That's my life....always feeling sick, always soooo very tired. I'm 33yrs. old & have suffered with depression since I was a teenager. I go thru bouts of it being worse & then it will let up a bit. I had a little girl about 19mos. ago & just recently (in past 2mos) has my depression come back as strong as ever. I get so angry that I have this "issue" bcuz I feel like I'm constantly fighting just to make it thru the days instead of living life. What kind of life Is waking up in a.m. & watching clock for your little girls nap time so u can lay down (since I'm so tired all the time) & then dreading when she wakes up bcuz u have to entertain her & the thought of that when u can barely function to get thru days sometimes Is so overwhelming.
My hubby is patient & kind about it, but is the polar opposite & actually has a touch of ADD so he has no clue what fatigue & depression is really like. So I can't really talk to him & when I try to he automatically thinks I'm unhappy with him or something.
I've seen different therapists in past & usually can't afford to keep going. A few yrs. ago I had 2 miscarriages & went thru a severe bout of depr. & was basically in bed (not exaggerating) for 2yrs. I lost friends, lost jobs, lost hope. I want a job bcuz I crave the connections I had with friends @ work & think It would be good for me to work instead of being @ home with baby all day.....but from past experience, I'm afraid to get one bcuz when & If i'm going thru a bad bout, I can't get myself to go to work & then get fired or looked down on. Depression has been crippling in my life & I miss out on so much that life has to offer. I get so sad when I look into my innocent daughters eyes bcuz I feel like she got a crappy deal in life to have a Mom like me who has to fight to make it thru each day. I can hide it well,,,,I keep a smile on my face & I do make it thru each day....but it is so exhausting!!!!!!
I also have a problem with pill addiction. Have had chronic headaches/mig. since young & that lead to a pain pill add. about 7yrs. ago. Went to rehab & felt better then I've ever felt - but a few mos. into sobriety & I started to get tired all the time & began to fall into dep. again & picked pills right up again & still have issues to this day. I see a pain man. doc. who is trying to help me but I feel so low right now that I don't know how it is possible to get myself back out of this hole.
EVERY DAY I say to myself "your not going to reach for a pill when u feel down" but every day I reach for that pill bcuz I can't handle being in my own skin. Granted, I do have headaches....but at this point it's prob. rebound bcuz of my constant pill use (even OTC meds.) just to block the pain.
I'm angry that I have this condition & I look around at my friends & see them living a normal life & going out & doing things every day & for me....well it takes everything just to go to grocery store once or 2x a wk. It's pathetic.....I'm a young Mom & I should be taking my daughter to park, to visit other kids, etc. but I let my depression take over & hide in house instead.
I've got the crappiest friends who have made me feel horrible about my depr. & been insensitive about it (like making me feel like I'm just being dramatic & it's all in my head). I have no energy bcuz of the depression & I'm so sick of it. Days r so long & frustrating & it is no way to live life. And it's not like I feel like I've got better days ahead bcuz this has been going on for 17yrs. & I've tried every med. out there (currently on Lexapro 10mg).....Sometimes I think to myself that if this is how the rest of my life will be then crap, how am I going to make it & why was I even born. I'm not suicidal....tho I have been in past....but sometimes u just get to the point where your sick & tired of being sick & tired.!
Thanks for listening.
hi bella how are you?
I was reading a book on depression and it said about the type of people that are prone to depression and it mentioned that women with babys or very young children are very prone because they spend vast amounts of time alone in the house not seeing their friends and not having any brain stimulation and get into a very dull routine and with that the brain then gets depressed through lack of enjoyment.
Because you have suffered depression from an early age you can identify its feelings very quickly when they come so your threshold for getting it is low.
IF i were you honestly i would i would insist on quality time with your hubby ie nights out and trips away to take your mind off nagative things.
DITCH your crappy friends who put you down whilst hidind their own insecurities.
DO go back to work and if you get fired who cares i wouldnt worry to much and im responsible but just try it ok
Thanks OptiKid for writing....It does make a ton of sense that I'm very vulnerable to the depression coming on strong with my same-ol-same-ol daily activities. I want so badly to get out there & DO THINGS not just for me but for my little girl...but when I get in a cycle of feeling really down, I get really fatigued & can't get out of the house. It's a sick cycle really.
