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Old 12-20-2000, 08:17 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 55
Blueeyes HB User
What is this???

Let me start by saying that my stress level is pretty high. Here's my typical day:

5:30am wake up, drive to work.
6:00 - 7:00am work-out
7:00 - 7:30am shower, get dressed
7:30 - 4:00pm work
5:30 - 8:00pm classes
8:00 - 9:00pm eat, get ready for the next day, and go to sleep.

This is a typical of Monday - Friday for me. On the weekends, I try to catch up on laundry, shopping, etc.

Anyway, I'm having a problem trying to relax. I feel as though everything has to be very structured and I need to be in control. For example, I FINALLY have two days off from work and I would like to do something like go skiing. My boyfriend has these two days off too so we can do something together. When I ask him what we should do, he says "we'll see". Since it's the thurs and fri before New Year's, I'm thinking that we should decide on something and make plans since that's a pretty busy weekend especially if we're going to stay overnight somewhere. The we'll see drives me crazy. I need to know well in advance what is going on so I can plan accordingly. Is this wrong?

I'm like this in every aspect of my life. I feel that I need to be this way so that I can stay organized. I try to have everything go as planned and if it doesn't, I don't mind improvising, but I still like to try to have a plan to begin with.

It seems as though everyone in my life has told me to relax at one time or another. From what I've told you, do you think this is true?

Why is it that I can't just roll with the punches when it comes to the two days I have off from work. I think it might be that I don't want to sit around and do nothing, I want to make sure that I have something that I enjoy planned. I feel as though when there is someone else involved with a plan, it's like pulling teeth to get a plan down.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

 
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Old 12-20-2000, 08:53 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: long beach, ca usa
Posts: 12
Olivia HB User
Re: What is this???

Hi Blue Eyes,

I certainly can empathize with you. I'm not like that now because I have a lot more free time but I used to feel the same way.

I was so busy during the week with things that I had to do that I wanted to make sure on the weekend I got to do something I wanted to do. I think there needs to be some kind of a balance though. I mean maybe you and your boyfriend can compromise. One weekend you guys go with the we'll see plan and the following weekend you guys can go with the planned out plan. Maybe if you alternate this way both of you will get your needs met.

Also I learned over the years that when I'm feeling a strong urge to control all of the external stuff it means I'm feeling powerless and out of control internally.
(just a bit of psycho babble!) I guess it kind of makes sense though. I feel powerless and out of control a lot and I try to cover it up or make myself feel better by trying to look perfect on the outside.

Anyway hang in there, you have a demanding schedule and it's gotta be tough to adhere to, especially when your depression gets out of control.

I know for me when I used to have a schedule like that I felt angry and cheated because I felt like I had no time to enjoy my life.

Maybe when circumstances permit you can try to find a little more balance and lighten up in some areas of your schedule.

I wish I had your energy---------
Hope this helps a little,

Olivia

<p>[This message has been edited by Olivia (edited 12-20-2000).]

 
Old 12-20-2000, 09:40 AM   #3
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Posts: 55
Blueeyes HB User
Re: What is this???

Olivia,

I guess that internally I am out of control. So, by trying to control everything it may mean (to me) that everything is more in control than it really is.

I DEFINITELY feel angry and cheated because I do feel like I have no time to enjoy my life. This anger is even more prominent when those around me have time to do the things that they enjoy and I can't do whatever it is with them. I seem to take it out on those people too. I need to stop doing this, I just don't know how.

When it comes to my class schedule for next semester - do I take a class that I will enjoy (Photography) and a class that I need to take (a Biology class). Or should I just take the one class. If I take both this would mean that I would be in class Mon - Thurs. Mon & Wed from 5:30 - 7:30, Tues from 5:00 to 10:00pm and Thurs from 5:00 - 7:00. If I just take the BIO class, I'd only have class on Tues and Thurs (times mentioned above.)

I need to know how to stop taking things out on the people I love (ie, my boyfriend of 3 years.) After all, he's the one who's helped me get the courage to go back and finish my degree. It just frustrates me to see him take a few days off to go skiing and I have to stay home and study for finals. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy????

Olivia, I wish I had the energy you think I have. Right now, I'm burning the candle at both ends. There seems to be a small amount of burn time left on this candle. My last final exam is tonight - hopefully between now and the beginning of the next semester I'll be able to find a new candle or at least some more wax for this one!

Thanks for listening and for your great advice! It really means a lot to me.

Happy holidays to you.

