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Old 08-17-2010, 02:35 PM   #1
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depressed, no der:(

had depression all my life, a manic depressive 10 year old...
you should've seen the looks i got at school, always been depressed, tried drugs but didnt work for me, tried a shrink but her idea was for me to go out and get a job and meet people.
stupid cow, didnt understand anything, probably got her degree off a cereal box, and the only way i have found to deal with it, is to ignore it by keeping busy.

had every hobby you can imagine, learning to speak french, russian and spanish. learning to play bass guitar, jaw harp, harmonica and the didgeridoo.
i paint, draw, knit, cross stitch, play on computers, anything to take my mind of being depressed and give me a moment of euphoria and happiness, no matter how short it lasts.

dont know what i am allowed to write on here or if it will get deleted, but i did top myself once when i got really bad and depressed. it was horrible, thought i would never do that again. but when you get really bad you cant think of anyother way.
sorry, didnt meet to get so dismal, could be worse, i suppose.
not sure how, but thats what they say...

 
Old 08-17-2010, 02:53 PM   #2
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Re: depressed, no der:(

You need to take this dismallness and depression and refocus it.Make it work for you,not you work for it.You sound very intelligent and seem to be one of those lucky people that can learn anything,but you have no dicipline or focus.Floating from idea and hobby to another.You have a choice.Life is all choices.You didt choose depression,but you can sure choose how to focus it and deal with it.Motivation is hard to pull out of the air,but it lives in all of us.It is in you somewhere too.Dig for it.Sometimes we find ourselves in a comfort zone,it works for us,and we want to stay their forever.But is it really working for us??Why do you say your therapist is stupid?Is she really??or was she saying things you didnt want to hear??She might have been a quack,I dont know,but sometimes we dont like to hear the truth from someone else,,or to think outside the box.You can get beyond the cycle of depression if you try.Try.You'd be suprised at yourself.Dont be judgemental on yourself or others.It is up to you to break this cycle and move forward in life.Educate yoursself on the newer meds and treatments out there.it makes one more depressed to sit around and crawl more inwards.Experience life around you.Out of all those thigs that you learned,is there one that really sticks out to you,and that you really enjoy above the others?If there is,make it a goal to focus on.Are you on any medications?See a doctor to get this straightened out.I so hope you feel much better soon.Dont give up on happiness and joy in life-if you reach out and seek for it,maybe it will bestow itself upon you.I think it will. :0)

 
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Old 08-17-2010, 03:16 PM   #3
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Re: depressed, no der:(

i was depressed coz i couldnt get a job with epilepsy, and i didnt have a job coz i was depressed and couldnt stop crying or get out of bed at that time in my life.
so having a shrink tell you to get a job and you wont be depressed anymore was very depressing in itself...

as for picking one hobby and focusing on that, i have tried but the worse i get the harder i find it to concentrate and retain information, i love learning new languages and listen to cd and read books on them all the time but they never stick. if i dont use it daily, it fades.
some kind of detatchment, i forget things and dont know why and i can talk for ages with people and the moment i look away i forget the conversation.
i used to be able to pick up anything.
i cant even rember my childhood or anything from before i was 18, blanked it out and i dont know why, and now i only have short term memory.
its kinda hard not to be depressed with a life like this, always looking to improve it and push past tho, i actually managed to get my sia door supervisors badge in november, cant do door work or retail as i have a social phobia of people.
i am hoping to get into static night security.

 
Old 08-17-2010, 05:14 PM   #4
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Re: depressed, no der:(

Oh,I am sorry.You need someone with an understanding of all your illnesses.A therapist is not supposed to judge you or force you into an uncomfortable situation in life.Work on healing you right now.When you feel better and gain more confidence then jobs can come along.see,the problem sometimes is the more we get isolated and cut off from the outside world,the more depressed we become.But also,if someone is already depressed,and trying to brake the cycle,it can be hard to recirculate in the outside world.Kinda complicated,but not really.Start out slow,and always remember that people are not judgeing you,so dont judge yourself either.Most people are very accepting of others.if they arenot,well,then they just arent happy with themselves.I think things will fall into place for you .Believe in yourself.The fact that you are reaching out is great.Maybe through this site,you can gain some insight to others dealing with the same problems and illness.Wishing you some happiness. :0)

 
Old 08-18-2010, 02:00 AM   #5
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Re: depressed, no der:(

thanks. fact is i think i might have a multiple personality.
sometimes i like being alone and not haiving people around me, dont want friends and just want to be left alone with my hobbies, other times i want someone to talk to and be with.

sometimes i am quiet and shy and keep myself to myself and become very isolated and depressed. other times i become very outgoing, forward and almost euphoric.
sometimes happy, sometimes sad, angry, passive.
they appear to be complete opposites to each other, i am there but its almost like i am watching it happen, not sure which i prefer as they both have there ups and downs.
do you think this is the start of a pslit personality, i used to talk to myself as a kid and created a second me in my hand to deal with my problems by seperating them and putting all the negative into him. think he might be getting stronger tho.
cant quite find a happy medium between the two of us, he even changed my name, not that i mind as i never liked my old name.
maybe i should see a shrink, do you know how it works, do i go to my doctor and ask them to see a shrink or do i tell the doctor what the problem is?

 
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