4
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

I am a very unhappy wife of 20 years, my husband treats me like the village idiot. I have two children ages 14 and 10. I live in Illinois, USA.

My depression started when I was very young, but I, and no one else recognized it as depression. As an adult, I have been on and off all kinds of meds. None of which seem to really work. I was phsyically, sexually, and mentally abused most of my life. Going from my abusive home of 12 years to a abusive foster home until I was 19. I have felt all my life that I was unwanted, un-needed, and unloved. I have a major trust issue too. Everyone I have ever loved has used or abused me.

I have nothing, my husband doesn't love me...my kids disrespect me, all my family think I'm crazy, and no friends. I live out in the country, so meeting people is hard...not that I really want to. So...I can sympathize with what you are saying. And I too am very sorry that you feel so deeply sad.

Two times in the past 6 months, I have written my kids a suicide note. I wouldn't go through with it because I don't want to leave them behind to possibly live the same kind of life that I had to live. Their dad doesn't want them, so they would end up who knows where. They are the only reason I breathe today.

I pray that you are having a good day...and that your family will show you the love you so need and deserve.

Blessings...your friend, Tammy

 
Old 12-08-2009, 11:16 PM   #5
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????



Dear Tammy,

Thankyou again for ur very kind reply. Im so sorry that ur so sad to,and im so sorry that you went through such a terrrible ordeal as a child. I truly understand as my daughter who is 22yrs old was sexually abused by her so called father from the age of 6mths and i found out when she was nearly 6yrs old. She is now a full on drug addict as she uses to block out the pain. I also understand about the suicide stuff as this time last year i had another attempt but was found
by my mother and she gave me cpr and brought me back. Bad move on her part,they should of let me go. Anyway im still here and have to keep fighting this as i couldn't do it as i need to be here for my daughter and grandaughter.
I will go now as i have worked today and am totally worn out as it was a big job. Look after urself and please Tammy if u need to talk please send me an email and i will get back to you ok. I am here for you please know that!!!!

sincerly,

damagedgoods41.....

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Old 12-09-2009, 12:03 AM   #6
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Please go see your Dr's for antidepressants as well ignore those who think you need to do more with your life and go out more, who cares? that's their problem! it is only going to get worse and there is SO much help out there. Also to the lady who has a horrible marriage, LEAVE, easier said than done right? well in the parts of the world we live in there is help and it will be a struggle at first, if you don't leave then maybe you like to live this way? that may seem very harsh but i have a belief that one lives only one life and that life should be lived as best as YOU can live it....you don't get another chance, you are only here once please leave it will be best for everyone. Trust me, been there, done that, it does suck but if you don't do it you wasted YOUR time on this earth.

 
Old 12-13-2009, 06:17 PM   #7
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

I can't leave, I want to but, first off, I am a co-dependent, I have never ever been on my own. I am use to the mental abuse, and although I am sad, have to do it for my kids. Like I said before, have no family or friends that give a crap if I live or die, I only have a high school diploma, and no job training. I havn't had a job in 20 years.

I don't have it so bad. I see on this lady's post that it could be far far worse. I wish I could do something to help her. I have a love in my heart for people I can sympathize with and a compassion for them as well. I just want you to know...(and I hate to use "damagedgoods" as a name for you)....that you are in my prayers...honestly

You are a very kind woman, and I can tell that you have a lot of love in your heart as well. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your story, you helped me understand that my problems are so very small compared to others. Hugs back...

 
Old 12-15-2009, 12:01 AM   #8
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Quote:
Originally Posted by ctnc1234 View Post
I can't leave, I want to but, first off, I am a co-dependent, I have never ever been on my own. I am use to the mental abuse, and although I am sad, have to do it for my kids. Like I said before, have no family or friends that give a crap if I live or die, I only have a high school diploma, and no job training. I havn't had a job in 20 years.

I don't have it so bad. I see on this lady's post that it could be far far worse. I wish I could do something to help her. I have a love in my heart for people I can sympathize with and a compassion for them as well. I just want you to know...(and I hate to use "damagedgoods" as a name for you)....that you are in my prayers...honestly

You are a very kind woman, and I can tell that you have a lot of love in your heart as well. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your story, you helped me understand that my problems are so very small compared to others. Hugs back...
Hello ctnc1234,
Thankyou so much for replying to me,you are so very kind!! Im truly sorry that you also have to suffer at the hand's of depression ect!! Can I ask why do you want to leave,but you cant?? Or are you scared to be on ur own?? You do not have to put up with the mental abuse,and you can be on ur own,it's better than being used and abused at the hand's of a "MONSTER" is the word for it. Im sorry but it makes me really sad that other lovely people are suffering like i am.
Please never be scared to be on ur own ok. Ive been on my own for about 8years now and dont want to be with anyone as that's my choice and i like it that way. I couldnt have a relationship if i tried, as i have no self esteem as that was taken away many years ago,im also to embarrassed to be with anyone as im classed as "damagedgoods" as in having a hysterectomy,loosing my bowel and now have a permanent bag-ileostomy and have lost both breast's plus more,so when i see myself all i see are scars from top to bottom and i hate them,i hate my bag even though it's been 9 yrs now but will never get used to it at all. Sorry im rambling to you and you dont need to hear all of this. To much information hey??? Anyway again i would like to thankyou very much and hope and pray that you have the courage to walk away. Look after "YOU" first ok.
sincerly,