I feel like I'm a burden to everyone in my life. My Mom is the best Mom u could ever ask for & has truly been my B.F. my whole life....but I know I must wear her down sometimes bcuz I'm constantly up & down. She worries about me & wants to help but can't. And I feel like a bad Mom & bad Wife bcuz I can't get myself to do more & therefore sit @ home a lot. I have, as I said, an almost ADD type hubby who would never be home if it were up to him & thru the yrs. he's adjusted to me & stopped being upset with me when I do go thru these bad times. But that doesn't keep me from feeling guilty for being who I am & feeling like I keep others from a better life. Like I wish my sweet daughter who is FULL of energy (like her dad ...sometimes had a better Mom.
I want to look into going back to work...but right now I need to get myself a little more leveled out bcuz I don't want to set myself up for immediate failure bcuz I don't think that would be too good for the way I already feel about myself. Depression has made me a failure at most of the things I've tried in my life. I get so angry that I have it & wish I were other people all the time...which isn't productive, i know!!
The depression has also made me eat more junk which has made me gain more weight - and I'm assuming your a man & can't quite understand how us women feel about these things but I'm sure u have an idea of just how paralyzing weight gain can be for women....I say to myself "If i were only skinny THEN maybe I'd get out more bcuz I'd fit into my clothes in my closet" but then I get down & eat to mask the pain & it goes round & round & round.
I know I'm blabbing now & getting way off topic ...sorry. I really appreciate the advice & u taking the time to write me. I'm going to try to implement a few new things 2day that I've heard can help depression & go from there. I do know that I'm miserable enough now that I can't do this much longer so I need to do SOMETHING!!!! Thanks again!
hi bella again
You really can get out of all this torment ,you have to be clever ,patient and determined and you should want it so badly that it hurts.
I have noticed on this site the people that have beaten depression the sheer guts that they have displayed and the get up and brush themselves off attitude and to keep on fighting.
I will be totally honest with with you about depression and try and help ok.
Did you know that everytime we have a thought its accompanied by a feeling and when we say that we are no good and are a burden and the world is better off without us it is very destructive thinking because there can only be one outcome and that is feeling negative guilty and we dislike ourselves more and more and so the cycle carries on and we get weaker and the spiral drops further.
YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE CYCLE
Try and make the effort to go out for an hour for a walk or go into town and go for a girly chat over coffee and try and get into a routine of getting out .
if you have gained weight try and exercise a little honest you will feel better for it and to knowyou look good in a sexy skirt the depression will lift and you will feel confident
You have to want to get rid of the depression and if you want it that badly you can do it but make the effort to get out of the house
Hey Bella, You're probably not going to beleive what I am going to tell you, but I have to tell you anyway. My wife has went through nearly the exact same scenario that you are describing. When I read your post, I almost thought it was her writing it. Her life has turned around 180 degrees. As stupid as it may sound, your problems stem from vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Your best bet would be to find a good nutritionalist or homeopathic practitioner and find out what nutrients you need. If you can't do that, then I would start with a multivitamin/multimineral suppliment. Also, you should probable take about 5000IU of Vitamin D3, and additional 400mg calcium (Barefoot Coral Calcuim Complete is what I take) and about 200mg of magnesium. I got my life back with this. I got my wife back with this also. Our energy levels went through the roof. All of my allergies are now gone. I haven't had the cold or flu for 3 years. It sounds stupid, but it's real. It's relatively inexpensive. You have a computer, do a little research and you'll see. We get Vitamin D from the sun. You spend your life inside and your body has become very deficient of it. That alone is enough to drain the life out of you. Vitamin D and calcium are the most important on the list of things to take. Go to any search engine and look up "the miracle vitamin D", "coral calcium", "vitamin deficienies",etc.. Get your life back. Meds are not the way. They just make you sicker.
