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Old 12-24-2000, 06:23 PM   #1
JDL JDL is offline
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Dating problems

I haven't been on a date in 1 1/2 years. The last five dates were just 1st dates. I have had no luck meeting people. I sort of don't care anymore, but that is just depression. My conversational skills are in the toilet, at least I think. I'm not sure where to meet people. I'm 26, engineer, 5 foot 8 inches tall, I don't think a bad looking, I'm thin though.
I don't care for Clubs, bars.
In college I went out with a couple girls, but that was it. For the most part I wasn't any good at it. Now that I am working, I don't even have any prospects.

What do I do?

 
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Old 12-24-2000, 07:26 PM   #2
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Re: Dating problems

Hi. Somehow you must find the confidence in yourself to attract the opposite sex. Women like confident men. You may want to see a doc or therapist for depression. Also, if possible I would read 'Feeling Good' by David Burns [Cognitive Therapy] which is changes in your thought patterns. It may help you. It's an excellent book. [I got it on Ebay for a few dollars].
Good luck.
Joy

 
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Old 03-07-2001, 10:55 PM   #3
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Re: Dating problems

I read some of the more recent messages and a lot of the people are dealing with feelings that seem a lot worse than anything that I have had to deal with.
I feel bad for them, but it kind of makes me feel that things are not that bad for me so I should keep on going.
I hate that saying misery loves company, but there could be something there.
I understand every thing you said and have you beat. Hopefully my pain will help you feel hope.

I have never been on a date, and never had a close friend. I have no conversation skills and never go to bars and I never dated in college. I am also thin and 5’ 8”. I think I am funny looking. I am not hideous but not attractive either. I am almost 30.

 
Old 03-08-2001, 02:50 AM   #4
 
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Re: Dating problems

Hi JDL:

I must be your clone... my story is so similar. I'm even an engineering student, not sure if I'll finish it, or when... damn depression.

You seem to suffer of chronical depression. You are so tired that you don't know what to say, and what you really want is to be alone, close your eyes and not to think, right? if that's it, join the club.

I've had a few relationships, but I always put an end to them... I could not handle the effort to act like you are a nice guy, it takes away all the energy you got left. I need a relationship, I need love and I need sex, oh yes, I sure need them all, but the truth is I have nothing to offer, I am so tired, that only someone who understood how I feel and respected that would be good enough.

In the mean while, I'm just waiting and looking for a cure... only then I will have the strenght to face the stress of a relationship. Love is wonderful, but you have to give as much as you take, and I don't have anything to give at the moment.

Hope everything goes well, have you tried medication?

 
Old 03-08-2001, 11:27 AM   #5
 
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Re: Dating problems

Hi there,

I think step number 1 would be to get some help for your depression. If you are feeling better you are naturally going to want to get out and do something. I find that depression affects our apperance. Since I have been depressed doing my hair, putting on make up, getting dressed is just such a challenge. Lately, I go out with the bare minimum. Sweat pants and all. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

Have you thought of joining a gym or some other kind of club where you will be doing physical activity? Exercise helps with depression and there will be plenty of women for you to socailize with. You are right about bars, I don't think anything meaningful comes from these places. What about work? Can you meet women there? Well, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea if your business is small.

As for your conversation skills, is this because of your depression or are you shy? Either way, this would likely fade if you were feeling better... You could always try to meet some women through personal ads or here, online. You never know, Love is out there, somewhere.... <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">

Tommorow the sun will shine,
Angie

 
Old 03-08-2001, 06:53 PM   #6
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Re: Dating problems

HMmmmmmmmmmm dating. See I am 19 female and never dated a guy. When I was in highschool I had phobia's of them. I got picked on a lot as a kid and always by guys so I just figured they were all trash. Anyway now that I am older and changing my life I am interested in them but can't seem to win anyone over. Not even for a date. I guess I'm just waiting for it to be in gods plan. Although I wish it would be soon. I can't say that anyone wants to be alone. But right now I am discovering god and it's kinda amazing what can happen in your life when you open yourself up to that (hopes no one gets upset at me for stating that) Anyway We ALL have our physical features and ALWAYS will have them. WE can be overweight and lose it or skinny and bulk up but there will always be something about us that we don't like. It's presenting the most confident person we can and allowing people to see into our soul that will allow the opposite sex to fall in love with us (that's my take on it anyway) With time it will come. At least you can say you are 25 and had some dates and not that you are 19 and "never been kissed"

Kim

 
Old 03-09-2001, 12:46 AM   #7
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Re: Dating problems

Hey, do you like depressed females? 'cause a lot of them are posting the same as you. Sorry, I just wondering if any of you have thought of getting together! I'm not trying to make light of your problems, because I'm single too and I know what kind of pain you're in. actually, I sound like I might be a lot like Kim, the previous post. I'm a 19 female, no "real" relationships. I feel like kicking my own a** because I had some nice prospects in high school, but I managed to think of something wrong w/ every guy or I thought that they were geeks, and I really missed out because now I'm about 80 lbs heavier and none of these guys would even look twice at me now... not to mention the fact that I'm schizo-affective and hear voices... I'm sure that that'll keep all the rest away, too, because that's just not something that you can keep from someone for a long time. I would just love to have a guy who can deal w/ my illness and my weight (220 and gaining baby!!) sometimes I think that inanimate objects are real and have thoughts and feelings, and I thought that one of my plants, Todd, would seriously be depressed if I left it, so I took it over to my parents' house for thanksgiving, and they thought it was a gift... then when I tried to take it back home w/ me, I looked like a major b****... (sorry about the lang.) I even got away w/ taking it to work and leaving it in the office before people started to say stuff... I still have him, too, right next to the computer. I know that a lot of you are wondering if I'm for real, and I am. I seriously am crazy. But maybe I do stuff like that because no one loves me... And what this has to do w/ your dating dillema, I don't know... but we all have our flaws. I have two major ones, one physical and one upstairs. The guy I have a major crush on is 55, and I'm so obsessed w/ him. And like Kim, I just recently found Jesus (and Kim, don't worry if people get mad that you posted that! You've got someone who'll stand by your side forever.) so my life is changing, but I'm so confused right now. I've gotten over the plant thing, but I'm still attached to it in a way... Sorry I got off on this tangent...
Helene
ps thanks for letting me vent.<p>[This message has been edited by Bulb (edited 03-09-2001).]

