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Old 08-26-2010, 11:31 AM   #1
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Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Ok let me begin by saying I am a guy and I am the one crying all the time. I have three wonderful children and a great wife but I just can't shake this feeling of life spiraling out of control. My wife stays home with two of our children (our oldest is in school) and I just recently got laid off from my job. I did find another job but not before the bills started piling up and we got behind on our mortgage. We are filing for homeowners assistance but i am so scared of losing our house and failing my family. I have depression to begin with but lately it is just overwhelming. I have been to so many doctors asking for help but ultimately nothing has worked.

Just a little history and I don't want to bore anyone but it helps to put things in place. I have suffered from OCD and probably ADHD my entire life. My father is an alcoholic and my mother is probably bi-polar, and soon after I turned 21 I started self-medicating with alcohol. Later i became addicted to my ADHD medication and pain pills. After pretty much hitting rock bottom I have managed to quit drugs and alcohol and stay sober, but the cost has been great. The trust with my wife was greatly hurt, I wasted so much time being high that I will never get back with my children, and my feelings of self-worth sank to an all time low (which was never much to begin with). I just cry all the time now, SO much guilt and self-hatred. I must look pretty strange driving down the road crying my head off. I was in a store today getting parts for work and I barely got out of the store before I was bawling like a baby.

I have been on Prozac, Zoloft, Abilify, Wellbuterin, and Cymbalta (not all at once) but nothing has really worked. My wife and I have started going to church which has helped but just not enough. I never used to cry this much. I love my wife and children so much and I want the best for them, and I want so much to be happy. Why is it so hard?

 
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Old 08-26-2010, 12:14 PM   #2
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Hi,

I don't have any answers because I am in a similar situation. My eyes stay red most of the time. Maybe it is good we can cry...maybe not crying is worse?

You sound like you have been through a lot but you are trying to rebuild your life. In comparison to many who won't take responsibility, I applaud you.

 
Old 08-26-2010, 01:01 PM   #3
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlabamaGirl2 View Post
Hi,

I don't have any answers because I am in a similar situation. My eyes stay red most of the time. Maybe it is good we can cry...maybe not crying is worse?

You sound like you have been through a lot but you are trying to rebuild your life. In comparison to many who won't take responsibility, I applaud you.
I am so sorry for you, I don't wish my situation on anyone. I read some of your other posts and I hope we both can get better. I get tired of crying but maybe you are right maybe it is all part of the healing. I think about how much damage I must have done to my body with all the drugs I used... I can't imagine what I look like inside. Maybe it's better that I can't see inside.

People are always saying "get help" but I have tried so many different doctors and spent so much money in treatment that I just can't do it anymore. I have to pay bills and put food on the table and I just can't spend all that money on myself.

Each day I count the hours until i can go to sleep, and then the night goes by so fast and it's back to morning and all my troubles again. I don't let my wife see me cry, i have put her through so much and I know she worries all the time just as I do but someone has to be strong or at least pretend to be.

 
Old 08-26-2010, 01:40 PM   #4
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

I tend not to think about what's inside as a result of my poor choices. What can we do about it beyond changing what we do today? Enough of the world beats me up everyday, I certainly don't need to help them out.

I get why you don't want your wife to know how you feel. Only you know when to tell her and what to tell her. But remember - she's your partner in life.

I tend to hide out a lot. I spend several hours a day on my bathroom floor because it is the only place I find peace. In fact, right now, I am waiting for three people to leave my house so I can go hide out. I'm listening to them flirt with each other instead of working and want to SCREAM "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE." But, I'll pay dearly for it so I wait.

Ever tried journaling? It REALLY helps me get those feelings out and often helps me see things in a different way. The scary thing is when I get so depressed and/or angry that I can only get the dark side of life and cannot find the energy to cope. A lot of good things don't cost a dime.

Just keep talking your way through it....

 
Old 08-27-2010, 06:58 AM   #5
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Well here I am back at work another horrible night. I probably cried for about 45 minutes straight last night, just holding my daughter and my son while they were watching Clifford. My daughter at one point was like "Daddy why are you crying?" and I said "I'm just sad honey." I have got to pull it together. I have never been this bad before. I am so worried about losing my house, my wife, my kids, my life. I sweat all the time, then my stomach hurts, then i cry, repeat. I am afraid that I am going to wind up dead either by my own hands or by heart attack. Perhaps these are panic attacks but how do I make them stop?