Good Morning Bella,
Like you I've suffered from treatment resistant depression. A couple of years ago my life was turned around with a Vagal Nerve Stimulator. It's like a pacemaker. They implant it and wrap the wires around your vagul nerve. The implant turns on for 30 seconds every 5 minutes. The electrical impulse on the vagal nerve stimulates the production of seratonin and dopamine Look this up on the internet and let me know if you have any questions.
Hang in there, there are non drug options out there.
Last edited by Pegala; 03-06-2010 at 07:26 AM.
Reason: tweak a detail
I read you are having weight gain issues. It's a part of this debilitating cycle. One problem feeds the other and it does nothing but get worse and worse. I made a post on another board about weight loss. It's a really long post and I don't want to type it again. I'm going to go there and copy and paste it here. I think it might help you out a little. Be right back with it.
Ok, here's my post from the weight loss board. It's a pretty long one.------------------- I know where you are coming from. I have been overweight most of my life. I've been on the weight loss rollercoaster forever. Diets are simply a joke by themselves. I've lost as much as 100lbs only to see it come back after the diet is over. Diets only work if you plan on staying on them for the rest of your life. And in 99.999999% of the time, that just isn't going to happen. I'm in my 40's now. It's an old saying but, I wish I knew then (when I was 17) what I know now. I accidently discovered the key to gradual weight loss and most importantly, keeping off the weight without being on any type of food restrictive diet. To make a long story even longer (lol), about 3 years ago I started feeling the aches and pains of old age setting in on the old body. I did some research on vitamin D, calcium, other vitamins and minerals, and colon cleansing. I decided to start with the vitamins and minerals. I started taking a multivitamin/multimineral suppliment (Rite-Aid store brand "Whole Source"). In addition, I also started taking about 3000IU of vitamin D3 per day. I also started taking coral calcium (Barefoot Coral Calcuim Complete). It took a couple of weeks for me to notice a difference. But the aches and pains were gradually going away. In just a month or two, the pain was gone. I also had energy like I had when I was in my 20's. A few months down the road, I realized I had lost a few pounds. Now, I hadn't been dieting at all. Trust me when I say, I eat whatever I want, when I want. It's been a little over 3 years now, and I have lost about 45lbs. I was 304lbs and now I'm at 259lbs. I now know that I could go on a diet and lose weight with the diet, but more importantly, I now have the tools to keep it off. I always wondered how those skinny people stayed skinny while eating twice the garbage that I was eating. Their metabolism's just ran faster that mine. I found out that if you give your body the vitamins and minerals that it needs to properly function, that your metabolism speeds up. This moves things through your system much faster and healthier at the same time. The vitamins and minerals also will fix many other things in your body that are out of whack. For instance, I had terrible spring allergies (pollen). For about a month and a half every spring, I was in misery. The first spring, after I started taking the suppliments, the severity of my allergy symptoms was cut in half. The second year, it was cut in half again. And this last spring, I had no allergy symptoms what so ever. This was huge for me, because I work outside constantly. Anyway, back to the weight loss. I did do a colon cleanse. It helped somewhat. It helped to increase my metabolism a little more. I know the vitamins and minerals really helped my wife too. She was having a bowell movement about once every three days. That has been a way of life for her forever. She now has two or three bowell movements a day. And there have been many changes in her as well. Weight loss, energy, attitude, and just a spark in her that hasn't been there for years. I can't be exactly sure which suppliments are doing the most good in my life, but in my opinion, it's probably the Barefoot Coral Calcuim and the Vitamin D3. Because every now and then I run out the different suppliments. I notice a difference when I'm off of the calcuim and/or the vitamin D for a day or two. I don't notice much when I miss a few days of the multivitamin/multimineral. But, I'm not going to quit taking any of them. I recently (2 months ago) did step up my Vitamin D3 intake from 3000IU to 5000IU per day. It actually stepped up things in my life another notch to the good. It sounds too good to be true, but all I can tell you is that it worked wonders for my life. Oh, and one more thing. I used to get the cold and/or flu about once or twice a year. I haven't had either of those for 3 years now. And I work constantly around the public. In hundreds of homes with people that have had everything from the common cold, flu, and many cases of the swine flu. It's almost laughable, I catch nothing anymore. Well, I hope this novel I've written helps you. (lol) I told you it was a long story. Good luck!
you have to get off the pain meds. When I was taking opiates, I was tired all the time too... not saying that's the only reason, but it doesn't help. It's hard to tell if the depression is endogenous or because your brain is devoid of endorphins from the pills. can you afford treatment again? your antidepressant will work much better if you don't take other drugs and alcohol etc.
