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Old 12-24-2000, 04:14 PM   #1
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vancouver girl HB User
Question to parents


I am approaching my late 30's soon. My biological clock is ticking, and I am wondering if I should have children. I have suffered from depression all my life. I am thinking that if I have a child it will somehow change my life, and it will bring me the happiness I have been searching for.On the other hand maybe it is not fair to a child to have a mother with so many problems.
My husband says"You have a hard time taking care of yourself as it is". When I think of the future I am afraid to be old and alone with no children. I am not a very happy person-I am wondering if any one out there who suffers from depression who has children can offer some advice? Thanks bye for now and Merry Christmas

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Old 12-24-2000, 06:29 PM   #2
joy joy is offline
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joy HB User
Re: Question to parents

Please get yourself totally together before you have a child. It is too much of a burden on a child to expect that little person to make you happy. [That's from Dr.Phil on the Oprah show], and it's good advice. Talk to a therapist or see the right doc and get yourself in better mental shape, and then make the decision. I wish you the best.

Old 12-25-2000, 01:49 AM   #3
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lorij HB User
Re: Question to parents

my one son has inherited my depression, i raised my children all those years not knowing what was wrong with me, they are all grown now but i just found out what i had about 6 years ago and truthfully, it was a bumpy road raising them. it's hard on my husband dealing with my depression & probably was on my kids too. think twice, it's not easy to raise kids even without depression. that's just my experience, you have to make your own choice.

Old 12-25-2000, 06:09 AM   #4
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dreamer HB User
Re: Question to parents

Good advice from all here

To be or not to be.......
That indeed is the question.
you my never really "get yourself together" not fully. Not really sure anyone really is. But love does over come anything, if this is what you want, just use those two little words and "DO IT". Yes there are concerns, yes your depression could be in them, yes you could have(will have) problems.But if this is what you really want in your heart,go for it. Just don't do it( I think) for the reason that it will bring this or that into your life.Do it cause theres a deep need inside of you.Do it cause you want to bring a life into this word. There is no greater gift we can offer.

To be I say

Old 12-25-2000, 02:30 PM   #5
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clouds HB User
Re: Question to parents

hi im in bellingham closeby i think. bible says happy is those that have children . id have them now and worry later

Old 12-25-2000, 07:41 PM   #6
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Re: Question to parents

Well, I hate to be the Scrooge here but if it was up to me to set rules it would be very hard for people to have children. They would have to:
Take a 90 hour course in child care.
Take a 30 hour course in financial responsibity toward your child and his future.
Work in Child care centers, starting with infants and up through pre-teen for at least 30 working days in each.
Last, spend at least 8 weekends at Juvenile Detention Centers talking and listening to kids.
Then if they still want to have children, GREAT and more power to them and at least they will be trained, prepared and more apt to be able to give the lifelong love and support that a child needs.

Old 12-25-2000, 11:46 PM   #7
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Catriona HB User
Re: Question to parents

Vancouver girl--

Do not go into this without careful consideration and planning. A child is not an object you buy at the shops, you cannot return him/her if you feel you made the wrong decision. It is for life.

I feel that if you think you have enough love to give him/her, then you can do it. But if you do not think that you would be able to love him/her don't do it. It is not fair to bring a child into the world without the love that s/he deserves.

Also, if you would like a child and think that you have enough love to give, don't let your husband make you feel you cant if you know you can. Do not feel bad because of something someone else has to say about you. Suffering from depression is bad enough without that.

Good luck

Old 12-26-2000, 04:41 PM   #8
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This is Jen HB User
Re: Question to parents

Don't have kids if you are depressed.....if they get depression you will blame yourself....I know this b/c my mom blames herself (I am 17) and told me that she wanted a child and was selffish in her decision since she didn't think about how my life would be. I dont think it's that bad, but she carries alot of guilt.

Old 12-26-2000, 07:05 PM   #9
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clouds HB User
Re: Question to parents

the above wastosee if i had the right password ------ i say bull! we live in a wimp age , i say have as many kids as you want. then again im schizoid and i do nothing at least i dont have a job. it does seem hard having kids , but if you want tonow then have kids , just because something is hard doesnt mean its not worth doing . we live in a age where everyone nit picks , think of all the stuff they went through on the oregon trail or indians living in teepees hounded by custer etc ,yet they survived , do what makes you happy . and im pro life anti abortion , im not a liberal

Old 12-26-2000, 08:40 PM   #10
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Re: Question to parents

Hey Clouds,
I agree being pro-life and all but having a child is a very serious thing. The commitment and consequences are lifelong and it is very hard sometimes to have and give a child an enviroment and the love needed so that that child has a fair chance in this hard world. Thats all I was saying.

Old 12-27-2000, 06:21 PM   #11
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Karla HB User
Re: Question to parents

It is very hard taking care of my 3 children ages 15, 15, and 12. Days I don't want to get out of bed. Who will do the laundry? Who will clean the house? Who will cook the food? Who will shop? Who will pay the bills? If you have a baby, who will change the baby, feed it, bath it? Some days I don't want to exist much less deal with anyone. I don't know about you. It may be selfish but is is the facts and a part of depression. It isn't fare to think your husband or someone else will do it all. Just thoughts.

Old 12-29-2000, 11:30 PM   #12
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2Curious HB User
Re: Question to parents

I am a mother of 4 and also suffering from depression. Here is my advice to you.
1.) Follow your heart. If having a baby is what is going to make you happy then do it.
2.)Baby's are alot of work but they are worth it and the rewards that you will get is like nothing you'll ever experince in your life.
3.) They can bring you happiness but be prepared for the 3am feedings and diaper changes.
4.) Kids are tough work and it is a thought that you must really think through long and hard.
5.) they do bring alot of happiness
Hope this helps..

Old 12-30-2000, 02:29 PM   #13
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Re: Question to parents

Hey Tricky,

I would change that from 90/60 hours to 90/60 days.... <IMG SRC=""> or a whole class semester so to speak.

Old 01-31-2001, 06:55 AM   #14
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sferg HB User
Re: Question to parents

Have children! I have been chronically depressed since I was 10 yrs. old, but not treated until I was 22. I went through both pregnancies while taking nortriptyline with not adverse effects to myself or my children. The most difficult part was the third trimester, but it is difficult for every woman. Just make sure that you have your depression well under control and good support systems in place and you'll be fine. I to am concerned about the possibility of passing on this disease to my kids but their fathers genetics also play a part, hopefully they get more of his geges than mine in regards to mental health. Good luck Vancouvergirl.

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