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Old 06-08-2001, 04:43 PM   #1
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unique HB User
Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Summer is coming....So many activities, so many parties and events coming up and I really want to go out and have fun....but not alone. Everyone is with friends and I do not have any to spend time with. I can pretty much live alone going to some occasions but not on some occasions and parties....So sad. I used to have friends....I do not know what happened. And I really miss the feeling....I still have acquaintances but its just not the same....I like it when you can just call someone to hang out or when you have to trade secrets, that girly stuff you know. I miss it. I have been alone pretty much for years. There are so many things I want to do, places to go and people to see but I am alone. I am a pretty nice person, I just do not know why I do not attract friends well enough....they sort of come and go. I lost touch with the friends I made in the past and it still hunts me...Just venting...Really pretty sad feeling when you just have to say no to invitations or chose to stay home than watch fireworks or watch a concert or go to the disney by myself...just because you do not have company to go with....I really want to go but not alone...I would just look like a fool. Oh well, so much for that. Am I the only one feeling like this??

Q

 
Old 06-08-2001, 04:51 PM   #2
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elijah HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Unique, if I lived a little closer, Id hang out with you sweetie!

Hugs,
Elijah

 
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Old 06-08-2001, 05:14 PM   #3
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Lottie HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Yep - I know so much how you feel. A bit like tonight really - it's been a lovely summer's evening but nowhere to go - no one to go with. I do have friends, and they do ask me out, but they are all couples - mostly with kids. I do go out with them and really value them - but sometimes it just makes me feel even lonier. I'm not doing too well at making new friends at the moment -

All I can say is 'hang in there'. I believe it will get better for me and I believe it will for you too. We'll get our sunshine eventually!

Hugs
Lottiexx


<p>[This message has been edited by Lottie (edited 06-08-2001).]

 
Old 06-08-2001, 05:21 PM   #4
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elijah HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

I feel like a tag along when I go out with couples. Thats part of why I stay in a lot.

Hugs,
Elijah

 
Old 06-08-2001, 05:28 PM   #5
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unique HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Most of my (ex)friends have their bf and or husband now.....so they vanished. They forgot about me when they suddenly have this "company". What can I say? Its life.

Q

 
Old 06-09-2001, 12:10 AM   #6
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Bulb HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Hey Unique,
Hey, who needs friends when you have the love and comfort of VH1? j/k
This seems to happen to me a lot, too. I say go alone and plan to stay just 30 minutes. you may meet some new, good friends, and people won't think that you're a snob because you won't go to their parties. If you just go for 30 minutes, tell whomever invited you that you had something planned w/ your family from 3 months ago, but you wanted to see everyone so bad and you can't miss this party, etc. It will make that person feel really good about herself, too. But when you stop by, don't say something like "oh, I was so bored so I decided to come," etc.Then if you decide to stay, (no kidding, but I actually did this once... except for the fact that my parents didn't know where I was going and thought that I was just walking the dog for an hour and a half, but I just went home, told my parents that I was going to study at a friend's house that I walked by when I was walking the dog... <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> ) I did it this way because I was uncomfortable w/ the group of people because I barely knew them, I was a quiet little freshman (and so was the girl who invited me) but it was mostly seniors and people out of school, lots of drinking, and I heard that there would be weed, but there wasn't (I wouldn't have stayed, lol...) sorry. but if you decide to stay, just pretend to call your mom or whoever you said you had plans w/ and "cancel" them. I know that sounds really nerdy, but it works! And then whoever was there will think it's cool that you canceled your really important plans to hang out w/ them!