 
Old 12-20-2000, 09:22 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: West Texas
Posts: 110
TrickyDick HB User
Re: What is this???

Hey Girls...
Let me stick my 20 cents in if you don't mind (I know you don't, really).
Being a male, I am the product of many thousand s of years and of my father. I have worked a full time job since I was 14 (yes and went to school) The only vacation I got was 3 years in the Marines where I walked about five thousand miles and only had too worry about staying alive untill the end of my tour. After that I worked a single job at a single co. The only problem, it was a 12 to 14 hour job each day. Then I would come home and get called out again. That could be a two hour job or a ten hour job.
Then I lost that job and have had 24 hours a day to miss it for the last few years (since 94) Let me tell you something...I would give my left (no right arm, I'm left handed) if I could have that job back.
Yes, too much is too much...
Here are a few good sayings..
Prior planning prevents pisspoor preformance.
Man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat drink and be merry.
Moderation in all things.
Life is work, Work is life
If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing right.
Now if we could just figure out a way to make all of those work together.

 
Old 12-21-2000, 06:31 AM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 55
Blueeyes HB User
Re: What is this???

Thanks for your input, TD. I guess I should really count my blessings, huh? It's so much easier to look at everything in a negative light. Everything has a positive side to it though. It's just harder to focus on that from the beginning.

Thanks.

 
Old 12-21-2000, 07:20 AM   #6
joy joy is offline
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Posts: 140
joy HB User
Re: What is this???

Hi BlueEyes,
Try to take the easier schedule and enjoy your life as much as you can. Nobody knows how long we have on this earth. You probably don't have a strong nervous system [like me] and it's all just too much. Remember, nobody on their death bed ever said they wished they spent more time working or taking classes! We have to remember what's really important [ourselves and our family]. Just my humble opinion.
Joy

 
Old 12-21-2000, 10:12 AM   #7
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 55
Blueeyes HB User
Re: What is this???

Thanks Joy,
You're absolutely right. I definitely won't be wishing I had taken more classes. If anything I'll be glad it's over (I mean that as a joke, a pretty bad one, but a joke in any sense.)

 
Old 12-21-2000, 02:09 PM   #8
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: long beach, ca usa
Posts: 12
Olivia HB User
Re: What is this???

I agree with joy. Friends and family are the most important thing. I know on my death bed I'm not going to say I wish I had worked more but if I don't take it seriously I might say I wish I would have been more true to myself.

You know everybody is different. I have a delicate system as well and just can't handle a lot of stress. This isn't an excuse to be lazy or anything. It's just the way it is for whatever reason God has. So its better to be true to yourself and do what you can to create your own hapiness.

Olivia

 
Old 12-22-2000, 01:06 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: new zealand
Posts: 570
CINDERELLA HB User
Re: What is this???

Wow, your schedule is hectic, I certainly could never cope with that. Do you work to live or live to work? Have you ever heard this cliche - no one ever wished they had spent more time at the office on their deathbed! I know a lot of young people are like you until you realise that its not worth it. My husband quit his high pressure low paid job to spend more time together as a family. Its better for his health and good for us as a family.

 
Old 12-23-2000, 05:25 AM   #10
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 2
FWIW HB User
Re: What is this???

Hi BlueEyes,

Looking at your schedule, I can understand your wanting to know ahead of time so you can plan accordingly. You have so little free time that you want some quality time and you do need to know what to pack. Please try not to be angry at those who you think have time to do the things you can not because they may have other things going on that you dont, and they also may be admiring you for your drive and effort. Revisit your goals, How soon do you want to graduate? Are your studies holding you back from a promotion. From your profile it seems like you have a good job, a stressful one maybe. Do you work out 5 days or every other. If you were to cut down on your work out, take that time just for yourself and do something for yourself, read a favorite book, cook a meal, an extra long bath..etc, you would be surprised how you'd feel even if you allowed this one day during the week. You stated 'Why cant I be happy'. You may be, but some of your anger is clouding over it. Have you ever thought about having a massage, Reiki or Polarity session for relaxation. Seeing that we live in the same state I can refer you to some people I know should you have an interest. Finally, take a moment and listen to a beatle song...LET IT BE..I'm not much of a fan (one of the very few mind you), but if you let the words LET IT BE vibrate in your mind and really pay attention to it..you know.. there will be an answer...it took me awhile..hope it doesnt take you that long..good luck..Happy holidays.

------------------
FWIW - JMHO

 
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