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Old 12-09-2000, 08:00 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: usa
Posts: 17
clouds HB User
depressed hermit

you think youre so depressed im beyond depressed im deressed x100, i dont work , im on ssi gov disability , i dont know why im writing this , what good does it do , i played guitar but its sat in case so long i forgot the color of it. im 47 never been narried and too tired to do anything , and they say im schizophrenic , idont know if i am , igot ocd , i have no social life and i dont even think i need one ,i guess im a hermit, other times i wanted all the things others go for , now i only survive, if that,. then the friend i met on internet was sucidal and they say he is in jail or mental hospital and i cant help him because i cant find him ,.

 
Old 12-09-2000, 09:07 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Iowa
Posts: 10
kyle4267 HB User
Re: depressed hermit

Clouds, I have some of the same probs you got. I to am disabled and on ss. I hate it bad. I mean really BAD! The only thing that has kept me alive is my kids. They are young (4 of them). This all happened to me about 4 or 5 years ago. I'm 36 years old and I'm a physical wreck. They say the farm chemicals did it to me but can't prove it. Thats a shame. I could at least live comfortable if one of those chemical companies would take responsability. But I wouldn't know where to start. The heck with it I just can't want for much in life. I only worry about the kids and my health.(whats left of it). So I know how part of you feels. I do have a very nice girlfriend thou. I'm very lucky to have someone like her in my shape. Beleive it or not she was my nurse during one of my many hospital stays, thats how i met her. Cool huh? You need someone. It would help greatly. I couldn't live without her now. It would brighten your day too if she came home to you everyday. It does me. Don't give up look around, heck I didn't think anyone would have me in my condition's. You noticed condition is plural. I have alot to be depressed over althou I try not to sit around and feel sorry for one's self. That definetly doesn't do you any good beleive me. Write back and tell us more I know I would be glad to hear from you. Sorry about your friend I hope he or she is OK. Keep in touch. Write back please I'm hear to listen not just talk. Bye

 
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Old 12-09-2000, 09:33 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: long beach, ca usa
Posts: 12
Olivia HB User
Re: depressed hermit

To clouds and kyle---I'm not on disability but I don't have a job because I got fired for calling in sick too many times. I can't show up for life with this damn depression. I'm on unemployment, go to computer school when I can show up for it. Some days I just can't bring myself to leave the house, answer the phone or do anything except to lay on that stupid couch and watch those rediculous court and talk shows. Other days I feel pretty good, go to the gym, grocery store etc...talk on the phone to friends. I find it really hard to get together with friends though because I never feel good enough for that. What would I talk about for all that time? I just can't seem to be that interested in anything. Do you guys feel like this?
Olivia

 
Old 12-09-2000, 09:51 PM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: West Texas
Posts: 110
TrickyDick HB User
Re: depressed hermit

Hey guys and girls...
Did you ever feel like it was raining when its not...
Did you ever feel like your heart was broken and it was...
Did you ever feel like your life was over and wish it was..
That is part of a county and western song that I used to listen too back a few years ago when I was really down in the dark places in my mind where I could not even see any reason to be or to go on.
Meds helped me find a little ray of light and I used that to light the way to start the long climb out of my dark damned place that I had fallen into. As I climb now, the ray of light is brighter and I keep telling myself that I deserve to get better, that I
will get better..I have to grit my teethe and shout at my self in my mind to quit feeling sorry for myself and to try harder to get up and out and do what needs to be done. Some days back then I was so proud of myself because I had cleaned a little part of my place or had actually fixed bacon and eggs and toast. Or that I had made it down to the trash dumpster and taken out my own trash......man I look back and get scared by how far down I was. I was so ashamed and felt so worthless because I had lost my job and could'nt work. Then I lost my last parent (my Dad) and that is when the bottom fell out. I did'nt think anything else could happen to me to make it worse..and you would know it, it did..I lost the love of my life, she just could'nt hang in with me with all my problems and depression. I was a basket case and I don't blame her. But that was the last straw and I fell even deeper into my own little hell. My kids live out of town and both have their own families and problems and they were not aware for quite a while that I had problems. When they did find out, they visited as much as they could.
and that helped some. They told me they still depended on me and if I did'nt get better that I would be letting them and my grandchildren down.
So....all of that said..all I can say is that if you put as much effort into getting well as you can each day and try and do somthing good each day it will make a difference. Everyone needs to make a difference no matter how small or unnoticed.

 
Old 12-09-2000, 11:11 PM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: usa
Posts: 17
clouds HB User
Re: depressed hermit

not having a check from goverment or someplace would be worse , can you get ssi soon?orcan you get some check from your goverment? are you in usa?, i wonder if part of the problem is this culture , its so fast paced , fast computers cars , tv , i hate tv the stuff on there is bad except some of it, maybe 90 years ago people only lived an averagre of 50 yrs yet my grandfather didnt marry tilabout 50 , now its like if you are not married and divorced ten times youre a nobody . society has gone mad i think the book BENEATH THE WhEeLL by hermann hesse , on notes it says it was a terifying buiorgios society , that was about 1910 , now its worse ,now its insane ,of course then they didnt have goverment checks i guess <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Olivia:
<B>To clouds and kyle---I'm not on disability but I don't have a job because I got fired for calling in sick too many times. I can't show up for life with this damn depression. I'm on unemployment, go to computer school when I can show up for it. Some days I just can't bring myself to leave the house, answer the phone or do anything except to lay on that stupid couch and watch those rediculous court and talk shows. Other days I feel pretty good, go to the gym, grocery store etc...talk on the phone to friends. I find it really hard to get together with friends though because I never feel good enough for that. What would I talk about for all that time? I just can't seem to be that interested in anything. Do you guys feel like this?
Olivia</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[This message has been edited by clouds (edited 12-10-2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by clouds (edited 12-10-2000).]

 
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