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Old 01-25-2001, 09:23 AM   #1
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Location: Dearborn Michigan USA
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Melissa33 HB User
What now??

Depression..what is it?? Does it ever go away? I have been married to an emotional abuser for 10 years..I have three kids under the age of 8. I just turned 34...I am still depressed...on meds..go to therapist...change and improve what is wrong...still not doing much better..my health has been bad for the last 14 months starting with severe depression leading to being off work...then neck disc herniation..surgery.....off work for a total of 14 months so far...going to Codependents group sessions, taking meds, talking, changing, nothing is working.....people at kids school won't talk to me afraid if I'll start crying...basically a shut-in with my three-year old watching Nickelodeon until my husband comes home.....we travel, we visit, we go out....not helping.....feel sad, very sad.....alone and helpless.....computer is only used little...hurts to type and sit...thanks for letting me vent!

 
Old 01-25-2001, 03:44 PM   #2
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melody HB User
Re: What now??

Melissa,
You mentioned that you are in therapy and that you are on meds. Are your meds being prescribed by a GP or a psychiatrist? I was initially prescribed antidepressant medication by my internist and he was very conservative on the dose and it wasn't enough to help my depression. I recently began going to a psychiatrist and she is trying to get a better medication mix for me.

There are lots of people on this board who seem to have had some improvements in their depression through a combination of factors. I think yours (and mine) can get better too. Keep posting and vent all you want. Lots of people here care so you aren't alone.

 
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Old 01-25-2001, 10:23 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: West Texas
Posts: 114
TrickyDick HB User
Re: What now??

Hey Melissa,
Melody has some good points there. Just because you are recieving meds and going to a doc does'nt mean its the right meds (if they are not working and you have been on them some time). And therapy...? There are so many doctors,therapists,councelors and quacks. I went through a bunch before I found the right doc and the right med.
Don't give up, get tough with your doc and tell him your difficulties. If you don't like the answers go somewhere else. You can have your records transfered.
You mentioned an abusive relationship. That is tough, real tough because you need that support. Maybe he needs counceling himself.
I know your trying to be brave and thats good but you need more help. Please try and get it if possible.
Come back here anytime and keep us in touch with whats going on. We will try and help in some small way.
Peace

 
Old 01-28-2001, 07:29 PM   #4
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Melissa33 HB User
Re: What now??

Thanks for listening...I am currently on Zoloft 100mg have been on Remeron, Neurontin to deal with sleep.....My hubby will not go to a counselor again....he's sneeky and very smart.....we went to marriage counseling three time for about 6 months each time...He went to counseling for Violent Outburst Disorder and they released him..he is cured, so he thinks....I am tired of trying the relationship...it is futile but I don't know what to do....I must be pretty materialistic for my kids, they have always had what they wanted....If no hubby no one pays bills but me and then no icing on the cake..extra money...I've left three separate times taking everything with us....leaving him with one plate, one fork, ect...I always come back eventually......I need to decide and stick with it...depression is at worst when I'm under stress...thanks, Melissa

 
Old 01-28-2001, 07:48 PM   #5
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TrickyDick HB User
Re: What now??

Hey Melissa,
Sounds like you got yourself in a box. The only advice I can give you is not to do what I have done in past relationships (argue and fight). Because it only makes it worse. If you have decided to hang in there and your hubby is not going to change then the only thing you can do is change your "attitude". Now don't misunderstand me here. I don't mean change your attitude for HIM, but to change it for <B>Yourself</B>.
You ever hear the expession "Make the best of a bad situation"?
Thats basicly what I mean. Even if the only thing you can change is your attitude you will benifit greatly from it. You can also change a few other things too.
Take better care of yourself, take more time for yourself, do things that you enjoy or at least give you some relief. A poor example would be to take an hour to take a bath instead of 15 minutes. You would like a good massage, so go do it, do it twice a week if he can afford it. Find something that relaxes you. For me its gardening (I suffer in the winter). But, if your going to hang you have tomake the best of it.
We hope that you will keep in touch with us and let us know how its going. Let us know or just come back and vent..Yell,scream and terrorize the board if it make you feel better. We can take it (I think).
Peace
P.S. I'm the world champ of making the best of bad situations...I have to be, I got myself into so many.
P.P.S. I almost forgot to mention something very important, Your Children. I know you are concerned about them also. Please don't do like I did and make life harder and more confused. Adults need to remember that kids need to feel security and consistenisy in their lives. Take time with them (as I know you do) and make sure they know that they are loved by both of you and that nothing will ever change that.

[This message has been edited by TrickyDick (edited 01-28-2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by TrickyDick (edited 01-28-2001).]

 
Old 01-28-2001, 08:31 PM   #6
joy joy is offline
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joy HB User
Re: What now??

Hi. What about a womens' support group, either through your therapist, or friends or acquaintences? This may be helpful for you to vent and discuss things, and give you emotional strength. All women should be mentors and friends to each other; not competitors. We are strength in numbers. I am many years older than you, and believe me, my dearest friends and I have all 'became the men we always hoped we'd find'. Try a women's support group; it will give you strength to change your response to things as they are, until you can change them; and you will change them one day. {This is by no means male bashing; there are some really great guys out there, believe me!] I really wish you the best. You need support.
Joy

 
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