If this sounds like too Jan Brady of an idea, don't be afraid to go alone to parties. When you feel uncomfortable, just tell them that you have a huge test tomorrow, you have to go because you have to get up early, you're tired, you have a head/stomach/back ache, etc.
But if you don't go, call ahead w/ an excuse. But if you call out too often, don't return calls (me), etc, people will stop inviting you, no matter how good the freind, unless you let them know about your depression. The same thing happened to me, but at the time I was also working 40 hours a week, going to school full-time, and handling a law-suit, so people understood why I couldn't do anything... but although they understood, they stopped calling and asking me to hang out. I have a new group of friends now, and it's happening again...
My other advice, though, would be that if you're going to someplace where you have no one to hang out w/, it may not be best to go unless you're really great at making friends. Today, I had to go out of town because my friend's grandfather was really sick, and we stopped at a McDonald's, and there was a Los Taco's down the street, and all these busses were parked at McD's, and all the students were walking to Los Taco's, and there was this girl in the back walking all by herself. We thought it was so sad... If you do find yourself alone like that, don't act all sad like that girl did... At least keep your dignity and grace, and hold your head up, and you'll start to like to be alone.
And if you're bored, just go to the mall or something alone. I've found that if you're busy (shopping, cleaning out your purse, people-watching, etc), you'll start to feel confident about being alone.
I hope this was at least a little helpful. Actually, I'd settle for it being at least a little coherent... j/k
Helena
ps I'd hang out w/ you, too! And you can always come to us if you need a friend.

 
Old 06-09-2001, 07:27 AM   #7
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elijah HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Anyone who would abandon you like that is not a friend, unique. I know there are people out there who would love ya for who you are. I wish I knew everyone here in person. Though I dont think the internet downplays friendships in any way- these are just as valid.

Hugs,
Elijah

 
Old 06-09-2001, 09:03 AM   #8
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unique HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Thanks for all those who replied. I am comfortable being alone doing some things like shopping for instance or going to the gallery, taking walks to the beach or park, taking pictures (I love photography!), but not when you have like a party or picnic or a concert to attend to....that is just too much for me to handle. I feel alone and sad <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> But that does not show when people look at me...I do not walk like a sad, poor face, I still manage to look confident and all, its just the idea of being alone while others are not you know.

Bulb, how do you manage to go to school full-time and go to work full- time??? That is super busy!! But you must be determined and all to do that at once <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> I can do it maybe if I just do not get tired easily...

Elijah, thanks for your words of comfort. I know it sounds like I have had poor friends who are not worthy being called as friends...but I really had a good time with them way back then. It was cool.

I have to pull myself together. I am trying. And will keep trying. Thanks for your unending support guys <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

Q

 
Old 06-10-2001, 10:40 PM   #9
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Bulb HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Hey Q,
you sound a lot like me! You're probably thinking "geez, can this get any worse? Bulb can indentify w/ me!" j/k I honestly don't know how I did work, my suit, and school full-time. I just kept going, and going, and going... I even got a 4.0, but that was the fall semester. I really started to slide downhill for the spring, and my psychotic symptoms were really getting bad. I'm trying to get back in to the swing of things now, although my dr wants me to wait until October... But I don't want to stay at my community college forever... lol
Helena

 
Old 06-11-2001, 04:04 PM   #10
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elijah HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Unique,

I know you will find friends quickly! Because you have determination and a positive attitude.

Hugs,
Elijah

 
Old 06-11-2001, 05:08 PM   #11
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Join Date: Jan 2001
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unique HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

Thanks, Elijah and Bulb. I do have acquaintances but I do not have the kind of friends I can really share my interests with, you know. I want to be able to enjoy things with people I enjoy being with. Call it ugly but I usually do not hang out with a lot of people because of our differences....I am very meticulous with friends.....I may talk and joke with them but not hang out with them. Some do not understand. They misinterpret it as snob, or afraid....well, the later might be somewhat true. I am afraid of anything I do not enjoy. But I am working on that one. Life is an adventure, I know.

Later.

Q

 
Old 06-11-2001, 07:48 PM   #12
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Join Date: Feb 2001
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kristis2 HB User
Re: Too many things to do....no friends to share with.....

I too have lost my friends!Not because of anything bad really,they were negitive people and being around all that negitivity was crushing my spirits!I have a few close friends who I have been friends with forever,but they have their own lives and don't have time for me that much!Just a suggestion,join a depression group,you'll meet tons of people who are going through what you are and are probably in the same boat!Good luck!Kristi

 
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