damagedgoods41........:dizzy :
I HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:30 AM   #9
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Well gosh darn! you have every right to feel depressed I mean who wouldn't with all those unresolved issues. And a daughter with some serious issues. Do you think or do you know if your depression is situational or chemical? It is obviously chronic and I am so sorry you have so many bad days. I'm not so sure your family hates you...but then only you would know for sure but it is hard on people when you are medically ill all the time and depressed on top of it ...it is hard because they just don't know what to do anymore or say or gosh I don't know what the answer is for you but I can only encourage you to work on putting on a friendly face and try not to tell family about all your ills. Perhaps you do or don't ? but 'normal' people just have no clue but I'm not sure how you present yourself. Some people can sail through life with a dozen disabilities and the weight of the world on their shoulders and yet they always have a smile ....they choose to just do the best with the cards dealt. Your energy level must be low too so it is hard to have a positive outlook but really the life that is ahead of you is yours to live anyway you choose....Good luck. I too have to work on that on a daily basis because I have a very close family member that also has serious medical issues day in/out year after year...so it is me that has to work at having a positive attitude but it is important for me to be there so all I can say is I understand both sides.

 
Old 12-15-2009, 08:32 PM   #10
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD View Post
Well gosh darn! you have every right to feel depressed I mean who wouldn't with all those unresolved issues. And a daughter with some serious issues. Do you think or do you know if your depression is situational or chemical? It is obviously chronic and I am so sorry you have so many bad days. I'm not so sure your family hates you...but then only you would know for sure but it is hard on people when you are medically ill all the time and depressed on top of it ...it is hard because they just don't know what to do anymore or say or gosh I don't know what the answer is for you but I can only encourage you to work on putting on a friendly face and try not to tell family about all your ills. Perhaps you do or don't ? but 'normal' people just have no clue but I'm not sure how you present yourself. Some people can sail through life with a dozen disabilities and the weight of the world on their shoulders and yet they always have a smile ....they choose to just do the best with the cards dealt. Your energy level must be low too so it is hard to have a positive outlook but really the life that is ahead of you is yours to live anyway you choose....Good luck. I too have to work on that on a daily basis because I have a very close family member that also has serious medical issues day in/out year after year...so it is me that has to work at having a positive attitude but it is important for me to be there so all I can say is I understand both sides.
Hello AnnD,
How are you?? Well i hope. Just a thankyou for ur reply to me. I fully understand what ur saying about the family dynamic's but my family honestly dont care or even want to know anything as they are all self centered,selfish and money comes first before ur own sanity or physical state!! They just dont care and never will so i have to learn to deal with that. Also i went to my pdoc this morning as im at the point where i cant function properly from day to day. Anyway he has change all my med's and has put me on 20mg of ABILIFY for my bi-polarr11 so hopefully that will help. He also has put m on some hormone replacement patches called CLIMARA 3.9mg and fingers crossed it will help me until i see my GYNE next year as he is fully booked out until the new year. So hopefully with the change of med's and some hormones for my body thing's may start to improve with me and will get me out of this very dark place im at!!!
Im sorry that you have to go through so much with ur family member and truly hope that all works out for all of you. Also hope you have a very happy christmas too!!!! Thankyou so much again.
sincerly,

damaged......:wave :
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Old 12-16-2009, 10:16 AM   #11
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

I'm glad that your doc. has changed your meds. Praying they'll be just what you need.

I am sorry I posted all that stuff before, just was having a really sad day again, and needed to vent to someone. (your the lucky someone) I do appreciate your words of encouragement though. Thank you....please keep me posted on how your doing please. I care!

Hugs to you...and Merry Christmas

 
Old 12-16-2009, 06:37 PM   #12
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Hello ctnc1234,
How are you?? Better 2day i hope?? Please dont ever say sorry about having a vent about ur issues,if you need to talk my ear's are alway's open ok. Sorry to hear that ur not doing so well,is there anything i can door help with?? I feel so usless not being able to help other's that are also suffering. Also hope you have a very happy christmas and a new start for the NEW YEAR!!!!! I hope it's everyting you want and more.........

sincerly,

damagedgoods.......: bouncing:.
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Last edited by hb-mod; 12-28-2009 at 11:51 PM. Reason: Removed quote of the immediately preceding post. Please use Quick Reply instead of Quote Reply. Thanks.

 
Old 12-28-2009, 07:29 PM   #13
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Hey there goods...how was your Christmas? Was thinking about you today, and thought I would say hello, and hope your having a good holiday.

 
Old 12-28-2009, 08:14 PM   #14
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Hello...

I want you to know that I have read your posts carefully, and I would like to offer my support and understanding to both of you. Isn't this a wonderful place to find out you are not alone, no matter your health and personal issues?

I thought I would share my experience when I first came to the boards, feeling completely alone...after surviving 4 strokes at the age of 43. On the very first day, I responded to a thread from a woman my age who's mother had just had a stroke, and we started our friendship right there. We went on to post every single day for over 1 year, and we are now forever friends. Your instant bond and understanding reminds me so much of me and my friend. I can only wish you can both help each other through the tough times you are facing.

I'm rooting for you!

 
Old 12-28-2009, 10:17 PM   #15
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Re: My entire family hates me for being ill????

Hello! This is also my first time. I'm ill as well, dealing with a rare disease that causes all my organs to shut down. I'd like to say to you to please hold on. I know that each day is a struggle but you can make it through. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me anytime. I'd like to help if i may.

 
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