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Old 12-31-2000, 01:45 PM   #1
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New Year's Eve

Hello! This is my first time on the new boards. I don't know how I will survive tonight. I hate New Year's Eve. I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am 22 years old. I have never let any love into my life. I have always been afraid to let someone in. I don't take chances. I want to take chances but don't know how. I don't know how to put myself out there. I haven't heard from my friends in days. My family has plans. I will be alone. I won't watch the ball drop...won't be awake. Why bother? How can I survive this night? How can I survive my life?

 
Old 12-31-2000, 02:08 PM   #2
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Re: New Year's Eve

I know I hate New Year's Eve too. It is so depressing. However, it is the last day in a string of holidays. Now that is something to celebrate.
I am sorry you have trouble letting love in your life. I know the feeling. Putting yourself out there without protection is probably the hardest thing in life--at least for some of us.
You said you haven't heard from your friends. Why don't you call them? I know that when I was depressed i withdrew from everyone. I actually still withdrawn, but slowly trying to get back.
If you don't have plans tonight. Do something nice for yourself at least and try and pretend that it is just like any other day. Once you get passed tonight, NO MORE HOLIDAYS for a while. Like I said, that is something to really celebrate.

 
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Old 12-31-2000, 03:19 PM   #3
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Re: New Year's Eve

Alexis,

Thanks for replying. Ya see, I have been trying to get in touch with one of my friends for 4 days now. She still hasn't called back. I refuse to chase people down.
I just don't get why sadness had to find me. Not that I wish it on anyone but I just can't deal anymore. I want a love in my life so bad right now. I went out the other night and just wanted someone to want me. I am not the type to fool around with people but at the same time I don't put myself out there. I waste my time waiting for some man to come and wisk me off my feet and save me from my life of despair just like in the soaps. I live in this pathetic fantasy world because it helps me get through the day. Now here I am and nothing is helping. My life is just pathetic. I pray every night that tomorrow will be different. What can I do to make myself happy. I will die inside before I let my life actually begin. There has to be someone out there. Right?? I am just beginning my career as a teacher. I know that that is what I want for my career. Starting at the bottom sucks. I am a teacher assistant and can't take the "paying my dues" crap. Nothing in my life is the way I want it. It is useless. I have to find a way to turn my life around...I just need some help beginning. It means a lot to know someone replied and does relate to this. I don't know what your plans are for tonight but I have to find a way to not let this night destroy me. The way I am feeling is that it is too late.

Jenn

 
Old 12-31-2000, 05:49 PM   #4
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Re: New Year's Eve

Your the Jenn from the old board right?
It seems you have been "sad" a long time, most of your life.
Thats a terrible way to treat yourself. You should respect yourself more.
You should not keep doing things that make your self sad or sadder. You have to take charge of your life, take responsibilty.
I forget if you have tried meds. If so, you are not on the right one or the right dose.
Sometimes people get into the habit of not being happy or being "sad", it gets to be an addiction or habit. In order to break out you are going to have to make some hard choices and decisions. No one ever said life is easy or fair. Life is tough and sometimes unfair but it is up to each of us to try to make it the best we can. If that best is not what we want we have to try harder.
Staying at home and being sad is only going to get worse and effect everything you do including being a teacher.
You don't want to earn your dues? Well, sorry to say, most people don't but thats just the way it is.
Start your new year out with a resolution that you will try to have a better life,that you will get out there and work toward haveing a life you want.

 
Old 12-31-2000, 06:02 PM   #5
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Re: New Year's Eve

I really do appreciate people responding. I just seem to be stuck right now. I was doing well for a while. I am on prozac. I think I am going to go back to my social worker. I have been sad a long time and I hate it. I don't stay home all the time. I do go out. New Year's Eve seems to get the best of me. I agree with you when you say that "being sad" is an addiction. It's almost like I have no other choice. It is too safe. Does that make sense? But, I do know there are other choices. I really have to find a way to take chances and make choices. I have to find a way to get over my fears and let the world see how much good and love I have to give.
I know I have to pay my dues with my career. Doesn't mean I have to like it.
I guess right now my resolution should be to go back to therapy and get on the right track again. I also feel writing here helps me a lot. Writing has always helped. I should start to do that again too. Find time for my life. Give me strength to find myself. Give me strength to break down the wall.

Thanks for listening (or reading)

 
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