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Old 06-08-2001, 01:37 AM   #1
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Location: Black Jack, MO, US
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ChrisA HB User
Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17

About a year ago I thought that I was in love with this girl. We were together for about a year when she told me she was pregnant. Because of our ages and after talking it over with both sets of parents we decided to have an abortion done. All in all the abortion really affected me and we never had sex again. I guess you can say that I was very shaken up by the fact that I killed my own seed. We had a very hard breakup about 2 months after we had the abortion done.

Well now it's about a year later and I've been with this PERFECT girl who I care for a whole lot. Now I am ready to have sex again. The first time we tried to have sex it was on my birthday. I was erect all during the foreplay but when it was time to enter her I lost my erection. Man was I embarrased. I explained to her my situation with my ex girlfriend, and she was just so understanding(keep in mind that she is only 16). She never mentioned anything about it and was so caring for me for the rest of the night when we went out. This really made me fall for her.

Well anyway, after a couple of repeated failed sexual encounters, I became extremely distressed. I even talked it over with my parents. My dad tried to explained to me that it was perfectly normal what I was going through and I should just try to relax. After I told him that I have been trying desperately to relax(even tried meditation) he offered me some of his viagra. Man was I happy. I just knew this stuff was going to work for me right? Wrong. 3 times have I tried having sex on viagra and 3 times have I been left alone crying myself to sleep. And tonight it happened again. I just don't know what to do. Right now I feel like just giving up on sex, but I feel like in doing so I will lose my current girlfriend. So this is my last resort. I desperately need you guy's help. What am I doing wrong? I just can't seem to overcome my nervousness. It's like that everytime I try to enter my girlfriend my heart starts POUNDING and I lose my erection. I can tell that this is starting to affect our relationship.

What am I doing wrong. I was told that taking viagra on a full stomach would reduce the affects so I take it after digestion. Could it be that I am working to hard? This last time we tried to have sex it was 4 hours after football practice. Was this a long enough time to let my body rejuvanate? Are there any alternatives that I should look into? Please guys I need some help, this is really tearing me up. I am way to young. I feel as if I am missing out on a big part of life and it is frustrated the hell out of me. Any suggestions/advice is needed and greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 06-08-2001, 07:24 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: gentry mo usa
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earame HB User
Re: Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17

You're too nervous, in being nervous it takes all the blood flow from youre memeber.

It happens to alot of guys at different times in thier lives. Depression can also play in the game on this one too and fear. Not fear of sex but fer of being hurt.

Honestly I think youre pretty lucky seems you have a great girl that is understanding and youre "little guy" seems to be looking out for you too. About can't beat those odds. lol

Viagra isnt going to help if its fear or nerves or depression. You just have to take youre time and when it's right itll happen. <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">

 
Old 06-08-2001, 08:40 AM   #3
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krissy26 HB User
Re: Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17

Chris-
You poor dear!!! Sex is a complicated thing, and no matter how much you may want it sometimes, the subconcious plays tricks on us. First, I wouldn't be taking viagra. You said you have a sex drive and are able to get an erection, so I don't think you need it. Your father was trying to be helpful which is wonderful, but Don't use other people's prescription meds. He may be larger than you, hence he would be on a higher dose. It's wonderful that you have found someone you are crazy about. She sounds very understanding, and I think building on that will help your problem. If the night you were going to make love to her was the first night you mentioned the situation with your ex, you still have some talking to do. Have you both discussed birth control and what actions you would take if she did end up pregnant? You seem responsible enough to have sex, but there may be some consequenses you are not ready to handle. Until you are willing to handle the pregnancy possibiliy, or at least disscussed what you will do, you may not be able to actually make love to her. Suggestion: you said you can maintain an erection during foreplay, right? Have fun with that for a while. There are plently expressions of love besides the penetration!!! Maybe when you are totally relaxed and not expecting sex, you soldier will be ready to rise to the occasion.
Much love,
Kris

 
Old 06-08-2001, 09:40 AM   #4
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Seasonastic Mood HB User
Re: Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17

Ok coming from a different experience, but similar in some ways (and of course my being a girl). I didn't believe in sex before marriage. However, I have a completely overactive sex drive, and I messed up once with my boyfriend. It doesn't seem like a big deal but my religion is everything to me, and I go by what the bible says very strictly "Neither fornicators, drunkards.. etc... will not inherrit God's kingdom.." Mt 24. I was devoustated afterwards, I wanted to die, I thought I failed life etc... And then I ended up doing it again. I went to my church and told them what I had done, thinking I was going to get expelled, and they decided not to, but just to take away some of my privilages, and put me on private reproof. I still felt guilty about it, and I should have just excepted I was forgiven and moved on, but I couldn't. Each time I would get close to someone, I would get scared, I started seeing sex as a really bad bad thing. Which isnt right, it's supposed to be something good, that 2 people share when they love each other. I took time, and I was able to not see it as such a bad thing, but it took a lot of time of being with someone I love. Maybe that is what you need. Pressure isn't good for sex. I am still waiting for marriage, in a way I get to know the person I love a lot better not having sexual feelings get in the way. Plus it will be guilt free. It's not easy by all means, but sex isn't something you perform, it's something you share that is as intimate as you can get with the person you love. Maybe your conscience is bothering you about the abortion. But even if you know it was a mistake, you're going to have to forgive yourself because you can't change the past. I am against abortion because of religious beliefs, but, no one is perfect, and if you make a mistake and you wont make it again, it's okay to forgive yourself. Remaining in clean conscience has been the only way I can truely be happy. I know we have different beliefs I am sure, but maybe before you focus on sex, you should just take it easy, and take things how they come, not worry about sex at all, you don't have to. And if this girl really loves you, she wont be disapointed about it, but respect you, and wait until you're able to relax. It takes a long time to get over something like that, maybe you should listen to your thumping heart, and decide against sex for the time being. I know better than anyone how hard that is, but most of the time, the harder something is the better the reward. Just my 2 cents :-) sorry so long.

 
Old 06-09-2001, 01:15 PM   #5
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cornwall, ON, Canada
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SoLost HB User
Re: Viagra didn't work. Extremely Distressed. Only 17

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I agree that you shouldn't be using the viagra but I am glad that you and your dad are close enough that you can be very open and honest with him. What other people said about pressure is true too. You are probably having a lot of anxiety about the resuslts of your past sexual activity. Have you thought of speaking to a therapist about this because this is obviously bothering you too much.

I wouldn't try to force the issue of sex right now. You are still young and there are many other ways of having intimacy with no pressure of intercouse. You may find that engaging in oral, massage, hugging and kissing may take away the pressure of sex. The thought that you won't be able to perform is always on your mind and if you and your girl agree that you are only going to "play" you may find things a little more easy.

I would also suggest talking to your gendoc about your problems and see if he/she has any suggestions.

I can tell you from personal experience that dealing with an abortion isn't an easy thing. It is something that will be on your mind for the rest of your life. You will always have the what ifs in your mind and the maybes... I had an abortion almost 3 years ago and I can tell you that it is on my mind often. Every time I see a baby I wonder. I still cry a lot about it and I really regret doing it. This is why I think you should really try talking to a therapist to help you through this.

I guess on a last note... If your girl won't stay with you because of sex then she might not be the girl for you.

Good luck,

Angie

 
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