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Old 12-06-2000, 09:54 PM   #1
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Catriona HB User
For anyone who cares to read

To anyone reading--

I am totally, 100% inlove this a man. I have been thinking in terms of life long committment. Well, I thought we both were. He told me today that he does not want to talk to me anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with me. What am I supposed to do? How am I meant to take that?

For the females reading--
What would you do?

For the males--
What would you want your "girlfriend" to do?

I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest and put through a shredder. I can't breath properly.

???????

Catriona

 
Old 12-06-2000, 11:03 PM   #2
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TrickyDick HB User
Re: For anyone who cares to read

Hon, I'm sorry that this happened to you.
Life sometimes seems so unfair and confusing.
I can't tell you what your b/f was thinking or why he is dumping you but I can tell you the way I feel about relationships.

Not many of us have come to our current relationships without a few battle scars. I've been dumped unceremoniously, or two-timed, or strung along by someone offering a what I thought I needed, while they were just getting what they needed or just using me. I have even had mistakes of my own destroy or cripple a promising relationship.

Affairs, desertions, and other calamities strike others of those around me. No one is safe from being hurt or from hurting someone.

Yet I always find myself in another relationship. I wonder sometimes what is going to hit me this time around, or when it's going to strike. Sometimes, it seems I have happiness within my grasp, only to have it snatched away again.

Where does all this worrying get me though? Is it really the future I should be spending so much time thinking about, or would it help me more if I concentrated on where I am right now? If I look closely at my fears of the future, I can often see that I have many strong feelings leftover from past relationships and that in itself can contribute to any current relationship problems. One thing is not to judge all men or all women by the ones that have hurt you.
Easy to say...hard to do.
But............Just for Today
Today I'll try to learn one small thing from a past bad experience, and see if it can help me find new ways of loving and new insights to happiness. Sometimes disasters contain miracles in disguise if I really search for them. That is the hardest part, but worth working toward. I hope that you come out of this a stronger person.
Good luck...

 
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Old 12-07-2000, 05:19 AM   #3
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Re: For anyone who cares to read

Trickydick--

Thank you. I don't know what I need right now. I don't know anything much anymore. I mean, he is still saying that he loves me but it is too hard. That I can do so much better than him. That he is not interesting enough or me. I don't know what to say to reassure him that none of that is true. I have said everything I can say, I just don't kow what else to do.
I love him with all my heart and cannot imagine every being with anyone else. He is it for me. I have known that for as long as I have known him...3 years.
Is he saying this because he wants out and is looking for an excuse?
He sometimes gets so jealous. I mean, he has gone as far as believing that I have something going on with someone from these boards. I don't know anyone here. Noone even lives in the same city as me, maybe not even the same country. I don't know what to do.

Thank you for listening Trickydick...it means a lot that someone cares.

Catriona

 
Old 12-07-2000, 08:04 AM   #4
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Re: For anyone who cares to read

I know that you must be taking this very hard. We all pay and learn our life experiences in painful ways. You are feeling very broken now.. I hope you heal soon. And move on with your life. Be thankful for a lot of things, like your health and your choice to move on.

From someone who knows, you have nothing unless you have your health.

Take care of yourself

Kathryn

 
Old 12-07-2000, 08:53 AM   #5
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Blueeyes HB User
Re: For anyone who cares to read

Catriona,

You and I are sort of going through the same type of thing. My boyfriend decided that he wanted to "take a step back" so that "I could sort everything out".

I think the hurt you describe and the hurt I feel are the same. You're advice to me helped, so I can only hope to do the same.

You won't be able to avoid the hurt, but each day will be a little easier than the last. I know it will because it is that way for me.

Sounds like he's confusing things further by sending you mixed messages. He's telling you that he wants to be apart from you and he's also telling you that he loves you. In a way, it sounds like he's saying that he's doing this because he loves you enough to know that you "deserve someone better." You should tell him that it's for you to decide. He can't make those decisions for you.

Regardless, the hurt can't heal if you can't come to terms with what is going on. If everytime you start to heal a little and then you see him or talk to him, the hurt comes back full strength. It's a horible feeling.