Optimistic Kid, Pegala, and Digmusic offer some really good advice here. But, whichever path you decide to take, overall good healh starts with what we eat and put into and on our bodies. Our bodies are constantly fighting to keep us healthy. Our bodies require certain vitamins and MINERALS to function at 100%. The foods at the grocery store (vegetables, fruits, meats,dairy, and grains) have very little nutritional value anymore. When crops are grown in the same soil year after year, the mineral content is pulled from the soil into the plants. But after a few growing seasons, there's no mineral content left in the foods. Minerals are not being replentished into the soil. The foods we eat are pretty, but they have little nutritional value. We all wonder why diseases of all sorts are exploding across the industrialized world. Yet, when our parents and our grandparents were young, they were lucky if they knew of somebody with cancer or someother debilitating disease in the county. Now, there's not a family that hasn't been touched by these diseases directly and there's two or three terminal cases on every street block. The difference is that they grew their own food and/or it was produced locally. They had much better nutritional intake than we do now. And they spent more time in the sun. Yes, the socalled deadly sun (vitamin D). Now, all that being said. You may not have anything terminal wrong with you, but understand the role vitamins and minerals play in our bodies. I remember my wife before she started taking suppliments. She would stay up all night and sleep most of the day. She had no energy to do anything. She enjoyed keeping a clean house, but just wasn't able to do it. She couldn't play with the kids and go to their ball games or do much of anything. She had literally become a lifeless, depressed hermit. She was aware of it, but felt powerless to do anything about it. After begging and pleading she finally gave into the vitamin and mineral thing. It took about a week or two to start seeing some changes in her. But after about a month or so, the change was very clear. She began getting up and doing the housework. She even started going out to work in the yard. I came home one day and she had rearranged the furniture. Another month later, she was on fire and had repainted the living room. My wife has a great sense of humor that had been lost. It was back and there was a light in her eye that had been gone for quite some time. For years, all I heard was, "I'm so tired" or "I feel so sick". This was the way of life for her. That is a terrible place to be. Thats why I say, I know exactly where you are coming from. Maybe this ins't the fix for you. All I can say is, it worked many, many, massive miracles in my life. Feed the body the nutrition it needs to function and fix whats wrong first. You're going to be amazed at the results. God bless you and I hope you find your way.
First I want to thank all of u for taking the time to give me advice....I truly appreciate it!
Lyneteck: My Mom is a true believer in vit/min & finally talked me into getting onto a daily regimen about 6mos. ago. I take a multi, vit.D3, & B-Complex....but haven't seen a real difference - tho I will research the Coral Cal. u mentioned.& also look into upping the D3 tho bcuz your right....I'm not outside a whole lot & could be lacking seriously in that vit. The story about your wife gives me hope. Bcuz you are SO right when u talked about how food these days has NO nutritional value. And I'm right with u on how things were drastically diff. when my Grandparents were young. Diseases like MS & cancer were around but not in just about every single fam. like it is 2day!!!!! What can we possilby trace it to besides the food bcuz these days companys just want to speed up process so they inject crap into the food to preserve or enlarge it. I know I'm not eating right, I'm a sugar addict big time. When u r down, it's so easy to turn to sugar for comfort. I know without a doubt that If i change my eating habits that a lot of my pain & discomfort (mental including) will be aleviated. I've just recently finally hit rock bottom & decided I need to make a change w/my eating. I'm working up a plan to ween off sugar & crap & eat healthy. Thanks for your advice....I too, like your wife, have a great sense of humor & love to laugh & I want my daughter (and hubby for that matter) to see that side ALL the time, not just in bits & pieces. God Bless u also!
