I'm just having trouble getting through the Holidays. The commercialism is making me very upset because every commercial assumes you are going to buy someone a new computer or a car with a big red bow on it. I love to exchange presents, don't get me wrong, but, it sure makes me feel like I'm in a pressure cooker. My money seems better spent donating to a good cause than buying presents that may not be what someone wants.
I'm now in my 20th+ year with a Chronic Illness that will never go away. My family expects me to be the hub of a main event. I just don't have the patience, I want to be invited to their houses. I turn into a nervous wreck when my sister and her daughter come over and constantly argue with each other. My only solution is to tell them that I will come and see them instead. Has anyone just gone into hiding and bypassed the Holidays all together. Because I don't need presents. I just want to stay sane.
I feel the same way. I have a chronic illness too. I don't have alot of money and I can't afford to by all the gifts that you are excpected to. It has been very stressful on me and I hate it anymore. I wish it would never come. I am forced to spend money I don't have and get presents for people who don't even need or want them. It is totally rediculouis. Try to have a merry christmas and make the best of it if you can.
I like the visiting and fellowship of the Holidays as well. I'm not big into the gift giving thing, because like you, I don't think that's what counts and that's not the part that makes me happy.
I've never bypassed the holidays, but frankly, I just give gifts to my husband and a very few select relatives. I send out Christmas cards to everybody else and include a family photo.
A woman I work with is Jehoveh's Witness and they don't celebrate holidays at all. When out boss gave out gifts this year (if I get one more candy filled mug I'm gonna scream) she simply gave it back.
You're right about charities. Maybe you could give donations in the name of family memebers. They usually give you a card to give to the person. And it would make you feel good that you did something that mattered.
Good luck and don't try to be the hub. Suggest the family all chip in next year and rent a hall somewhere and have it catered! And let someone else do all the planning. You just sit down and enjoy.
Hope your holiday goes well. Mine goes a lot better since I stopped trying to host the family get together!!
I've been trying to stop being the hub of the family. They are really upset with me. And, to make matters worse, my husband is turning into the worlds biggest scrooge when it comes to my family. All families have their quirky different people or whatever you want to call it, but, my husband thinks he is perfect. I got out of buying presents and just giving money, so we could go visit others instead and I thought he would be all right with that, now at the 11th hour he doesn't want anything to do with it. I think he is making me even more depressed. I know, I know, I have to get myself out of this one... with a Chronic illness like Lupus, sometimes it gets bad. The Disability I get is nothing to brag about. But, I'm sure doing some soul searching... how could I not. sob.....
I'm just home alone for the holidays and am just getting through it. It's not a great holiday season for me either, unemployed, depressed [working on it], etc. but feel things will be better next year; for you too I'm sure.
When I was a kid, we would go to my grandfathers and step-grandmothers and my step-uncle (uncle) would always hang out in the TV room watching ball-games -- maybe like your husband? it bothered my aunt more than it bothered anybody else. It seemed like to her that he wasn't "participating" but really he was just doing what he liked to do best.
I think holidays are stressful for a lot of folks because they feel that it's a holiday ant they are supposed to be relaxed and doing what they want to do, but they end up all stressed out because they end up doing what "is expected" or for others. It takes the fun out of it. I really want TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD next Christmas, but I'm expected home. it's really not a good enough reason to stay home.
Four things to remember concerning Holidays and Familys.
1. Holidays will NOT make people get along when they don't the rest of the year. It will be just as bad or worse.
2. Giving gifts is ok if its just kids. Don't give gifts to adults. Cards or letters or a gift in their name to a worthwhile cause.
3. The time to plan who, what, when and where is long before the Holidays. Last minute changes may have to be made but most problems, hurt feelings and disappointments can be forestalled if planning is done well advanced of the Holidays.
4. If Holidays are not your cup of tea or have become unbearable. Just don't participitate...just be sure and let everyone know ahead of time.
Hi i read your post and i agree with you 100%
Although i am only 16 i have had my share of crap on the holidays. My whole life i have had bipolar/depression. i go to my grandmothers house and experience nothing but what are you eating and hairy eyeballs staring at me the whole day. i recently told my grandmother where to go (you know) and she turned it back around on me typical. My father is just as bad always criticizing, i am a beautiful girl and i know that but there is only one problem i am 16 and i weigh 350lbs i am and have been insecure about it my whole life. family does not help considering the fact they do nothing but put me down i dont know anymore its just so much to explain i cant even try anymore i hope everyone understands this letter?
lol ok i am going to go now