Well another Christmas has come and gone. And again, I spent it alone. I envy most of you out there. Most of you have spouses, children, or loved ones you can spend the Holiday with. But I'm not as depressed as in years past. Hopefully my meds have something to do with this. I still felt empty yesterday. Everything was closed. Families near me spent time with one another. Nothing on TV to watch except for rerun Christmas shows. I did drive some yesterday, just to get out of my house. Just once in my life I'd like to spend my Christmas with someone I love.
What family I do have are at least 500 miles away. I don't know my two older brothers (16 and 18 years older than I), and my oldest sister doesn't even acknowledge I exist.
I don't want sympathy or pity. I'd just like to know if anyone else is going through what I went through yesterday. I'm sure many of you can understand these feelings. I just want to know if anyone else out there spent their Christmas alone like me.
this year was my first christmas completely by myself, my fiancee having left me last month. i didn't get out of bed until real late, even though i hardly slept. no excited smiles as she unwrapped my gifts, no sitting close by the fire. just quiet, empty.
i mostly just watched the minutes tick away, wishing they would go faster. i hope this year ends soon.
Hi. What's worst is having ur family around and yet feeling empty and alone. I spent my Christmas in my room most of the day, reading books, looking at photos and writing in my journal...listening to music, watching tv. I did not even bother driving out coz I know there's nowhere to go... I am having holiday blues and generally, a hard time. I am hoping this too shall pass soon. I am not feeling so well. My mind is always wandering about my failures, my future and stuff. Too many things I need to do and yet too little energy to act on it. Most of the time, I just feel trapped for as long as I live with my parents, I really do not know why but I just feel like I cannot do things and be my real self while I am with them. I love them much but I am growing older and it feels so bad to know that I am still under their roof. Too many issues to mention but I am really having a hard time right now.
You certainly aren't alone. I frequent several message boards and all of them have people on them talking about being alone at Christmas. I also have a father in law and grandpa who also are alone at that time and are prone to becoming very depressed over it. You sound like a nice person, there has to be someone out there who would appreciate seeing you over the holidays. I wish we could get some of these people together somehow.
Thank you all for your response. I just wanted to add that I don't know that I was depressed as much as I felt an emptiness inside. Unique, I have been where you've been in years past. The worst part was as I was growing up, our house turned into a pigsty. Until I moved from home, I thought that alot of people lived like us. And the messier the house got, the less we would celebrate holidays. I think the last time we had a Christmas tree in the house was when I was about 7 or 8 years old. So celebrating Christmas has never been a pleasure for me. I also remember two years where we were so poor that we did not have gifts (other than clothes). I hate that I grew up this way. I'm not upset or mad at my parents because they also were having health problems while I grew up and could not do much. The job of working around the house was left to my older brothers and sister. Of course the boys moved out ASAP, except for John, who had severe epilepsy. But my older sister (6 yrs older), should have been more helpful. This is the same sister who no longer acknowledges me, probably because I'm gay and she is so closed-minded.
I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. After writing this, I feel so much better. I pray that we all have a better NEW YEAR!! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
Simby, Thats exactly what I was thinking, a soup kitchen or somthing like that. I never have volenteered cause I have a disabled kid and have to be there but I would love to do that some day. I would get so much joy from that (more than I get from spending Christmas with my parents). It would be a day full of smiles. Good Suggestion!! <p>[This message has been edited by JustNat (edited 12-31-2001).]
Hey Mirco---you can volenteer other days than Christmas. People are served meals every day at soup kitchens. You oughta check it out. I bet you would smile a lot there. And smiles always feel good <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif">
I did too. I moved away from my family this year , my father died and the man I was engaged to for 3 minutes and loved more than anything died in frioint of me yet miles and miles away (9/11) after hanging up with me. It was awful but I got through it ok. I got up and waited for my son to get up then had some friends come over for dinner.So maybe not totally alone but sure felt that way. I have always had a huge family christmas and felt like a greedy whiny baby when I was sad without it considering so many people are without loved ones this year, I had no right. So I knew it wasn't so bad. It was hard regardless though. Its another year and I am looking forward to it, new beginnings.<p>[This message has been edited by Mepoopsy (edited 01-01-2002).]
Micro, I wish i'd looked at your post earlier. I was alone at Xmas too and at new yrs. It brings up issues for me too. I hope to someday get out of this environment and create more positive surroundings so I can spend Xmas with a positive decent loved one very soon. All I attract during the year are the leftovers of other people, all the decent men are quickly taken up and the ones who are left probably shouldn't date but I've dated them and tried to fix them. I stay away from these types of men now but I'm very alone. But at least I am not alone in being alone.