DIGMUSIC: I agree w/u....I know that pain med. is NOT the answer. It's a sick cycle of headaches/migraines, take med., feel like crap again, take med. again, eat like crap, feel like crap mentally, & then start over & over & over. Can't afford treat. @ all right now but am working on weening off stuff & going to do a make-over on eating habits too. I've just had enough & like I said "SICK & TIRED OF BEING SICK & TIRED". I feel like I live in a snow globe & just watch others living & loving their lives & I'm in such awe of them & wish I had the energy to get up & go. I love cleaning & I'm a very tidy person & this past yr. It takes all of me just to clean the dishes after dinner. Not being able to clean like I want just makes me feel less of a person every single day. Thanks for your advice - I'm sure I am devoid of natural endorphins & will be working on cleaning my system out. Meds. only mask the pain temp.
PEGALA: I'm so happy 4 U that u found help!!! Unfortunately, I have crappy ins. right now & doubt that I could afford to look into that kind of treatment. I'm waiting to get in w/a local doc. that specializes in Mental Health & Is affiliated w/UF (Univ. of Fl).....I put that off 4 long enough due to worrying about bills --- I'm hoping that a change in diet & lifestyle will help alleviate some of the depression.
Thanks again everyone! I hope all of u are feeling well!
I just joined today and I came across your post and almost thought I wrote it!! So scary-everything you feel, I feel. I have a 1year old son who I would love to hang out with and be active with more than anything--I am just sooo run down. I also feel as though he got a bad mommy. I have had severe pain problems as well-- I have IC and endometriosis and have had to be on pain meds for awhile--it is also the only time I feel somewhat normal. I also crave sugar, have zero energy and have been depressed since I was a pre-teen. I never smile and always wonder what the point of doing anything at all is??? I am amazed to find a post that reminds me so much of myself. I am so lost and dont have a clue where to even begin to get better. I really am so sad and sooo tired. I too dont even have the energy to do dishes--even though I hate a dirty house!! ALL I Want is to be pain free and to want to get out of bed in the morning and play with my son outdoors! What do you do to feel better, any suggestions would be great! ...hope you are well....and I hope yo hear from you!
Last edited by moderator2; 03-07-2010 at 05:46 PM.
Reason: posted contact info - please read the posting rules
Thanks for writing & for letting me know that there are others out there who feel the same way I do. There have been many times throughout the yrs. where I've truly began to question myself on whether I'm a horrible person for having to struggle to be happy & having to struggle to make it thru days at times. So many people in my life just don't understand depression & they ask me "what r u upset about?....everything is great with you". THAT only makes me feel like I'm being selfish & ridiculous for feeling this way....when in reality, I can't help it & it has NOTHING to do with life itself.
You ask what I do to get thru it....I'm not sure where u r spiritually, but I'm just now turning back to my higher power which is God for help. I used to be very close to Him & felt so much happier but due to letting life & laziness take over, I pulled way far away from Him & now I'm at my end & know that I have to lean on someone/something Higher then people/places/things (which will let u down) for strength. I'm not preaching by any means bcuz believe me, I've been extremely lazy about working on my spiritual health for like 10yrs. now. I guess I just had enough & was so tired of trying to feel better & in some cases I would feel better for a little while but then It would come back again.
I get SO ANGRY that I have this disease of depression AND chronic pain & I'm constantly looking @ my girlfriends who get up in a.m. & go & go all day long every day & enjoy life.....I WANT so badly to be like them. I always say I wish I could be reborn a different person bcuz life is so difficult living in this body & It literally is a CONSTANT struggle. Life shouldn't be a struggle...I've missed out on so much time & fun things due to my depression keeping me housebound. I yearn to be different but sometimes I don't know if i have the energy to fight this & win. I mean, I'm going to be 34 & I haven't changed yet so who am I kidding?
I don't want to be negative tho in this post bcuz I want to give u hope (i'm hormonal right now so bear with me .....and there IS hope. It just takes hard work & perserverance....which is hard when u can barely do dishes right!? But I guess u have to be done with it all & ready to do whatever it takes.
What kind of things have u tried in past to help? R U on an anti-depressent?