 
Old 03-10-2001, 01:29 AM   #8
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Re: Dating problems

I got myself a dog to keep me company. See but I live at home with the rants and well it's a siberian husky and the FUNNIEST thing is. That when I walk him no one really notices right but when my mom who looks like me even only shorter walks him all the guys my age run up and are all over the dog and chatting it up with my mom. Do I have a sticker plastered on my head that says STAY away or something. Hey at least my dog loves me. tee-hee

 
Old 03-10-2001, 08:57 AM   #9
 
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Re: Dating problems

Bulb:

I'm really curious about this, what do this voices say? Is it frightening?

I don't hear them (yet)... but I wanna know...

 
Old 03-10-2001, 11:14 PM   #10
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Re: Dating problems

Hey ups and downs. I know how you feel when you say at least the dog loves me. I am absolutely certain that if I didn't have my cat, I would literally go off the deep end. That's how screwed up I am inside... My cat is trying to eat one of the flowers off my cactus right now...it's cute, but I love that cactus like a baby. I was so proud when he started blooming.
to need info, it's pretty freaky having hallucinations. Hearing voices is kind of like having a dream, and knowing it's a dream, but when you wake up you don't know if it was a dream or whether it happened. You're probably thinking, OK, I didn't know that someone could be messed up enough to think of something like that... no wonder she's crazy! it's not like I hear someone talking, not really... but if the radio is playing or I'm blow-drying my hair, or if there's a loud but normal background noise like that, it'll seem like the machine is talking to you. I don't dry my hair anymore because whenever I did, I would hear it tell me to kill my sister. At work (as a cashier at a fast food rest. I just started this job because I got fired from my other one for being too slow), I sometimes hear people's souls screaming for me to save them.
Sometimes I hear demonic voices telling me to do bad things to hurt others (like leaving work during lunch rush), and sometimes I'll be driving down the road and think that I'm having a conversation w/ someone, and I'll just keep talking and talking like someone's there.
I don't want to scare you, but I didn't hear voices a year and a half ago. I thought that I was pretty normal, but depressed. I was diagnosed w/ dysthymic disorder, and now I have schizo-affective disorder. I feel as if I'm just getting worse and worse. I'll post more on this if you want me to!
Helene
ps thanks for listening

 
Old 03-11-2001, 12:10 AM   #11
 
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Re: Dating problems

Thank you Bulb, I hope it gets better soon.

Couldnt it be any meds that you had for dysthimic, that caused the halucinations?

I've heard about bipolars, who had halucinations as a withdrawl of some ADs

It sure looks scary

 
Old 03-11-2001, 01:24 AM   #12
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Re: Dating problems

I never had them until I started w/ zoloft, now that I think about it. I've had some hallucinations and some times when I was all out psychotic and couldn't stop screaming and banging my head until I passed out. I think that I had it already, but meds may have made it worse. Don't be scared, though, I don't think you can just develop it. I think that it's something that you have already, and then when it gets worse, that's when you notice it.
Helene

 
Old 03-11-2001, 09:29 AM   #13
 
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Re: Dating problems

have you ever checked your blood pressure during these halucinations?

Did you had a feeling of pressure in you head before or after it? (Like an headache that didnt hurt) Or a real headache? Migraine? something like that?

It could be a lower blood pressure that cause you the halucinations due to the lack of oxigen in you brain...

Zoloft is supposed to inibit the production of serotonin, and serotonin has a big weight on blood pressure...

I'll get back to you later, I want to do a research about the dopamine effects of zoloft, and check in my psychiatry books.

I've heard about halucinations on bipolars (who shouldn't have them), I cant remember exactly if she was on celexa or luvox...

 
Old 03-11-2001, 10:45 AM   #14
 
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Re: Dating problems

Ok, I've been checking, it can happen, they say it doesnt have a high dopamine effect but there were some cases...

Did the halucinations stoped after you quit having zoloft? Did you mixed it with other meds?

Here's a quote from mentalhealth.com

Psychiatric Disorders:
Infrequent: Abnormal dreams, aggressive reaction, amnesia, apathy, delusion, depersonalization, depression, aggravated depression, emotional lability, euphoria, &#0124; &#0124;&#0124; &#0124;&#0124; &#0124;

 
Old 03-11-2001, 03:24 PM   #15
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Re: Dating problems

JDL,

You are not alone. I am in the same situation as you. I just try to take it one step at a time though. I try to go out as often as possible, even if its just to the gym or the supermarket. I turned 25 recently and I now more than ever feel like I have to get my social skills on par. I really would like to have a girlfriend right now cuz that is one huge part my life is missing

I know it's not easy, to meet people, especially if you don't have great conversational skills, but I would suggest just start doing more social activities and things you enjoy you can do where other people will be around. If you have to make new male friends and maybe thru them you might meet a nice girl. Just take advantage of every opportunity.

Even if you have to do something you aren't crazy about like clubbing. A friend and I did this lastnight and it didn't workout but at least we gave it a go. I think if we went again we'd have better luck. Keep the faith!

 
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