I've always been such a strong person, and have always been the one that solved everyone elses problems, but I just can't seem to do it for myself. I just feel as if I'm in a big black hole lol.. I've had a lot of things that have happened to me over the years, that I guess I've just coped with and said that's life and pushed it to the back of my mind. My father died when I was 16, and I only cried once. I could see how distraught my mother and brother were that I guess I just took over his role of supporting the family. Then I moved away to London at 17 following a guy that I was in love with, and ended up in an abusive relationship for ten years before I found the strength to leave. A year or so after leaving him I was raped, though I didn't know this at the time, it wasn't until a couple of years later after watching a programme about the date rape drug that I started to get flash backs, and realised what had happened that night that I couldn't remember. By then I had left London and had moved back to my home county. Then four years ago my brother died, he wasn't just a brother to me, it's odd but it also felt like the death of a child as I had supported both him and my mum for all these years. Then two years ago my partner left me for a 27yr old, and that was the final straw I guess and tipped me over the edge. I've dealt with all these problems in silence not telling my family because I didn't want to worry my mum. But now, I feel so alone.. Mum isn't good, she has recently had a major open heart surgery, so I can't give her any more stress than is needed, she knows that I'm on anti-depressants but we don't really talk about it. And I have one really good friend that I talk to, but I don't want to go on about my problems as she also has a lot going on at the moment in her life. I just feel so alone, like I'm drowning... Sorry, guess this isn't really the place to be talking about my problems, but I just feel so low.
I read your post and thought, “wow – someone else has out of control issues in their life”. I was wondering if you’ve thought of taking anti-depression meds? Sometimes they help us sort out our problems without those “snaky” emotions mucking things up. I don’t have any real advice, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and other people have lives that are upside down too.
I hope you find a way to cope and work through your issues. Maybe this board can be a start?
All the best,
oraya68........sorry to read about your frustrations, and your past losses. The old saying "only the strong survives", really rings true, doesn't it. Some more then others, but EVERYONE, questions their existence at one time or another during their life. Lord knows I've also had my share of losses, but I can only explain to you how I got through the hardest times of my life.
I pushed myself to feel the positive things in life. I focused on the good things in my life, even when I thought there were times when I asked, "what good things"? It's not hard to look around you, or even read stories of others who are living through a very difficult time and so many with much more difficulties then we are facing.
As often as you can, think of the good things in your life, and believe me, they are around you. Know you are someone very special. There is nothing more rewarding then helping others. If you could be a volunteer, or offer assistance somewhere, I promise you that you will indeed feel needed, for you INDEED are.
Wishing you the best.................
Last edited by islandjohnny; 04-23-2010 at 08:57 PM.
This is the perfect place to talk because you said you were worried about talking to others about your problems which could add to theres mainly your best friend. But here there are hundreds of members who use these section of the form you can talk to.
Like island said
The old saying "only the strong survives
you are clearly a very strong willed person. Because you have taken all these knock backs in life and yet you are still going and you tried to move on with your life. If it was me i would have given up on life by now and would just keep to myself and stay away from people and not try to find someone i can love but loves me as well.
Hope you mum recover well and as quickly as possible