Try to occupy yourself with other things that you like to do. Do something you enjoy. Take care of yourself and the rest will take care of itself. Everything has a way of working itself out for the best eventhough we might not see it that way at first. I promise you that!

Take care.
Hugs

 
Old 12-07-2000, 04:13 PM   #6
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Princess HB User
Re: For anyone who cares to read

Oh how much you sound like me! My boyfriend, like me, suffers depression, has bipolar II disorder and problems with drug addictions. We have broken up and gotten back together so many times I've lost count. Each time he breaks up with me, he tells me he still loves me and then no more than a week will go by before he calls me. We start hanging out again "as friends" and then before you know it we're back together and back to the same ol' stuff. We fight a lot, mostly because of his jealousy and our various drug problems. He has a lot of trust issues with me which are unwarranted because I haven't cheated on him, but he feels it just the same, he's very insecure. He, like your boyfriend, has told me many times that he is not good enough for me and that I deserve better than an addict that treats me badly. He also has told me that when he has said that in the past it was an excuse to leave me. He goes back and forth. My point is that it could go either way, but like someone said in an earlier post, if he is maintaining contact with you, he probably isn't really trying to get rid of you. The last time my boyfriend broke up with me, we were talking about it a week or so later (like I said, we always end up hanging out "as friends") and he started in again with the "You deserve better" crap. I explained to him that if he was being truthful and that really was the reason we weren't together that it was really unfair and selfish. I told him that he was trying to help me out by allowing me the freedom to find someone else, but that I loved him and didn't want to find anyone else so in essence he was punishing me for his own shortcomings as a boyfriend and that I'm a big girl and if I wanted "someone better" I would find someone better with or without his help or blessing. That really struck a chord with him. You shouldn't have to reassure him, the fact that you love him and want to be with him should be reassurance enough. Just something to think about. Hope it helps at least a little!

 
Old 12-07-2000, 07:01 PM   #7
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Re: For anyone who cares to read

Lose him girl. You don't need some guy that you love telling you things like that. There is more fish in the sea. I use to think if I got out of a relationship I'd never find anyone again. Time and time again it happened to me and I always found someone else. You don't need him telling you he doesn't want to see you or talk to you ever again, how rude and inconsiderate. Put your head up high and the heck with him and give your goodies to some other lucky guy. Hang in there girl and keep us informed.

 
Old 12-07-2000, 10:07 PM   #8
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Catriona HB User
Re: For anyone who cares to read

TrickyDick, Rick, Kathryn, BlueEyes, Princess, Kyle...

Thank you all very much for your support...I really needed someone to listen, and you did.

News is that he has changed his mind. And no Rick, this is the first time he has done anything like this. I mean, I have always known he is the jealous type, but never anything close to this.

His reason was that he got scared. Scared that I would leave him because he isnt good enough. Scared of how much he loves me. Scared of how much he needs me. I guess that should make me feel good shouldn't it.

Anyway...I will see how things go, and not wear my heart on my sleeve as much anymore. Once again, thank you all very much.

Catriona

 
Old 12-07-2000, 11:48 PM   #9
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Re: For anyone who cares to read

One last thought..to have a good relationship, together-you both must make each stronger.
If a relationship is used to manipulate,coerce or enable dysfunctional behaviour it is a destructive relationship.
Someone that truely loves you will let you go. Sometimes you can't see the truth or the good of it, for the love or co-dependancy that binds you.
<p>[This message has been edited by TrickyDick (edited 12-08-2000).]

 
Old 12-08-2000, 03:28 AM   #10
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Re: For anyone who cares to read

TrickyDick--

Thank you. I understand what you are saying. Unfortunately for me...if I am inlove, I will forgive anything. This, I am sure, will lead to a lot of pain on my behalf. And possibly worse. I can't help it though. If I am inlove, that is it. I do not fall easily, infact, I am very sceptical, but if I do, there is nothing that he can do that is wrong...in time I will forgive all. That is one reason I love this person so much. I know that what I said earlier sounds bad, but in 3 years, that is the only thing he has ever done, intentional or not, that has hurt me. He would never do anything deliberately. I think this was due to his depression...in a way.
Thank you for caring...I appreciate it more than you know.

Catriona

 
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