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Old 01-19-2001, 12:09 PM   #1
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melody HB User
Leave of Absence - good idea?

A week or so ago, I was about ready to quit my job because I was wobbling on the edge of a precipice and felt I just couldn't take it anymore... My doc strongly suggested I NOT quit and we discussed a leave of absence but I decided to wait about 3 weeks while I try to get a project done - and discuss it at my next appt. Now I'm feeling a little further from the edge - but I've been back/forth so many times I know I might get there again.

If you've taken a leave of absence - did it help? If I did take one, I would probably try to conquer my fear of job hunting and try to find a less stressful/demanding job.
My husband doesn't understand what I'm going through and he doesn't want the loss of income. Any suggestions?

 
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Old 01-19-2001, 02:24 PM   #2
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Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

Hi. This is just my opinion. You should do what is best for you, and your stress level. I used to work at a high stress environment and made good money, [and I was younger]. I have anxiety and depession which is helped greatly by my antidepressant. I now live in another state and have 'lost' two jobs due to automation, etc. so I'm looking again for employment. I am much happier at a no/low stress job with less money. I think perhaps you husband needs to reconsider his support for you vs. family income situation. He is probably just frustrated with money matters, as most of us are. I can only speak for myself. I stopped working for months [I did have small income] and now live in a climate I'm happier in, and am motivated [on Prozac] to look for a job again. I would never go back to a stressful work atmosphere. Some of us don't have the nervous systems to cope with stressful jobs for years, and there's no shame in being sensitive and overstressed. I wish you the best whatever you decide.
Joy

 
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Old 01-19-2001, 03:01 PM   #3
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melody HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

Joy,
Thanks so much for replying. I appreciate your input. The money issue is a big one for my husband. In the early years of our marriage (we're in our 12th year), his favorite saying was "Bless your little paycheck". During a previous bad time, I talked about a job change that would result in less money, he told me the "logical thing" would be to divorce me. Pretty manipulating, huh? Anway, thanks for your thoughts.

 
Old 01-19-2001, 03:51 PM   #4
joy joy is offline
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Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

I know I should not say this but the 'logical thing' would be to find a supportive mate. Please forgive me.


<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by melody:
<B>Joy,
Thanks so much for replying. I appreciate your input. The money issue is a big one for my husband. In the early years of our marriage (we're in our 12th year), his favorite saying was "Bless your little paycheck". During a previous bad time, I talked about a job change that would result in less money, he told me the "logical thing" would be to divorce me. Pretty manipulating, huh? Anway, thanks for your thoughts. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

 
Old 01-19-2001, 04:09 PM   #5
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TrickyDick HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

Hey Melody,
If you can get a leave of absence without the fear of getting fired or laid off I think it would be better than you getting forced off the job like I was because I was missing work. I don't know of your job situation, what you do, how many jobs are available in your area, ect..So it is hard for me to give advice on that.
As far as the non support your getting from your hubby. That's pretty sad. But, I know that trying to get some people to be supportive about an illness that is so misunderstood and often ridiculed is difficult. Just know that we understand and support you. That's all we can do.
Joy had some good thoughts, prehaps someone else has some too.
Peace

 
Old 01-19-2001, 06:04 PM   #6
 
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SoLost HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

I'm on a 3 week leave right now but it expires pretty soon and I am having a difficult time getting a gp to back me. My doc told me I should just go back to work and that I will probably do this again next year. Like I'm just doing this to get a vacation! I wish it were that simple I need this time to get myself together but I am beginning to believe that hospitalization is the only way I'm going to get what I need.

I feel so sad that your husband doesn't support you as that must increase your frustration. Do you have children? Even if you do you should ask yourself why the money is so important to your husband, what about you? Isn't your health MORE important than money? It is and don't let anyone tell you any different. Do what is best for you. Good luck...

 
Old 01-19-2001, 06:45 PM   #7
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melody HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

Joy, TrickyDick, and SoLost,
Thanks again and again for your responses. I feel so supported. And Joy, don't apologize for your comment! It sounded like righteous indignation and made me think, Gee I DO deserve support. He is trying more than in the past, but he has his own serious problems. No, we don't have kids. Usually when I have problems and let him know how I feel, he will begin to talk suicidal. This immediately turns the focus back to him... This time I'm going to do what I need regardless. Like I said, he's trying more this time, so maybe things will be different. You guys are helping too. Thanks for the support!

 
Old 01-20-2001, 11:53 AM   #8
 
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SoLost HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

I am very glad that you are determined to take your own health and wellbeing into your hands despite the resistance from your husband. His suicidal thinking patterns may suggest he has some "issues". Perhaps you guys should go to the pdoc together. Do you believe he would actually go through with any of his threats? I've had girlfriends who's boyfriends used threats of suicide to control them. ex..."If you leave I will jump off the bridge". This is a type of emotional extortian(sp?) and isn't healthy.

I'm lucky. My bf is looking for a better paying job or another job to supplement his income so I can either work part-time or not work at all when I am feeling better. I would like to go back to work but I don't want to rush it. I want to take my time and go back when I'm ready. What makes things worse is I really hate my job which increases my depression.

Anyhow, keep us posted and take care of yourself FIRST.

Angie

 
Old 01-20-2001, 06:45 PM   #9
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ladyowl HB User
Re: Leave of Absence - good idea?

I took a sort of leave of absence about a year or so ago...I was in a partial hospitalization program (where you go to group sessions all day everyday; but you don't have to stay overnight in the hospital)...it did help. Although I don't have a stressful job per say...I know I need to do this again because I've quit taking all my meds and quit therapy. But being a single parent; the loss of income would be devasting unless I can put on short-term disability. But also my insurance is very limiting as to what they will cover mental health wise (something I am trying to fight). Just my two cents worth...but a partial hospitalization program might be worth looking into. Good luck.

 
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