My life just seems so messed up.
I've always been such a strong person, and have always been the one that solved everyone elses problems, but I just can't seem to do it for myself. I just feel as if I'm in a big black hole lol.. I've had a lot of things that have happened to me over the years, that I guess I've just coped with and said that's life and pushed it to the back of my mind. My father died when I was 16, and I only cried once. I could see how distraught my mother and brother were that I guess I just took over his role of supporting the family. Then I moved away to London at 17 following a guy that I was in love with, and ended up in an abusive relationship for ten years before I found the strength to leave. A year or so after leaving him I was raped, though I didn't know this at the time, it wasn't until a couple of years later after watching a programme about the date rape drug that I started to get flash backs, and realised what had happened that night that I couldn't remember. By then I had left London and had moved back to my home county. Then four years ago my brother died, he wasn't just a brother to me, it's odd but it also felt like the death of a child as I had supported both him and my mum for all these years. Then two years ago my partner left me for a 27yr old, and that was the final straw I guess and tipped me over the edge. I've dealt with all these problems in silence not telling my family because I didn't want to worry my mum. But now, I feel so alone.. Mum isn't good, she has recently had a major open heart surgery, so I can't give her any more stress than is needed, she knows that I'm on anti-depressants but we don't really talk about it. And I have one really good friend that I talk to, but I don't want to go on about my problems as she also has a lot going on at the moment in her life. I just feel so alone, like I'm drowning... Sorry, guess this isn't really the place to be talking about my problems, but I just feel so low.