 
Old 08-27-2010, 08:26 AM   #6
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

I had panic attacks for years. I am not a doctor so don't substitute my advice for theirs. However, I learned that two things helped me (1) to tell myself over and over when I was in a panic attack that "I a having a panic attack. It will pass. I will be okay." (2) trying to recognize the symptoms right before an attack started and have a mental list of things to do which might help change things before one starts. (Mine includes things like prayers, taking a shower, a cold cloth to my face.)

Hope this helps!

 
Old 08-27-2010, 11:13 AM   #7
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

I'm not sure what to suggest except to offer sympathy as I'm going through pretty much the same thing myself. It has gotten worse the last couple months. I finally mentioned it to my doctor & got a Rx but then was scared to take it because of all the awful side effects and I can't take Rx that mess with my mind. (no narcotics, etc) Anyway, I spent all the way to work crying yesterday (over absolutely nothing) & sat at my desk and cried awhile (no one noticed...isn't that pathetic??). So I finally started my Rx & in a couple hours I actually felt better. Now I won't say I feel all giddy/bubbly or anything (not my normal personality anyway) but I don't feel like crying all the time and depressed. Right around the time I turned 38 last month everything seemed to fall apart financially, a friend died, now I'm depressed about my neighbor's grandson is starting high school & how great that he has his whole life ahead of him when I feel like mine is virtually over. We chose not to have kids but honestly now I kind of feel sad we didn't have them. At first my husband was very supportive but finally he told me I needed to get over it.

I'm taking the generic for Sarafem (which is the same ingredient was Prozac) and sounds like you have already tried that. Only bad thing is that I seem to have insomnia which was listed as one of the side effects.

I'm not sure what else to suggest other than to keep trying. I never expected to find myself at 38 & be falling apart like this. Seriously I thought I was going through a mid-life crisis or something. But all it took was me starting my Rx & I feel better & more in control already. I can tell it's definately working for me. I hope you are able to find something.

 
Old 08-27-2010, 09:29 PM   #8
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Depression has many different forms and stages. I went from a stage where I was highly emotional to a place where I felt nothing at all which was literally hell on earth as you question constantly your own mortality and the thought of living in a black cloud the remainder of your life was not pleasant. It is essential that you are constantly fighting against this disease or it is just going to get worse. Medication, exercise, therapy, diet and anything else that can lead to something positive needs to be explored. When people talk about depression the majority are talking about a bad week or two and it will take a couple of sleepness nights and a box of tissue to get over but when you enter the realm of major depressive disorder it becomes a war and unfortunately it can go on for quite some time. The last five years I have been on dozens of medications, spent way too much time on the psych ward, hours of therapy and even agreed to ECT. As long as I am fighting I am moving forward and in the end that will make all of the difference.
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Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Generalized Anxiety Disorder

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Old 08-28-2010, 10:32 PM   #9
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Men do cry so you do not have to be ashamed of it. I have felt and sometimes I still feel what you are feeling right now and it is not a good place to be. However, from what I read on your post you have endured many things that some people would have never survived. Yet, even when you did not came out unscathed you were able to pull through.

That accomplishment tells me that you have the strength to recover. You do not say for how long you were on each medication, remember that some of them require from two to four weeks to begin to work and sometimes it is a process of trial and error to get the right medications at the right dosage. You can also try a combination of medication and therapy, which is more effective than each one by itself.

Do not give up, I know that it is easy to say and sometimes I just want give up too but that path leads nowhere and you have to be healthy for your family and above all for yourself.

 
Old 08-30-2010, 07:52 AM   #10
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Re: Guys aren't supposed to cry all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by jc197039 View Post
Men do cry so you do not have to be ashamed of it. I have felt and sometimes I still feel what you are feeling right now and it is not a good place to be. However, from what I read on your post you have endured many things that some people would have never survived. Yet, even when you did not came out unscathed you were able to pull through.

That accomplishment tells me that you have the strength to recover. You do not say for how long you were on each medication, remember that some of them require from two to four weeks to begin to work and sometimes it is a process of trial and error to get the right medications at the right dosage. You can also try a combination of medication and therapy, which is more effective than each one by itself.
Thank you to everyone who replied. It makes me feel a little better to know 1) that I'm not alone with this issue and 2) that there are good caring people in this world. I wonder how you were able to feel better and climb out of the pit of depression. I really appreciate your words of strength, and it made me feel better. Thank you!

One of the hardest things about dealing with depression and anxiety is that in these economic times who has the extra money to try different doctors and many of the medications are too far out of reach cost-wise. I was on each of those different medications at least 6-8 weeks to try them out, i know that because i would get a few weeks of samples then would fill 1 prescription. I think I would really benefit from Xanax except for the fact that I would probably get addicted to it and create a whole new problem.

 
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